I was watching a show where a woman marries the love of her life, and there was this beautiful moment with her dad—his backstory, how much he cared for her, how proud and loving he was during her wedding. And I just broke down crying. Because I realized… I’ll never have that. My dad left us when I was a kid. There was no protective, present, caring father in my life. No quiet strength. No dad to lean on. No dad to walk me down the aisle someday. And in that moment, watching that scene, I felt robbed. Robbed of something I never even had—but still long for so deeply. People say, “You can still have a beautiful life.” And I believe that, to a point. But that ache? That hole? It’s never going to be filled. Not even by marriage. Not even by love from someone else. There’s something specific about fatherly love that leaves a permanent gap when it’s missing. And it hurts that I didn’t get that. It hurts even more to accept that I never will.
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Who hasn’t?
I’m sorry OP, I know how you feel. My dad didn’t leave but he may as well have done because he was so absent and emotionally distant from me. He’s passed away now, will be 6 years in a few days…. Not trying to make this about me, I am just saying I understand completely. Wishing you healing and happiness OP
I have ugly croed during movies for the same reason. Sending you a hug.
I know this very well. My egg donor told me to kill myself and abused me emotionally, physically and parentified me. Dad was not in the picture. She denied him all rights, system did nothing. I found him at 30, he showed me all the court files that he tried but she got away with it. I found out that my mother stole me over 20y with my dad and filled me with lies. Unfortunately he died from cancer soon later and we couldn’t catch up all the lost time. I saw him rarely, because all this mess throw me in a deep hole. Till today i have this “what would have been” feeling” and if I see great dad-daughter relationsships in real live or in movies… my inner child cries and if I’m alone also crying irl . I will never really know how parental love feels. It is like at the zoo but instead of watching animals I look at loving parents and their kids as something “exotic”.
It takes courage to name that kind of loss. It’s a unique, lifelong ache, grieving someone who was never really there. And you’re right: no one else can fill that exact space, you are incredibly strong for facing them head-on.