My wife has become accustomed to just staying on the toilet all night . She even stays in the bathroom for hours during the day. It is a horrible habit and she cannot or will not understand that other people live in my house must use the restroom
She traps our dog in there and he wakes me up scratching at the door to get out. When I go to let him out she is leaned forward and sleeping heavily. She smokes in there and there are cigarette burns on my floor.
She doesn’t see the problem with it and becomes angry that I even bring it up. She has been unwilling to change this 2 year long habit. I do not know what to do ! What can I do?
Comments
📣 Reminder for our users
>1. Check the rules: Please take a moment to review our rules, Reddiquette, and Reddit’s Content Policy.
>2. Clear question in the title: Make sure your question is clear and placed in the title. You can add details in the body of your post, but please keep it under 600 characters.
>3. Closed-Ended Questions Only: Questions should be closed-ended, meaning they can be answered with a clear, factual response. Avoid questions that ask for opinions instead of facts.
>4. Be Polite and Civil: Personal attacks, harassment, or inflammatory behavior will be removed. Repeated offenses may result in a ban. Any homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist, or bigoted remarks will result in an immediate ban.
🚫 Commonly Asked Prohibited Question Subjects:
>1. Medical or pharmaceutical questions
>2. Legal or legality-related questions
>3. Technical/meta questions (help with Reddit)
This list is not exhaustive, so we recommend reviewing the full rules for more details on content limits.
✓ Mark your answers!
>If your question has been answered, please reply with
Answered!!to the response that best fit your question. This helps the community stay organized and focused on providing useful answers.I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Are you sure she is only smoking cigarettes? When I was a user, I would hide in the bathroom to conceal my habits.
Wow that’s absolutely awful. And really odd.
What does she do on there? Is she sitting on the toilet? Also, do you have children?
She’s going to get hemorrhoids.
Is she doing opioids?
Something else is definitely going on, she’s not just “sleeping on the toilet”.
She’s blacking out on booze or opioids dude. She most def keeps her stash in there
That sounds really tough. Her behavior might be a sign of emotional or mental health struggles.
SHES ON DRUGS FFS. Are there any smells? Does she keep the fan on? She been acting different? How long has this been going on? I’m guessing it’s drugs.
Change the doorknob to a lockless one. Dangerous behavior that can get you all killed if the house catches fire and theres nothing you can do about it.
The only way we could help you is if you understood the situation. Something is very wrong with her. Get her help such as therapy.
When you say she sleeps heavy how sleepy are you talking about? Sounds like she is on opioids and has “the nods”. If I were you I would be figuring this out sooner rather than later. If she has hit the needle you may have a much much much bigger problem than sleeping on toilet.
So she smokes with the dog trapped in the room? Even with a window open this is problematic. She keeps him locked in until he whines to get out, isn’t normal to sleep on the toilet and is holding up the bathroom so others can’t use.
Tell her to stop doing it. She can smoke somewhere else. My guess is she’s doing something like fentanyl and passing out. Does she have a history of addiction?
Too bad if she gets upset. It’s not normal.
Search the bathroom my guy. Waiting for the update.
She will definitely get hemorrhoids.
Find the stash, and get her to rehab. It’s going to be a tough road to recovery.
A few years ago there was a news story about a woman who had stayed on the toilet so long she was fused to it. Apparently when she was growing up, the toilet was the only safe place in her abusive home 💔 her boyfriend would bring her meals.
OP, perhaps she’s having a mental health crisis? And/or substance abuse issues
Drug use.
This isn’t normal, the pattern seems to be only in the bathroom and if she’s smoking in there, that means she plans on staying in there a while, so its not this “sudden” sleep, like with narcolepsy. And since its only in the bathroom, that means there’s a correlation between something that’s in there and this.
This most definitely sounds like she’s hiding some sort of drug, like alcohol, heroin, opioids, or fent in there. Look for pills, and search under the sink, under drawers, behind the toilet, in the toilet back basin thing, medicine cabinet. Search all of that. This can burn your house down. She can OD in there. So much bad can happen because of this.
Can you keep us updated on this has to be one of the more unique situations I’ve read here. I’m curious to hear how this plays out
There is something seriously wrong with your wife. She needs medical help.
NO ONE chooses to sleep and nap on a toilet. She is passing out or blacking out.
Serious wellness check
Even if she’s not doing drugs it’s still terrible for your pelvic floor to be on the crapper for a long time
2 years? How long have you been together? If this is new in the last 2 years, I’d vote for opioid addiction.
Sane people don’t do this, start squirreling away cash and evidence. Take the dog and kids to your moms or a friend and file a restraining order until she’s clean.
If you guys have grown children, I would also wonder if it’s not drugs, if she has some underlining health condition.
Wheeeeeew, boy, is someone naive
Unless your wife has undiagnosed narcolepsy (which, I highly doubt), there’s an elephant in the room you aren’t recognizing
Read up about “on the nod“
It def sounds like drug abuse
>She doesn’t see the problem with it and becomes angry that I even bring it up.
Opioids (etc), texting a boyfriend who’s slow or spotty with texting back, or a decline into the abyss?
I cannot fathom this being new behavior so OP, the question turns to you. Why did you marry this person?
Your wife needs medical intervention. You may also tbh.
My ex husband would spend hours in the bathroom. I was baffled. There were no signs he was on drugs. If he was watching porn or waking off he was doing it absolutely silently, no sounds of movement at all. He wasn’t talking on the phone. He claimed he had constipation, which I knew he’d struggled with in the past. However, when I’d finally beg him to come out so I wouldn’t pee my pants, he’d begrudgingly so so, but he wouldn’t go back in the bathroom afterwards like you’d expect if he was actually constipated. He also stoutly refused to use any remedies or medications for constipation and wouldn’t see a doctor, and rejected all the info I gave him about how straining to poop for an extended time was bad for him. So he wasn’t actually constipated, it was just an excuse.
Eventually I realized he was using it as a way to get away from me. It “bothered” him if he was alone in our bedroom or in the living room and I would come and be in the same room. He figured out that in our one bedroom apartment the only place he could be completely alone was in the bathroom with the door locked. I understand craving solitude, believe me, but this just isn’t how you do that.
And, of course, I have digestive problems and drink a lot if water, so I couldn’t just go several hours without access to a bathroom. We discussed this, he tried convincing me that I was the weird one for objecting to this behavior. I didn’t buy it.
Finally I had to issue an ultimatum. The next time he locked himself in, I used a screwdriver to unlock the door from the outside. He had no idea a door could be unlocked that way. I told him that the only reason I hadn’t done it sooner was out of civility. Civility was over now.
I told him he had a 60 minute limit on his bathroom time from now on, and if he didn’t follow that time limit I’d open the door and come in, and if he didn’t move off the toilet when I came in I’d sit in his lap and pee on him. During this time he was also playing a stupid game where he’d blow through all his money and stick me with the rent and all the bills, as a way to control me financially. So I told him if I was paying our rent by myself this was the rule I was masking for the bathroom I paid for.
I also told him if he’d quit being a dick about money we could have a place with two bathrooms and this wouldn’t be an issue.
Not a very mature or dignified, I realize. However, I think he was smart enough to realize I was at my wit’s end after years of this behavior. He told me I was being ridiculous and unreasonable…but also magically all his bathroom trips were suddenly 55 minutes or less, when before three hours was normal. There were one or two times I’d knock on the door and just say nicely, “I need to use the bathroom” or “It’s my turn”, but I really only had to do that two or three times. I think he realized I was serious about no longer tolerating this behavior, and if he pushed back too hard he’d lose his rent-paying servant.
Shockingly, the marriage didn’t last. This bathroom issue was one of many problems.
That’s nothing normal about her behavior and she needs professional help, like therapy, a psychiatrist, a doctor and probably also rehab.
She is doing either opiates or benzos. Or both.
wtf. She sleeps on the toilet how is that Not fucking up her back?
If she’s not doing drugs there, the other option is she’s depressed and that’s her hiding “safe space.”
This is normal, OP. She either needs rehab or a therapist or both. I’m a huge introvert and I love spending time in the bathroom (love the decoration, my skin care is there etc) I also wouldn’t spend hours in the bathroom. Everything else aside there is no comfortable sofa or bed there. Like, whatever she says… no it’s not normal.
Sounds like the female equivalent of men sitting in their car in the driveway for an hour before heading in.
Or she’s doing something stronger than cigarettes and wants to hide it from you
Bedside commode. Not allowed to sleep in the bathroom.
Probably doing drugs, and/or talking to someone else,,, my ex would do this too.
Remember how and where Elvis died? I’d be concerned the same thing will happen to your wife.
What prescriptions is she on? If she’s dropping cigarettes on the floor, then she’s “on the nod” and her dose is too high.
How does she respond when you say you need to use the bathroom? That’s a basic human need, she should respect that at a minimum. Also locking the dog in the bathroom for hours without food or water is irresponsible.
Prolapse
My brother did this when he was snorting hydrocodone. He wasn’t doing it in there. He wasn’t hiding it by doing it in there. He just liked to stay awake to enjoy his high. He mixed it with alcohol, & combined with lack of sleep, he nodded off frequently. Usually on the toilet. But, later, he passed out while standing in his kitchen. Fractured his spine or something.
If someone is passing out smoking & dropping their cigarettes, they have some kind of serious issue. You need to get to the bottom of it. & make sure she doesn’t start passing out smoking somewhere else where she can start a fire & unalive everyone.
Even if an alarm wakes you & you escape with your life, others may not, the dog may not, & you may lose everything. Insurance can’t replace memories & sentimental value.
Wife is on the fenty train, bud. That’s not sleep, it’s nods. Also why it prolly takes a long time in there.
I was a heroin addict for nearly 10 years. Your wife might be using downers of some type. People do not just fall asleep on the toilet mabye once on their life being super sick with a flu but not often like she does. She is probly smoking or using some opioid and covering the smell with cigs and then nodding out as she smokes. That or she has a serous medical problem that needs help asap. It’s time to have a conversation with her and be supportive and honest.
Whatever is going on, please keep the dog out of it. She didn’t ask for this.
NBC News
Woman sits on boyfriend’s toilet for 2 years
https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/woman-sits-boyfriends-toilet-2-years-flna1c9460986
Ambulance had to take her to the hospital with the toilet seat fuzed to her butt.
she is hiding her hardcore drug habit from you homie.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Are there locks on the bathroom door? Maybe it’s time to remove those for safety. In case something happens in there, you should be able to get in.
She can easily die. What is she on? I’m asking because my mom’s an addict, and she would nod off with cigarettes all the time. When I was pregnant with my son my mom lived with me. A week before I went into labor I woke up at around 11pm , had to pee, I go out to the dining room and look at my mom’s door and I see smoke! I go in and she had nodded out and lit her bed on fire and was still sleeping. If I hadn’t came out yo use the bathroom she’d have died or lit the whole building on fire and killed us all.
You need to figure out what is going on with her or if you know what’s behind it you need to act, she could lite something on fire in there and suffocate herself and your poor dog, and yourself.
I need an update after you tear the house apart. At the very least set a boundary that she can’t smoke indoors? wtf is this the 80s? That’s awful. The smell is awful. It’s awful for her, you, and the dog.
Search the bathroom for a “fix kit”.
I’m sorry but this is not normal. I don’t want to assume but she’s using or doing something. It would explain how she “sleeps through everything” as well
OP you’re in denial bud.. she’s 100% on dope.. who falls asleep with a lit cigarette routinely?! She’s a sound sleeper?? No one is that deep a sleeper.. if you need to physically shake her hard to wake up she’s high.. Does she bring her purse in with her? If she does, take her purse and hide it one day. See what her reaction to the missing purse is.. is it rational or irrational.. if she DOESNT take it in with her, go into the bathroom one day and spend a couple hours in there.. if she’s banging down the door you’ll know she has something hidden in there and needs to get to it
Hey OP, I agree with the others that it’s drug use. Last year my son called me and asked for help because he was doing a heavy drug for 4-5 years 3 times a day. I was flooded that I didn’t even know. He is a grown adult and lived outside of my house. He was so good at hiding it. I did everything necessary to help him and he will be celebrating his 1 year clean on May 10th.
So I just wanted to say that some people are very good at hiding it. Even if you think you know them well and you wouldn’t miss the signs. Looking back at the past 5 years I can now see signs that I didn’t even know existed, for instance very low affect when speaking. He no longer was excited to talk about his interests. After he got clean he’s back to being his talkative self and his face matches his excitement. He also lost a lot of weight and he was always complaining of teeth pain.
If you don’t think it’s drugs then she needs a doctor who will diagnose her correctly. I know it would be hard to convince her. Maybe consider a family intervention. Best wishes.
Firstly, put a smoke alarm by the door just outside the bathroom. Then, have herchecked by a doctor. Illness or addiction should be looked into.
If she’s slumped over, PASSED out on the toilet with cig burns on the floor…hate to break it to you she’s on drugs.
More than likely an opiate. 2 years?
My ex-wife used to do this when blackout drunk. And she used to get mad at me because I let her stay there. Her drinking was a huge problem for me and personally I didn’t want to sleep next to her when in this state.
Your wife is probably drunk or drugged up.
I fall asleep on the toilet. I have early onset osteoarthritis along with fibromyalgia and sciatica. Our bathroom is downstairs and on occasion I have been unable to get down the stairs fast enough which led to me getting myself. I feel extremely embarrassed about this so I sit on the loo for around 30 minutes to ensure I have rid myself of as much urine as possible. I often fall asleep. Not for long and once I fell off the lavatory two months before my hip replacement! I am glad it was before it! People have said it could be drugs which ut could but it could be a more serious bladder issue and she feels unable to discuss it or like me it could be a psychological issue.
This is behavior exclusively seen in opioid users. Nod squad can’t shit.
Ask her how much she will enjoy life with amputated legs, or how much she’s looking forward to a blood clot taking her out.
Literally just a medical article released within the past month about how 10 minutes or more on the toilet starts upping your risk of certain things (like blood clots)
How do her legs not go numb?
Until you have a direct answer or a reasonable suspicion of drug abuse, have her see a therapist. Outside of drug abuse there could be several other factors in the reason she’s doing this.
She may have had a trauma resurface and sitting on the toilet could be a safe space for her, Urinary or bowel problems she’s embarrassed to talk about, Neurological issues or a tumor that is causing odd behaviors, Thyroid or Electrolyte imbalance that is affecting her consciousness or she could be experiencing an onset of a psychological disorder that’s being overlooked.
Therapy and a primary care visit should be considered and scheduled to uncover what is really occurring because it could be life threatening.
Sounds like my mom. Also smoked forever on the toilet. I suspect your wife shows signs of dementia. The agression when you talk to her supports this. Together with her age. Research this topic and check if there are other signs.
Could she possibly be experiencing some mental health issues?
Ok how does one fall asleep on the toilet like wouldn’t they just hit the floor having a hard time imagining this
A dear friend of mine died of an overdose while using in a bathroom to hide that he had relapsed. It’s a pretty common place for addicts to go. I do hope that your wife is okay and just has a really weird habit, but being slumped over asleep with a dog crying and scratching at the door waking you up but not her, dropping cigarettes on the floor, and being hostile about addressing it, it does seem to be drug use. I would recommend finding local support groups, maybe even directors of rehab centers to speak with, or finding online support groups that you can discuss her habits with volunteers who are accustomed to addiction and abuse and can help you determine if that’s the case and potentially how to get her help. Also try to keep the dog out of the bathroom when she goes to keep him from getting stuck in the room with her and inhaling smoke or being exposed to any substances, just as an aside.
please check for opioid use, this is a really common thing with that.
Seems from ur replies that you don’t want to admit she is on opioids. Better to not be in denial, find out now and try and save urself and her…
My partner hides out in the bathroom with the warm water blasting, it’s her safe place and it relaxes her (we’ve talked about the underlying reasons and I completely understand).
However, she’s not nodding off on the shitter or smoking cigs in there. I’m free to speak to her whenever provided I knock, and I’ve never had any reason to believe she’s doing drugs. Your situation sounds like it might be a bit more concerning.
Please, please, please do not let her lock a dog in a smoky room with her. That is cruel to the animal.
If you’re sure she isn’t using drugs, she may have a problem with her oxygen levels and then smoking could drop them even lower, causing her to fall asleep/pass out.
A Pulse Oximeter is an inexpensive,quick and non-invasive way to check her oxygen levels at home.
More about oxygen levels HERE.
I know everyone else is saying drugs, but my mom used to do this minus the cigarettes. We finally got her to go to a doctor and she had some major underlying health issues. Needless to say she no longer sleeps in the bathroom
Everyone saying it’s drugs is probably right. The more I read the comments, the more I can see it. I have no personal experience as a user or living with a user. But the comments by people with those experiences really makes a lot of sense.
But whether it’s drugs or not, the answer is the same. She needs help. And you and you might want to seriously think about leaving her, especially if she refuses to get the help she needs.
Yeah, you definitely need to get your wife into rehab, she is in there all night because she is out. Put a hidden camera in there when it’s just the 2 of you using it, there are Aroma difusers looking Hiddensee cameras.
Give her a comprehensive drug test. It’ll cost you 70-100 bucks for the all inclusive one but I think you’ll find your answer there.
Ah Reddit, where it’s always drugs or early onset dementia.
Lots of people hide in the toilet as it’s a “safe space” especially if she has bladder issues, she may be so tired with getting up all night that she just sleeps there and any incontinence ends up in the right place? Long sits on the toilet play havoc with the pelvic floor, often causing haemorrhoids, and potentially prolapsing. Not to mention numb legs!
Idk first thought is she’s trying to hide addiction. Sounds like nodding off, but I may be projecting. Time for a heart to heart, no judgement, pure intentions of support and wanting to help and find a solution. Be gentle and try to understand.
Hey OP, it sounds like your wife is using opioids. I used to nod out in the bathroom for hours (though on the floor, against the wall) and the fact that she’s leaning forward like that and becomes angry when you bring it up also sets off my alarm bells. She likely has a stash hidden somewhere (look in things like tampon boxes) and recovery is going to be a long journey. I wish the best for you both. We do recover (11 years clean coming up for me in two weeks) but she has to want to get better.
You ask what you can do to stop your wife from sleeping on the toilet, so here are some thoughts:
have guests over who will inevitably need the bathroom to break her cycle.
ban cigarettes in the house. If she needs a nic fix and won’t go outside, there are other ways of getting it.
find a therapist for yourself, as you deserve support through this scary time
find a relationship counselor.
your wife may need a new PCP if they are not concerned with your wife risking a house fire on the regular
At the end of the day, this is absolutely some form of health crisis. At her age this is particularly dangerous behavior. Do you want your kids/possible grandkids to miss out on a relationship with your wife because she died on the toilet of something treatable/preventable?
It’s also possible that you need to escalate your response (maybe call emergency services?) For her to understand that this issue is actually quite severe.
Sitting on the toilet for extended periods of time can cause an anal prolapse.
I don’t think its just cigarettes she’s using man…
Your wife might need some very serious help. Do her and the world a solid and help her every step of the way.
I was giving her the benefit of doubt until you said she was smoking in there too. I fall asleep on the toilet frequently, but I have diagnosed narcolepsy and IBS. I do not smoke, nor would I trap a pet in there. I’m not a heavy sleeper either and will wake up when my husband knocks on the door. I find it absolutely embarrassing!
Bro. What? She’s getting high af! You need to take the lock off the door. She’s doing some really hard drugs
A lot of addicts will just fall asleep wherever they are and with whatever they were going, are you sure there isn’t more going on here?
Divorce her this is odd dangerous behavior she will eventually burn the house down
Doing drugs? Needs a therapist.
Remove the toilet. Problem solved.
By sounds of what’s happening to her and how she’s responding to your concerns… it sounds like substance abuse. Like opioid.
Unsure of your bathroom but it can be hidden literally anywhere. In caps, bottom of cans, tied to drain covers whilst dangling in the drain, in false roofs, under hand basins right up under the bench top… the red herring is her smoking a cigarette because you assume that’s the “substance” in question.
I hope everyone turns out okay OP
There is something nefarious about this. Her health is in danger
Maybe she is narcoleptic? Or she has an embarrassing issue that is ashamed to share but is mandatory to get treated. This can not be normal. Instead of saying other people need to wait for her to get out, emphasize that she scares you spending her days on the toilet and you need to know what is happening to not be scared (so focusing on your emotions). If she is reluctant to share, just insist that you are not in a relationship with a kid to beg for sharing.
Your wife is a drug addict. I’m sorry 😢
The next time she goes in, wait about 15 minutes and call in a wellness check.
She’s doing drugs.
Source: back in the day I dealt stimulants but hated the feeling so all my money would go to opiates. It was my standard to sit in the bathroom all night and only come out when someone banged on the door hard enough to wake me up wanting a bag. Didn’t matter if it was my house or not, the bathroom was mine. Also makes it easier to smoke off foil bc there’s no air currents
Sounds like fetti to me
Divorce was a great relief once I got through it.
Think she’s on drugs, my guy. That behavior is so far past normal.
Smoking indoors, trapping the dog, and refusing to talk—this isn’t just quirky behavior. You’re right to be concerned.
That’s totally bizarre. I’m not a former drug addict but it does sound like she’s using. I mean how does one sleep on bent over on the toilet? There was a case that a woman became attached to the toilet seat after being on the toilet for over a year. You need to get her help asap.
She’s incredibly selfish. My Dad was the same with falling asleep with a lit cigarette. He once set the entire bed on fire but that still didn’t stop him! How can someone not consider for a second that their actions could cause severe consequences for others? The is absolutely no excuse for it.
My Mum also used to fall asleep on the toilet and I would often go to use the bathroom and see her slumped forward. I thought she was dead when this happened. Again despite me telling her this she still continued to do it.
It sounds like your gf is hiding something. Perhaps drug use? Take the lock off the door and see if she continues to stay in there. She’s also selfish for locking the dog in there. Does she have the capacity to think about other people? Because that level of selfish is outstanding.
Try documenting everything calmly and talk to a professional. This kind of situation might need outside intervention.
Honestly, if someone’s living situation makes you miserable and they won’t even discuss change, you have to protect your own mental health too.
I’m sorry I just could not put up with that for even a month. Maybe you should mention separation being a possibility if she doesnt change.