Hi, i recently just transferred to a new school. Meaning ill meet new environments, teachers, friends and people. Back then, ive always wanted to know what it feels like to be in a lovey dovey and romantic relationship. I gave up and stopped believing love actually existed after being single for so long, but suddenly a girl i never expected her to like someone like me actually has a crush on me.
I’ll admit, shes cute, shes nice, shes very talkative. Shes exactly my type. But something tells me that i dont want her and i dont think im ready for a relationship. Everytime she texts me like she actually wants me to talk with her, i feel annoyed and trapped. Like im forced to talk with her. Is it because im so used to freedom and no one to talk to? Everytime she wants me to say something romantic, i cringe at how corny it sounds at the point i dont actually know what the hell is wrong with me.
can someone help?
Comments
You’re not into her. If you were into her, her calls and texts would not be unwelcome (within reason).
It happens! Chemistry in dating is random, you can’t control it.
Some people are just not compatible with each other.
If you don’t feel a spark then you can’t force it.
Romance is scary, and it’s legitimately dangerous, but YOLO.
Lots of people feel like that in a new relationship. If it helps to think of this as a “practice” relationship that might help. If you allow it to develop, you may start to crave the text messages and spending time with her.
If you are truly interested in developing this part of yourself, get a few therapy sessions. There are many many tools that can help you thrive in relationships
I really dislike interacting through a phone.
Texting feels like a burden, and phone calls make me feel trapped somehow.
Doesn’t matter how much I like the person on the other end.
You sound like you are about twelve. There is no need to rush into a “relationship” when you are still a kid.
It’s ok to trust your gut and say no thanks. Having no chemistry with someone who should be “your type” does happen. At the same time, it’s ok to take time and process things before you judge a situation. Sometimes it takes people a while to fully understand how they feel about something. That’s ok too.
You have to decide whether the benefits outweigh the losses. Just something to keep in mind though just because you don’t like texting/calling doesn’t mean you don’t like the person. I am extremely annoyed every time my dad calls/texts me but it doesn’t mean I love him any less (this goes for a lot of people in my life). I hate texting him but every time I’m with him I’m happy as hell
You can find someone physically attractive without being romantically attracted to them, which is what this sounds like to me.
It’s possible you’re just currently not ready for a relationship or just simply arent into this girl in particular. Just because logically someone seems like the type of person you’d want, that doesnt mean they actually are.
Especially if you’ve never been in a relationship, its easy to assume your preferences based on what seems good but in practice you may find that you desire entirely different things.
Regardless, I highly recommend against trying to force this to work if even just talking to her feels like a chore. A relationship like that is never going to work out if it feels like this from the very start.
Relationships and romance are funny that way. Like others said, it sounds like you’re just not compatible and there’s no real chemistry. It is very odd sometimes how someone who, on paper, is your absolute dream partner, even with them being in to you, just doesn’t spark that chemistry. When you’re not in a relationship, and this kind of thing happens, yeah… relationships do seem very corny and cringy. But then sometimes you find someone who is pretty far from your ideal, you have little in common, maybe not even the most physically attractive to you personally. Just not your type. But for some reason, you may have great chemistry, get along great and things just somehow work. It’s weird. It usually doesn’t make sense. But sometimes that’s just how it is.
Romance is just corny by nature. When it’s not you, it’s definitely cringy. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Heck, me and my wife will occasionally laugh about it. We’ll do something cheesy, corny, cringy, enjoy the moment, but then laugh over it with disgust saying something like, “Ugh, now we’re one of THOSE couples! We can never tell anyone we just did that.”
But yeah, if you’re just finding it cringy, not endearing, not fun, not liking it at all, then it’s most likely you just don’t have that chemistry with this person. It happens, even when on paper it should work.
You’ve got two decent options as far as I can see: Move on, and let the girl know you’re just not interested so you don’t string her along. Or actually give it a shot. Sometimes nerves or stress can make it seem worse than it is, and getting over that newness of it might work. Just, whatever you do, be honest with her.
Sometimes you’re just not attracted to someone and that’s ok. I learned the hard way that pretending to like someone back is a LOT more painful for both parties than just admitting that you’re not into them.
Too many sitcoms have rotted your brain.
Its simple, she’s not the one.
You cannot control your feelings, only submit to them or deny them place, and life is not a checklist, you do not get into a relationship because you “have the chance” but rather because you are romantically into the other person.
So you might either not interested in that person, not interested in romance or something else but that would be the job of a therapist to say
This sounds similar to how I felt dating as a teen, I am Aromantic. I didn’t know it at the time and just thought I hadn’t found ‘the one’ but I never felt that butterfly excitement others speak of about crushes. I hated being expected to be around them. I dislike cuddling and holding hands. I feel all of it is more an expectation put on me than an enjoyable thing that I really want.
I haven’t dated since and am happier than most of my allo friends. I just have zero interest and that is fine.
Don’t let people make you feel like you haven’t met the right person if you try and don’t enjoy any part of it. I would say I felt more like a therapist or dog to keep my ex’s company than I did a partner because it all just annoyed me lol.
Then again you sound young and this could be you want to like the person because they are attractive but you don’t fit personality wise. So don’t rule it all out. I just always feel weird reading these threads and hearing the same thing I did at 16 about how when I found the person I would change my mind. I am 32 and haven’t.
It’s a pretty big red flag when your gut says something like that.
I was always the same way, I wanted a relationship, but once I was in one, I just wanted it to be over… they were always nice girls, and it wasn’t like they were doing anything terrible (for the most part) it was just like I felt like I picked up an obligation more than I felt like I was in a relationship.
Then I met the right one, and as I tell people “She made me understand why people like being in a relationship”. I haven’t had any sort of the feelings I’ve always had in the past.
Our body’s are pretty good at figuring out that a situation is detrimental to our wellbeing.
You dont like her for whatever reason. Otherwise it would feel right and not cringe.