Forewarning: I am extremely ignorant on the specific functions of the female reproductive system (thanks a lot mom) so please forgive me if this is outright wrong. I am working off the idea that most women supposedly (I can not personally confirm nor deny this) need to have some amount of (edit) time and foreplay before they are aroused (or whatever else it might be) enough to have sex comfortably compared to men who can become fully ready in a matter of like 30 seconds to a minute without any requirement for foreplay. Why is this the case? I’m genuinely curious from whatever points of view would matter (biological, psychological, etc)
Edit: Im getting really confused because Im both posting comments and getting notifications for comments that arent appearing? So I might have tried to respond or something and it just didnt work not sure what is going on
Edit again: well annoyingly enough this has gotten way more attention than I anticipated just like some of my other questions. At this point I’ve gotten more than enough answers and recommendations for more info so I’m not going to respond or interact any further.
Comments
Well, not all are.
But one theory is that women need to be slower and more careful in choosing a mate, while males should in theory mate as much as they can.
Try going in dry. It hurts
it takes time for the vagina to become lubricated and relaxed to make sex pleasurable and comfortable. i guess it’s just anatomical differences?
There are more consequences to sex for women.
Hormones, and depending on the day of her cycle.
As with nearly everything related to humans, it varies. Some people simply “get ready” faster, regardless of their genital configuration.
In theory, women are ready for sex much more quickly than men as they don’t need to get an erection. The vagina is always there… it’ll just be uncomfortable (if not painful) for penetration to occur (which evolution “doesn’t care” about because reproduction can still happen).
In practice, women tend to need wait a bit more if they want the sex to actually feel good as there’s more for their body to do (produce lubrication, expand vaginal canal) to prepare.
I will also add that feeling aroused can be entirely separated from one’s physical response. Bodies are weird like that sometimes.
Because women are aroused emotionally not physically
The buildup is just as erotic as the actual act
Hormones, also from I experienced and gathered by actually talking with the women I am with is the mental factor. As in what is/was on their mind or also if the guy isn’t vocal then it’s usually them going through the motions
Maybe you’re going about it wrong.
Tom Jones has them throwing their knickers at him, and that’s before he even starts singing.
I once read somewhere that women are like an iron, get heated slowly but stay such for long, whereas men are like a matchstick, get heated in no time and burn out soon.
This is a false premise.
Women, if rightfully stimulated are just as horny as men.
I don’t know who you’re dating dude, but this is absurdly false.
It depends on the day and context, just like for guys. At least based on my sample of 1 over the past couple decades.
A woman’s most powerful sex organ is not between her legs, it’s between her ears. You must stimulate her mind to get her body to follow.
Women run on diesel
A theory I heard and that I buy into is this; generally speaking, women have a harder time “shutting off”. So while men are great at hitting the mental off switch and being fully in the moment, women take waaay longer to do that.
It takes more foreplay to get her fully to where she can let go of meal plans, kids’ activities and what needs to be packed/prepared for that, upcoming birthdays and buying cards/gifts, that plate they never got around to put in the dishwasher…
Google the mental load.
Not in my relationship I’m not. He is.
Women statistically know very little about their own sex organs. A woman wrote a book about it after learning the majority of women haven’t even looked between their legs with a mirror.
Might be because arousal for females is not a physical requirement for reproduction but a natural response to sex
If you want tons of info on why this is and isn’t true, and just lots of info about women’s sexuality, I highly recommend Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. She answers all your questions and it’s really interesting and easy to read.
Because most men aren’t arousing
We are misinterpreting sex.
Sex isn’t just coitus. Sex is all the process, starting at flirting.
Calling sex only to the last part is the reason people think women are less sexual than men. Is also the reason people think a proper intercourse should last an hour!? Just not.
Men are too phallic centered and that ruined the whole thing for everyone.
You’re not doing it correctly.
I think testosterone’s just one hella of drug
As my wife likes to tell me when she feels I’m not romancing her enough, men are microwaves and women are ovens.
Like many aspects of human physiology, I’d speculate it’s related to continuation of the species. Men are wired to spread their seed far and wide while women are concerned with appropriate partner selection.
Generally speaking, of course.
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Am woman and this is certainly not the case for me personally. Just ask my SO, all he has to do is look in my direction and I am ready to jump his bones. Or if I’m having a bad day and not even thinking about sex, he just has to hug me or take his shirt off and it’s 0-100 for me.
I can’t speak for all women obviously but it varies from woman to woman.
I’ve had ex’s who were men who were never in the mood so the reverse is true too, some men just don’t wanna get it on.
Because it simply isn’t true. A woman can get aroused pretty fast. A man can get aroused pretty slow. Depends on the circumstances for everyone involved.
About 25 years ago I had a girlfriend, who got aroused immediately when I just was in the same room. Even today, she still gets horny as fuck and her pussy’s dripping wet, leaking like a damn faucet just by thinking about me. Long story short, I married someone else, which ultimately intensified her feelings for me. My wife and my current girlfriend (not the one from 25 years ago) both need some intense foreplay before I’m able to side my duck into them. So, I guess, men and women are all different with different preferences and stuff. There’s no generic answer to OPs question.
OP, please get yourself a copy of Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski.
Actually, everyone should read it. She goes into detail about just this. It’s an excellent book.
This chemistry is the result of billions of years of evolution. Not to go too bill nye on everyone, but its in a species’ best interest for females to be horny longer to have multiple partners during ovulation. NOW, humans are doing their own thing with societies and social norms, so this doesn’t excuse Incel bullshit rhetoric, but those primal mechanisms are still in place. It’s a pattern we see with majority of mammals.
No selective advantage to quick arousal in females because evolutionarily arousal doesn’t sufficiently change their reproductive success, assuming arousal speed is separate from willingness to copulate. All men have to do to reproduce is ejaculate, so evolution has made that process as efficient as selective pressures have allowed for.
So, evolution. Evolution does not optimize. Evolution is merely a way of talking about the combinations of traits within organisms that managed to survive. So when asking any kind of why type question regarding biological traits the answer is always that it either helped the organism survive or didn’t inconvenience it badly enough that it died before creating offspring.
So, men kinda need to be able to reach arousal and orgasm in order to reproduce. Women, well, let’s say that being relatively slow to become aroused or reach orgasm at all has not consistently been a barrier to reproduction, and may have reproductive advantages.
Maybe slow arousal is a factor in careful mate selection, or something along those lines. Speculating about the psychology of it all is dangerous and tends to get people in lots of trouble.
Mental stimulation I think. My mind wanders when having sex, I don’t meet alot of men who have wandering minds when having sex, they seem very focused lol
My girlfriend is a lot easier and faster to get aroused than I am
I grew up as a nerd, who internalize the fact that none of my boners would ever be useful, so I suppressed them and didn’t often make confident moves to acquire sex. Now that they are useful, it takes some convincing for it to get up.
My girlfriend grew up as a little bit of a horn ball. She made confident moves to acquire sex when she wanted to with a high degree of success. If she wanted sex, she could get it. So her body tells her that she wants sex more often.
Depends on the woman, the person they’re with, and the situation. Some women I’ve been with got hornier faster than I could, some required more time and attention. Communicate with your partner and it’ll be easier for both parties.
Well I like to reference the animal kingdom and the evolutionary process.
In the animal kingdom, the whole process begins with courting the female which technically females would hypothetically filter out through process of eliminations. Think of women having multiple guys to choose from. Now in this day and age we have sentience to be able to stray from this evolutionary norm. Regardless, the idea that women have multiple potential suitors, they can be meticulous in choosing the mate whereas a male has to do his best to be singled out for mating. Once a male is chosen then again, hypothetically, he has to be quick to mate with a female or he loses his chance with her for another male that could’ve been quicker per se.
Again it’s all argumentative since our species is sentient enough to go against evolutionary aspects we’ve acquired. Plus evolution/adaptation isn’t really about what’s good, just good enough.
Now in modern civilized times one can argue that we still hold these traits even though we’re aware to go against it otherwise. Multiple men can try to “pickup” women and court them but they can choose not to as well. Women can be receptive of multiple men but also choose not to as well.
The courting process can still be meticulous and have a lot of variables leading all the way up to intercourse including having a “mental” side of being there.
Consider the process as a spectrum. You can have people that get aroused easy and people that don’t. Multiple people, male and female, fall on different areas of that spectrum.
There could be multiple variables that affect a persons ability to feel aroused such as stress and environmental factors and even upbringing.
I guess short story long, idk lol but there are probably guys out there having difficulty getting aroused as well but we just hear more of it stigmatized towards women
In my personal experience… women aren’t harder to arouse, it’s just not as obvious as a man. Women are pretty good at hiding their arousal levels. Almost all of the women I’ve had sex with were already dripping wet before I even touched them. And this is coming from a woman who sleeps with women.
Don’t take in the negative. It’s all about practice.
You’ll be good . Just try. and you’ll be good. I promise you.
In my experience, when I’m slow to arouse, it’s because I’m not attracted to someone/certain stimulation, or, if I am, my attraction is not a conscious thought that my conscious mind agrees with, likely for very good reasons.
I’m quick to be aroused when I’m attracted to someone/stimulation and I’m aware and accepting of my attraction.
I mean, I think part of it is just that women’s bodies are having to do more to get to full readiness. Lubrication has to start up and build, the vagina has to elongate. then factor in how difficult it is for either gender to become aroused if they are nervous. Because sex prior to being fully ready to go is often painful for women, even women who are very into it and consenting can be a bit nervous if they have a history of too soon penetration. Then of course you have hormones which can slow things down. Then you have the social aspect, where many women are pressured to engage in sex they aren’t that jazzed about which also slows down turn on time, the fact that women often have a higher workload than men as they tend to shoulder as much outside employment as men and with most of the domestic duties, so they are tired.
Take a relaxed, happy, woman who is really into her male partner and I don’t think there’s a huge difference in time to arousal.
My wife says that women are like a very old car with a V12 inside.
Several tries to turn on, needs proper care throughout the day, but once it turns on, holy shit
Women are just as ready to go as men, if they like the man. In my experience I can just ask a dude straight out if they want me and carry on from there. With women they seem to prefer more subtlety. This is from a casual encounter pov.
When it comes to actual relationships I haven’t noticed any difference sexually. Both parties are always ready to go regardless of who initiates. Take my anecdotal experience with a grain of salt though, I was attractive and promiscuous in my youth and if I were to try and live that life again with my current lack of muscles and hair I expect things might be more difficult.
Emily Nagoski talks about different kinds of desires in her book “Come As You Are”. Some people have spontaneous desire and can be aroused quickly, while some people have responsive desire and are slower because their desire is contingent on anticipation, feelings of safety, and intimacy. As a society we’ve normalized the idea of spontaneous desire (sudden onset and often tied to physiological responses, or coming from inside us) more than responsive desire (which develops from stimulation / as a response to pleasure and cultivating vulnerability).
Men are more visual and easily physically aroused. Women need more of an emotional connection. Well, most women.
Taking your time is the difference between bad sex and good sex, for women. Bad sex is worse than no sex for women.
Pussy privilege
You don’t put meat in a cold skillet do you? Women are a like skillets, they need heated gently and patiently before the meat goes in.
So there is no binary yes or no response to this
But as a rule of thumb, this is a better question to ask each individual partner before hand, “What gets you in the mood, and what ruins it?” Than to assume any specific partner will follow whatever you learn here.
We are the gatekeepers, and we will evaluate the future of Humankind accordingly.
I get my clit vibrator out and some porn and that gets me going good!
Not all women do
The iron thing is so true!
It’s 100% mental.
lol I love you blaming your mom when this is definitely a question for dads…..
Depends upon the woman
My wife just needs my fingers run through her hair and slight scratch of my nails across her back to be thirsty
I doubt i could get my ex wife wet in a whirpool
Testosterone
Lol they’re not. This is a you problem
Wish women were super easy to become aroused 😩
As with all these types of questions: the biology of the species.
I’m not sure you’re correct. I think that arousal for women is just considerably more subtle than for men in many cases. Sexually healthy women generally will have a wet vagina without the need for extended periods of foreplay. You can also see other signs of arousal in women such as flushed lips and some men are even able to subconsciously or consciously pick up on it.
FWIW I think that we often confuse a woman’s level of arousal with her degree of desire. Most healthy women, like men, will become aroused by various stimuli. Unlike men, many women can ignore the arousal signals if they feel no desire or need to act on it. Just like me can go soft, women can also have issues with being or staying aroused but that’s generally more an issue of health or circumstance than an inability of women to become easily aroused.
I’d say this is definitely situational.
My current partner is safe and accountable in ways my past partner never was. Guess who I’m aroused for kinda 24/7, and who complained that I didn’t put out enough?
A partner who makes you feel safe is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
can’t generalize. usually during ovulation window (in the days before and after) women can become aroused to their highest degree with the quickness of their counterpart… BUT then that means potential baby, lol.
When finding a partner, perhaps Op wants a high-libido (don’t say that to a woman). Some things to note:
(1) Women low in testosterone (not exercising or low muscle mass can create low testosterone) can have low libido.
(2) Low zinc can affect libido too—this is why oysters are an aphrodisiac.
Health is wealth!
Not all. I can look at my wife and she drips and then I call her a snail
In nature, it costs the woman more significantly to make babies than the men. The men, just bust a nut, take a nap, and then can stay on go fuck around n hunt mammoths or whatever, he has no other attachment requirements for reproduction. A woman can die just from feeding everything she has in her body mass to grow the baby. If she survives birth, she then has to put more resources and time into protecting her offspring. So, from a scientific perspective, it could be a result of evolutionary changes that mean that the intrasexual determination process has more steps to ensure a good choice in partner has been made.
Because men dont realize that most women need mental stimulation. The vast majority cant even grasp at that concept. They think they have to talk about politics and then boom. That’s it. And then when they get to the sex part, they literally only stick their dicks in and out, COMPLETELY forgetting about the PERSON that’s with them. I believe a switch flips inside men’s brains and forget they’re having sex with another living, sentient being and not just a flesh light.
I’ve been with one who would become aroused faster than me…I don’t take even more than 30 seconds…
A few kisses and she’s ready
Women have been sexually repressed and traumatized for literally thousands of years by man. They are swimming in mountains of trauma and insecurity in regards to their sexuality.
Everyone making up metaphors to differentiate men and women’s sexuality is just playing into that dynamic.
Anyone who has been a relationship with a woman who is comfortable with her sexuality with mutual trust and care for each other’s pleasure knows that a woman’s sexual response isn’t really different from a man’s
Y’all need to read Come As you Are. Smdh
Honestly, I’ve found this to get false. On average, I think men usually want it more often (with some significant variance), but women are just as sexual. Women being seen as the choosers, though, means that they’re not going around advertising their horniness, because they’d be overwhelmed by the response. There are also more consequences to sex. So they’re more selective and picking the men that they want.
If you’re finding that women around you aren’t sexual, it’s probably just that they’re not into you.
Caveman genes. (Read in caveman voice but also as a joke. ) Man spread seed every where. Any where. Women pregnant long time. Need to think it through. Man not in danger, man is danger. Safe to fk anywhere. Women always in danger. Need to feel safe first.
It depends on the woman and the circumstances. You might just be trying to floor a race car on a cold start
Not all women. Women are individuals.
You are presuming a stereotype to be factually accurate.
Responsive desire vs. spontaneous desire
Women are very much more emotional creatures and that also comes in play in arousal. They don’t get as turned on from physicality compared to us men. A woman can see a good looking guy or something sexy and like it but they won’t get really turned on like us guys do.
They are more emotional and sensual. You have to set the mood and often times do things throughout the day(if you are in a relationship). This is also why women can get off tremendously from erotic novels and such when it almost never works on us men.
So don’t rush it, take your time, set the mood, and be sensual. Majority of women simply don’t work on “I’m horny let’s go”. This also could have to do with women taking on considerably more risk in sexual encounters compared to men(like becoming pregnant)
People be in their heads and won’t let go it’s boring af
the simple answer is lower testosterone levels.
i remember having nearly zero sex drive while on the pill. and the reason was it was reducing my testosterone (and estrogen) levels and raising my progesterone levels (making me depressed).
now, being off the pill and having more testosterone, its a lot easier to become aroused.
some people are more sensitive to stuff like this and its especially apparent if you observe someone throughout their full menstrual cycle. around the time of your period you have low levels of all hormones. depressed. no sex drive. then in the follicular phase (week after period) your estrogen levels slowly raise, increasing sex drive. around ovulation you get a peak of testosterone and peak sex drive. then during luteal phase (week before period) it all slowly goes down and sex drive goes back down.
Women are like a diesel engine while men are more like bottle rockets – source is popular 1990s redneck comedian.
Men just aren’t as physically attractive as women are, so it’s harder for women to get excited about us visually. While women are incredibly physically attractive so guys are always ready to go.
I personally think it’s because the brain plays more of a role with SOME women.
For myself, if I want to become aroused it can take a while. Foreplay is great for me and I enjoy it.
If I don’t get any foreplay I just won’t orgasm. And that’s fine. It’s not always about my orgasm. Sometimes I want to be there for my partner.
But, for myself, I need foreplay. I need to be built up. I even like it lol.
I don’t think this is true for all women though. My ex gf got aroused very quickly. Some women (also some men) just take a bit longer. Some people have to be really in the mental headspace to do it.
I’m not there
I would say that women aren’t harder or slower to become aroused than they have historically been. I would challenge that expectations created with porn watching make people think that women are just always roaring and ready to go, when they are not.