My first abuser is dead and I don’t know how to feel.

r/

I (28F) grew up with this man as an uncle figure, he was a family friend and I loved him like my family. At age 13 I was the victim of his (then 30yo) assault. I lived with my father at the time and he did not defend me. For obvious reasons I never tried to keep up with this man’s life

Today I got a message from a different family friend asking to pass their contact to my dad and saying one of his friends passed. I looked at her profile and it was him. My first feeling was relief and the second was guilt. I’ve never wished anyone dead but am I wrong to be happy he isn’t alive?

Comments

  1. Difficult-Thanks- Avatar

    Not at all. Feels nice don’t it ✨

  2. ketchupdong Avatar

    Hi, my own grandfather did this to me and I had very similar feelings. I was also ashamed. I don’t think it’s wrong to be relieved, but I had to do some digging to understand exactly why. It seems obvious, “he hurt me and now he’s gone” / “he got what he deserved” but if that feels wrong to you, you may not be honest with yourself.

    For me, it’s somewhere along the lines of, “I wanted to trust you and couldn’t. I’m glad you can’t put me in harm’s way anymore.” See I’m not glad he’s dead or died painfully. I work on not conflating the two every time I think about it.

  3. Express_Bandicoot_41 Avatar

    I dunno if this is allowed but I am WAITING for the day my abuser dies. God its going to be glorious.

    Please, don’t feel any guilt. He doesn’t deserve it and I’d bet he never felt guilty over what he put you through. I really really really hope you find peace and healing though. You absolutely deserve that ❤️

  4. Which-Willingness-71 Avatar

    Hes rotting in hell (hell doesn’t exist but still)

  5. Which-Willingness-71 Avatar

    Be glad that fucker is dead, at least now u know he can never abuse someone else!

  6. Medusa-1701 Avatar

    You’ll go through the shock and then the stages of grief.

  7. Grilth Avatar

    Cant wait for my two brothers who I lived with who abused me to die, I’ll be happy as fuck.