I’m very confused. I confided in my grandma about it and she said I was acting crazy or too far gone and I want to stay mentally crazy. Granted her generation likely had a different view on mental health, but I’m struggling so much with my anxiety and sleep plus feeling sad or crying all the time. The family just screams at me- and because I let this mental health consume me for years I never moved out, I just stayed complacent and safe. I finally found a therapist and stuff and they said only one session should’ve been enough/ I shouldn’t have to switch therapists plus it’s all for money. They’re also telling me not to go on meds. My family as a whole says this but my grandma is the one I was talking to about this.
I also have been really staying to myself. I don’t have too many good friendships and sometimes I asked Reddit to help me with certain friends and the bottom line is i gotta branch out. So I did try. I told my grandma I wanna volunteer and she said that it’s not the best idea because one event happens late and she’s saying she can pick me up but it’s not a good idea to go. And that I should be fine alone why can’t I just explain things to myself. My family is often the kind that says “you should’ve done this.. why didn’t you do this” and I got it into my head. I think a lot about that or how I’m a failure and i want to change but my grandma is shooting down the ideas too. I wanna volunteer to get out of my head and stuff. She said I should focus on these classes I’m taking. Which I am- but I can’t keep saying “I’ll do x when y is done” because I never do things that way.
She also calls me to tell me about her past and relives these old stories over and over again. I realize maybe she didn’t process them but i feel unheard in life because everyone just talks at me. I’m very without support and I desperately want to change but it feels like I’m sinking and have nothing to right now. It scares me. And it’s not like I can tell anyone this either.
I’ve become so negative, bitter, and constantly criticizing myself. I need to change and stuff but I also have to take things one step at a time because at times I’m very avoidant and others I’m like I wanna do all these things. I’m just sharing here idk
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It sounds like they are scapegoating you. You have a problem. When you work to solve the problem, you’re still wrong.
It could also be pure selfishness. Because when people go to therapy, they talk about their relationships with people, including family members.
I would give toxic family members absolute minimum information.
so therapy helps if you don’t understand why you’re feeling something, ir for specific changing behavioural patterns.
friends actually help you feel better, and I’d suggest you need a friend. I don’t talk to my family regarding mental health because in that regard they’re shitty people. I do talk to my friend who’s even more broken than me, but upside of the reject and loser club (of which i’m a member) is there are some of the friendliest and kindest people you’ll meet, struggling with their own troubles. Try to be open minded.
Mates do not cut it, you need a relationship full of sincere care, and openness. That being said, mates do help distract, so you won’t immediately feel as bad, but it will come back.
Volunteering is an excellent idea, depending on what it is. a. if it’s a mission you support, that builds pride/self-worth b. if it’s in a social role b.it forces you to push through your anxiety. c. it can build new employable skills.
Alternatively work, maybe your family could help you get a job? idk.
In high school, I always.had friends but I was anxious, so meeting new people was not really an option for me, after high school it was really isolating, it wasn’t until I got my first job and the first week.went by did i notice my anxiety ‘went away.’ If you put yourself in situations regularly that set your social anxiety off, but don’t result in conflict etc… i.e. going to work, you adapt and eventually it becomes normal. It does also come back if you stop, so be aware, but it is easier to fight it once you know what that journey is like.
I’d suggest setting the goal of one big social event (with your peers) a month, a party, outing, games night, etc… more the better. By doing it regularly you meet people, you train that anti-anxiety skill, and generally they’re pretty fun.
Commenting so I can add my too long reply later xo (it was too long to even be broken into just two comments so I will be back!) <3
Meds for mental health are the only medicine people take that makes people think they are sick. Its weird. Like, if I have strep throat, and need antibiotics – people know and believe I have strep throat whether I take my medicine or not. But something about taking medication to help with anxiety or depression is like admitting you are actually sick. “Sure, you are stressed, but you’re stressed enough to take medicine? There must be something wrong with you.”
Its bizarre and backward and comes from a time when people with any kind of mental health need were considered possessed by the devil, sinners, being punished for something, basically shameful. It all comes from a mis-understanding of mental health and in itself, it is not healthy.
Do what you need to do for yourself, and let people catch up to you. Exposure to healthily dealing with your emotional needs will normalize it for them eventually
You poor dear lovely person, you are being so unheard by people with no understanding or sympathy for what you are going through. I had too many years suffering, crying, feeling useless and misunderstood just like you. And I imagine that you like me may have inherited your problems. I have depression and anxiety, my grandmother died by suicide in a mental hospital, her oldest girl also died in a mental hospital by suicide, her youngest was an emotional and nervous wreck. This was my dad’s mother but when I became 13, at puberty, I was hit with anxiety and depression. I spent many many years with anxiety, panic attacks, and deep depression. I began to hate people who told me “just think happy thoughts and you will be fine.” Does this sound at all like you? Now I am the grandmother and have been a calm peaceful person for 40 years (I am 83). Medication has changed my life. Please see a doctor (preferably a female) and tell him/her your problem. They will take tests to rule out physical problems and then probably try an anti-depressant. This problem is not your fault and you have no reason to feel embarrassed. Your body may simply be lacking in serotonin or another substance you are lacking. You were born this way, you did not cause it nor can you make it stop on your own. My daughter and two granddaughters also inherited mental disorders from me but are also on medication and are doing well. Please see a doctor, you did not have to spend your life suffering no matter what your grandmother believes. I am sorry your family is shaming you and not supportive. People use to think a mental disorder was something to be ashamed of, it is no different than any other inherited disease. When I was young any woman that was divorced was thought of as a bad person and was treated as though they had done something shameful, now we find this ridiculous. Speak up for yourself and tell whoever is responsible for paying your bills that you need to see a doctor. Best of luck, there are people who understand and care. If you cannot persuade your family that you need to seek help, speak to your teacher or a guidance counselor at school and let them know so they can help get you care.
Families do this all the time for many reasons. Sometimes they don’t want to acknowledge their behavior, are embarrassed to have others know who they are or have an irrational fear of medication. Other times it’s just selfish or they don’t want to see someone change and not put up with them. At the end of the day, though it’s not healthy behavior.
You are 100 percent right in wanting help and wanting to volunteer. I don’t know how old you are, but can you pursue volunteering without your families involvement? It is proven to help the volunteer to gain skills, contacts and self esteem! All while helping others!!!! Please, if you can afford it continue counseling. You sound very intelligent and strong. It’s the strongest people who recognize they need help.