Hello I need some advice on my living situation. Of course at the end of the day this is my decision but I wanted some input from other. I’ll try to make this short.
A year ago my best friend and I were looking for apartments. He then surprised me by saying his parents bought a house for him and he wanted me to live with him and his other friend. I was super down. The idea from the beginning was to have us live here for the rest of our college career. 3 months in and the other friend wasn’t paying rent and was being an awful roommate/ person. For this and things that happened in the past he cut him off and evicted him (rightfully so). His parents were mad since the reason they got such a big house instead of an apartment was because it would be the 3 of us. Now about 10 months in i’m having some regrets. I have grown distant from him and we have had a few issues as roommates since im kinda force to be a homeowner even though I am renting. He is also very messy especially since they have a pet which has led me to grown some resentment towards him. I renew my lease this summer but I don’t know if I should or not. I want to maintain my friendship with him and his parents.
Pros and Cons of living here:
PROS:
– Rent is decent for the area and also the amount of space we have, the room itself is a little small
– Im nearby the university we go to
– Its a big 3 bedroom house
– It will be hard finding a studio that is up to my standard for the same or lower price
CONS
– Even if we get another roommate then rent will not go down as this is just a fixed rate his parents have on the lease per person (is that even normal)
– His dad is my landlord
– Its hard living with someone who is so messy
– I will have to start fresh and buy alot of new things as he shares so many appliances, pans, and other tools
– Sometimes its nice to have company but I don’t like random roommates
– His girlfriend is always home and even though she is also my best friend she sometimes acts like she lives there
– I like keeping my own space tidy and thats hard when living with someone else
– Even though he is also paying rent it is his house and there is a different dynamic that comes with that type of roomate
What do you think?
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This is the parents’ problem, not yours. Please look out for yourself and don’t feel guilty for protecting your peace.
I dont like living eith messy people. A studio is better or even rent a room in a share house is cheaper.
If the cons outweighs the pros move out. It’s not free and because you are paying rent, you deserve to have some of your rights protected.
My mother always said “never let someone think they are better than you, know your worth and act accordingly.” It is better to be in a smaller space and have peace.
If your friend cannot keep the place clean, then he should hire a cleaner. Have a conversation with him and if things don’t improve, move out. If he lets it affect your relationship negatively, then that’s on him
Ask yourself, “if you were not my friend, what decision would I make?” sounds like you want to move out. I would.
For a little more money you really do get a lot more peace of mind. Thrift shops usually have kitchen appliances and yard sale season is coming. It sounds like you would enjoy creating your own space with things you picked out. You can maintain a close connection with your friend and his family. Be kind when you let them know you have found a place that better suits your needs. Let them know that as you advance closer towards your degree, you need a place of your own so that you will not be distracted from your studies. Thank them for the wonderful year and lovely home. Move out.
Tell his parents, he is a slob!
Show him this post.
You aren’t going to change him or anyone that moves in. You will just have to decide if you can live with the ‘cons’ or not.
If your home/living space isn’t your safe space, it’s not worth it. The pros are pretty pro, but the cons are soooooo much con. Just comparing the list you made, con outweighed the pro imo.
Work out what you can afford then look up rentals. You are essentially in a bedroom in a share-house right now, so compare that or a studio apartment. I think you will be unpleasantly surprised at standard rental costs without mates rates.
There was a noticeable lack of warmth in your post about your so called “best friend” so probably maintaining the relationship is less important than you think.
Most of the things you suggest are still problems if you move. You could still have a messy roommate, “random” roommates, gfs coming in and acting like they live there, etc.
I’m not saying stay but you do need to mostly examine the rent difference of these other places and decide if it’s worth the leap or not.
It is a temporary situation for college so I would be a little more chill about it. Most other college students would also be messy so moving to another apartment with different room mates might not make much of a difference.
Perhaps qhat you should do is to have a real discussion – e.g. divide up the chores, agree on some house rules and see if that is something that will make life easier for both of you and save your friendship.
Living with one of my best friends in university definitely ruined our friendship permanently.
One solution to the money side of the issue is for the GF to take the third spot.
But before you decide, sit down and talk to your friend. Tell him you are on the fence about renewing and one reason is that the house (not “he”) is so messy. Would he be willing to make some rules about keeping common spaces clean and empty of clutter? Can he be better about taking care of the dog?
This is an opportunity to learn to talk to people about hard things. It helps to do it when you are both relaxed and you have the goal of potentially staying in the house, but only if you can make some changes. This is a huge life skill. You lost nothing if you try to find middle ground. And even if you can’t get him to consider making changes, you know that you gave this situation every chance to succeed.
Explore your options and see what’s available if you were to move out. If it looks good, then go. If it will be unaffordable, more difficult, make the best of where you are.
Find your freedom and life.