So I’m (26F) currently dating a widow(40M) for the last 6 months. – we have a great time together and we laugh and go do fun things all of the usually dating stuff. He has been widowed for just over 2 years now, his LW anniversary was last month and I guess I didn’t realise how much he was struggling until last week.
I brought up the topic of where we are going, I asked him and he just said he didn’t know, he explained to me that he has had a really tough month since her anniversary last most and that it’s been up and down and he said that sometimes he feels great and then other times he feels the worst he’s ever felt. He reassured me that this is not reflection of me or what he thinks about me, he said that he thinks I’m great and that he loves spending time with me but he just doesn’t know, he also said that he knows it’s selfish for him to say this to me that he doesn’t know but he wanted to be honest with me. He looked upset when he was explaining that to me, guilty even.
I don’t think my timing was the best with bringing it up, like I said I didn’t think he was struggling as much as he is.
My question is am I being naive/silly if I stick around to see what happens? I don’t need things to move quickly I don’t mind waiting but I don’t want to wait forever either, he clearly isn’t ready for a full on relationship right now but that doesn’t mean he won’t ever be.
He’s a really special person to me now he makes me feel good and happy and makes me laugh and I have never clicked with someone as much I clicked with him so I think he would be worth waiting for but I just don’t know. Help🙁
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Taking aside the age gap, you are the only one that knows if waiting is really worthy.
Give him a couple of weeks, then sit him down and have this very conversation…he is clearly vulnerable and happy to be so in front of you, so be the same for him and I think you will find your answer.
This is really a conversation you need to have with him, just get it out there and respect whatever his truth is, too. He’s clearly still grieving but seems to want to treat you decently. Maybe the answer is that you split up, even if you still both care for each other. But if he’s not ready for another relationship, that’s understandable, but it’s also holding you both back.