A few of my friends have kids. My husband and I (in our mid 20s) don’t want any yet. They keep jokingly saying we should give their kids cousins. It’s so annoying and honestly feels like a misery loves company situation. All of them seem very stressed lol.
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Idk why people brag abt having children, like sure, they’re gods gift or whatever but not necessarily everyone needs to have kids. You should only have em when you really feel ready, I feel like they just want you guys to join in on the misery and talk shit abt having kids lmao
I’m really sorry that this is happening to you. That’s really annoying. I have a kid, and telling other people that they should have kids always struck me as a faux pas. Like, it just puts so much pressure on who you’re talking to.
FWIW though, I don’t think it’s an intentional thing that they’re doing to either stress you out, pressure you, or make themselves less miserable. (Also, I kinda think that when people think about having kids, they tend to approach it like ordering a new dish a restaurant, and ask themselves, will this make me happy or unhappy? But I think that’s a bit too simple to really capture the parenting experience. From what I’ve felt, parenting makes you both incredibly happy and incredibly unhappy simultaneously. So I guess I say that to say that they’re probably not really “unhappy” in the traditional sense, though yes, they are stressed for sure.)
I think what’s happening is that your friends miss you, and want to connect with you like the did before, but they can’t really do that fully because they are so focused on their kids 24/7. So when they say “you guys should have kids”, I think the message is really “I wish we could connect like we did before.” So like, maybe that’s an opening to try connect on what you’ve had in common in the past, or find new things to connect on, etc. etc.
Tell your friends to piss off and mind their own business
I mean, outside of specific situations, they very likely are not stressed about their kids. Certainly it changes how you do things in life. But it isn’t some black mark on us all.
I am not saying you SHOULD have kids by any means. But I can say with confidence that I love my kid and have enjoyed every waking moment having her around. Sure it was harder for me to play and hang out when she was younger because I didn’t want to hurt her. I wouldn’t trade the relationship I have with her now for anything.
If you don’t want them, then fine. But clearly your friends are enjoying their kids and the other friends who have kids as well. Maybe they wanna share that joy with you.
Misery indeed loves company. Politely tell them you’re not interested in keeping cum pets for a while.
It’s worth it to have a lighter shut down, or a more serious conversation if their nudging is bothering you.
That being said, I can think of two reasons that are much more likely than your ‘misery loves company’ explanation. The first is that they honestly love their kids more than anything in the world. Yes, parenting is hard, but its also cherished. They may genuinely believe you will get something out of it.
The second is that there might be some anxiety over losing friends due to differences in lifestyle. Again, that shouldn’t translate into pressuring you into a family and babies situation, but it might be a more useful entry into the conversation than ‘I have surmised that you are unhappy and want me to be unhappy as well’
I imagine that they are lonely. They chose to have kids young and they want other people to be doing it to help make them feel better about their choices to have kids young. Plus it is an excuse to hang out with you more.
My view is that it is inappropriate to ask folk about kids unprompted.
A lot of women struggle with fertility or have a complicated relationship with motherhood, and your friends should be more considerate about starting these conversations.
just start being adamant about saying no. just say hello nah im good. just say ill let you know when it happens until then i dont want to hear you say it again. for whatever reason theyre saying it, it doesn’t matter. just say no thank u
I have 4 kids and had all 4 by the age of 30. I have never once told someone they should have kids. I wouldn’t trade mine for the world but I still think it’s weird to suggest others have them.
If I were you I’d firmly tell them you aren’t ready yet and to stop asking. Hopefully they respect that
I’d say I really don’t want kids right now and it’s aggravating when people always tell you that you should. That should get the point across- if they disregard the at then there are bigger problems