Back when we first started dating, my boyfriend was not over his ex and told me he still had feelings for her. I never fell in love so hard before so I was willing to stay and help him heal and love him through everything. He wanted to move out of state so I followed.
And then I got pregnant. I lost the baby just days after I found out and told him a couple of weeks after it and just before he went on a trip to California and then a cruise to Hawaii. He didn’t say much but I remember he was relieved my baby died. Told me everything happens for a reason and it was probably for the best. And then tried to reconect with his ex.
Now, we moved past it and our relationship got better, stronger and healthier. A lot has changed and we are about to get married. But I just can’t let it go. I never talk about it because I feel so much shame, I know that if the baby was hers he would had dropped everything to be there for her. He would have grieved her baby, but not mine. He didn’t care about mine.
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Give your head a wobble and cancel this wedding. Seriously what are you doing????
YOU DESERVE LOVE.
Why are you robbing yourself of the chance to find it for this absolute waste of space???
Never settle for second place
That’s heartbreaking to hear. You need to just go on and let this person go and find somebody that will love you the way you deserve to be loved.
Take a moment to imagine your future child, someone you have loved and nurtured and helped grow into adulthood. Imagine your pride and joy comes to you and says they’ve found the person they’re going marry. Sure, their partner flat out stated they were in love in with someone else and then tried to get back with that someone while your precious child was recovering from a physical and emotional trauma, but don’t worry! Like their partner told them, everything happens for a reason and their pain was probably for the best. After all, it freed their partner up to make super sure their ex really didn’t want them, and now your beloved child can rest easy knowing that their partner has no better options. Aren’t you just so happy knowing your kid has a love story just like mom and dad’s?
My dear girl, love yourself and your future children more than this.
… this will sound blunt, but do you want to be back here on reddit in 8 years, with 2 toddlers, complaining how your husband started cheating with his ex during your second pregnancy? Or perhaps he won’t even wait for the second.
By allowing yourself to be second best to him, you are putting yourself in a position where you can be discarded as soon as she shows interest in him again (like if a guy cheats on her she’ll come running back to the one that was obsessed with her). I understand you love him, I also love chocolate but if I eat too much of it I will get diabetes and could even die. Not everything you love is good for you, and not everyone you love is good for you.
Imagine he leaves you for her after you have kids, they get married, they build their family and have kids (the kids he always wanted) and then he neglects the kids you had together. Your kids have to look at their dad building the perfect family with someone else, with kids he wants, and you get to go find another man that will actually love you, only this time you have the additional “baggage” of kids which unfortunately is still not like, a great plus in many single men’s books so your choice will be more limited than they would be now, when you are childless and younger.
Please learn something from all the women before you who made the mistake you are about to.
Have more self-respect. He will discard you as soon as his ex is available. He doesn’t love you.
You knew since 2023 that your bf still loved his ex & you still continued the relationship 🥴
WTF are you doing? I would’ve never taken him back or “get over things”. What an asshole he was to you in this terrible situation. You want to bind yourself to him for the rest of your life? Please… get a grip and cancel the wedding and get far away from him.
Why are you with this person? Would you want your daughter to end up with a guy that treated her like this?
And who asked you to be a martyr?
Like seriously?! You know in your heart that he doesn’t care about you as much as his ex and yet you’re still w him? If you aren’t gonna do something about it then just deal w it and stop complaining.
I just want to ask you one thing..do you not have someone in your life to point out what all these comments been saying?
Why are you marrying someone who is only with you because his attempt to reconnect with his ex failed? An attempt made while still dating you. And attempt made whole you were emotionally suffering already.
So why marry someone who you know won’t actually be there for you?
Girl. I say this with love…
Have some self respect.
Please reread your post. If you had a sister, cousin, friend or daughter come to you and say all this what would you advise her to do? He’s treated and treating you like a placeholder. You lost a baby and all he could say it was for the best and goes on a cruise to reconnect with his ex. My guess the ex didn’t want him back.
Look you don’t deserve to be second best in your own relationship.
You will grow to resent him and his ex. You already have seen what he was like when you became pregnant, imagine having another pregnancy do you want to be in a relationship where you are not loved or respected? Do you want to your child to grow up in a family where they can see that your partner doesn’t care or love you?
In the end you’re going to make the decision to either get married to this man or not, but just think about the long term. And what this man has shown you. From your post I just see your boyfriend is a guy who couldn’t convince his ex to take him back and is using you as a placeholder. If she snapped her fingers he’d go running back to her.
You keep saying you love him and that is great, but you never mention if he loves you and I don’t see how you love you. Please in this instance choose you and love you first. This whole situation has been traumatic for you. You don’t need to put up with it. If you need therapy please get it. But don’t shackle yourself to someone who clearly doesn’t love you. Focus on your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health because you didn’t deserve this but you deserve to heal from it. I wish you the best because you deserve it. Good luck 🤞
He never put you first . Leaving you for a cruise is exactly what you need to see “you are not the right one for me.”May be your relationship is good right now, but it might change with the first sign of his ex or new one. He left you easily when you needed him once, why not again!. My mom told me to choose who loves you more .it is true. Also, you need therapy to deal with the pain and hurt. You deserve better .
He never put you first . Leaving you for a cruise is exactly what you need to see “you are not the right one for me.”May be your relationship is good right now, but it might change with the first sign of his ex or new one. He left you easily when you needed him once, why not again!. My mom told me to choose who loves you more .it is true. Also, you need therapy to deal with the pain and hurt. You deserve better .
If you go ahead and marry this person you are an utter fool. Marriage is long term commitment. Once the wedding is over and you realize that yes the pictures are pretty but now you’re stuck with this person, it’ll be too late.
You need a therapist. Not a wedding.
He never put you first . Leaving you for a cruise is exactly what you need to see “you are not the right one for me.”May be your relationship is good right now, but it might change with the first sign of his ex or new one. He left you easily when you needed him once, why not again!. My mom told me to choose who loves you more .it is true. Also, you need therapy to deal with the pain and hurt. You deserve better .
you cannot be serious
Read this story like this boy is not your boyfriend. He sounds like a total POS. Why are you getting married? Talk to a trusted adult or get in therapy you are not making wise decisions from the onset of this story.
WTF is wrong with you? HE’S IN LOVE WITH HIS EX GIRLFRIEND!! How much louder can I yell this before you hear it?!
Are you that hard up for a man that you’ll marry this AH? You allowed him to cheat on you. He will continue to do so throughout your marriage. He will not care about your feelings. Look what he did after your miscarriage. He will never care about any children you have. HE WILL NEVER CARE ABOUT YOU! HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU!!
You need to dump him and get some serious therapy. Stay single until you heal yourself.
Hey girl hey. YOU ARE NOT A CONSOLATION PRIZE 🏆
Drop this fkn loser cancel your wedding and move the fk on. This guy settled for you because he couldn’t have her. Wake up my dear you deserve better. He told you everything happens for a reason and yes the reason is for you to not be with his ass. When he said that it should have been your cue to GTFO and never look back.
>Now, we moved past it
What he did to you was unimaginably cruel. You don’t need to work through it or move past it, you need to demand better for yourself.
Have you heard “cudn’t b me” yet? It’s going to make you sick. Give it a listen and don’t get married.
I could’ve written this. I married my version. He became abusive, cheated regularly, I never measured up to other women in his life (I couldn’t even measure up to HIM), I worked 3 jobs while he played video games. I eventually got the courage to leave and now I’m married to the right man and have two kids and couldn’t be happier. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Find the person who couldn’t see themselves with anyone other than you!
You should marry him, you lack the self esteem to do better for yourself. Girl go ahead and be that second best forever. Even your baby was gonna be second best. He don’t love you like that. But girl marry him a
He went to his ex when you lost the baby and then said “its for the best” then not only did you continue the relationship but youre gonna MARRY him?! Girl get some self respect and leave him.
He doesn’t love you. You may love him, but the feeling isn’t mutual. Please respect yourself and leave
There are better people out there TRUST ME!
You’ve fallen victim to “sunken cost fallacy”
At the very least you should insist on marital counseling before the wedding
And if he refuses? You need to ask yourself why, and rethink this wedding
He will drop you the second a pretty girl gives him a second glance, he’s already cheated on you before, he will do it again, if he’s not actively cheating on you now
So why are sticking around to settle? i promise their other people in the world who you can love one day. and who will love your baby.
As my best friend told her young co-worker, “never be some guy’s second car.” Hit me in the feels.
He didnt care about your baby or your feelings because he does not care about you. It didn’t work out with his ex so now he’s settling for you, probably cause life is easier with you around not cause he gives a shit
I want you to ask yourself a question do you think that if this woman clicked her finger and told your fiance to come back to her. How long do you think it would take him to dump you and for him and her to get back together😔. You are a placeholder until she becomes available or he finds somebody else. Do not marry this man you are not who he wants. Never let a man tell you more than once that he does not want you don’t do this your life is going to be miserable you are second and this is where you will stay because he does not really want to be with you he is there because of familiarity and convenience.
I need you to love yourself more than you love this man. I also need you to get him out of the way so that your real husband or significant other can come into your life and love you the way you deserve to be loved. If you marry this man you are going to be miserable because every move he makes every step he takes you’re going to be watching him you know your second have some self-respect and move on from him your real husband is waiting for you get this man out the way so he can see you .
INFO: Who was on the trip with him?
When he tried to reconnect, his ex either didn’t want him back or they tried again and it didn’t work out.
My dad always says “second is the first loser”! You’re this man’s second choice. His consolation prize. The fact that he didn’t care about losing his child and instead went on vacation then tried to reconnect with his ex is disgusting and wildly disrespectful! You’re settling for scraps and he’s settling for second best.
Why are you doing this to yourself?? This has the makings of ending in disaster for you! You deserve better. Anyway, best of luck.
You didn’t move past Read your last paragraph again.
Why are you with this guy? Like he left you after your miscarriages to pursue his ex.
He’s shown you that you are not his priority – why do you think he’ll out you or your children first if the ex wants him back? Do you really want to spend the rest id your life with a man like this?
Girrrllll he settled for you!! You and your child were second and when his ex turned him down he settled for you!!
You wanted to be picked so bad you accepted second choice!
Wow!! I could and would never be second!!! IM THE PRIZE!!
But you got picked so I’m assuming that’s all that mattered! I wish you luck becuz if his ex ever changed her mind he will be gone!
Sister, please reread this post and really think about what you wrote. You are willingly putting yourself in second place with a man who doesn’t really care about you. Good Lord.
Girl please don’t marry him
Why do this to yourself??
Don’t ignore the red flags
“We moved past it”
“But I can’t let it go.”
Sounds like he moved past it and you’ve been suffering. Please do not marry this man.
I do wonder what moving forward means here? There was never even anything for him to move forward from here.
It seems to me that moving forward means you accepting a reality with and you now committing your life to a person that does not have the same care for you.
I don’t think anyone here can tell you what to do. You seem to be rather resolute in him as a partner. I do recommend getting therapy, because you don’t marry your way out of feeling like an option.
My dear girl, there are more than 4 men in the world.
“But I looove him”
Take it from a woman married for 13 years to a flawed, frustrating, but good and devoted man: Love isn’t enough. It doesn’t get you through rough patches. Through death and taxes and job loss and money problems and life’s curveballs, and the dull periods you’ve run out of things tonsay to each other. To truly survive those things intact, you need friendship and trust and commitment from both parties. Otherwise you’ll find yourself in a one sided battle for your relationship your entire life, never able to rest in the security of a solid partnership because you can never trust he will choose you tomorrow. You deserve to be chosen, not a consolation prize you have to keep convincing him is good enough.
If things really were healthier, better, stronger, you would have been able to talk through this and feel secure. There’s a reason you still don’t. Listen to that. Divorce is harder than breaking up. Marriage is no guarantee.
Wait wait wait… so he didn’t care about one of the most painful things that happened to you, then he ran into his ex’s arms on a romantic cruise and you are back together and all’s well?
Wow I’m flabbergasted.
Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh no why are you marrying this man?! Don’t settle for 2nd place he will choose her if she is willing to take him back. You deserve to be with someone who LOVES you and ONLY you!!