How do I break the news to my parents – my dad especially that I am thinking about taking a even longer time to graduate university than what I had panned to before because I’m trying to increase my gpa for further education such as grad(masters)/professional(med/law) school.
I realize that this might sound silly to some people but my dad can be very difficult person to talk to without being judgmental and argumentative. It sometimes terrifies and scares me what the arguments can lead to with him. My anxiety skyrockets and it takes a physical toll on me.
I am already taking more time to graduate due to official mental health reasons that I’ve been diagnosed with (I took a significantly reduced course load etc). How do I tell him that I plan to extend graduating even more just cause I’m trying to get a better gpa. I honestly feel like such a loser already cause I’ll be in my mid 20s (26 – hopefully if everything goes according to plan) when I graduate from this undergrad degree and my dad’s judgment / harsh words of top of this sometimes makes it unbearable.
I think he’s more worried about that other people will say / think rather than me sometimes. Example when friends / relatives ask if I’m done my degree and he feels embarrassed to say that I am still not done yet. I’m really trying to get better health wise but I don’t think he knows the extent / difficulties of my mental health struggles cause I mask them as I’m afraid of judgement from the people closest to me (which has happened in the past unfortunately). I’m also financially dependent on my parents, which I am trying to change by getting a part time job while I study just to be more independent and try to have more authority over my life – as I think it would make it somewhat easier to talk to my dad about this. Unfortunately, I have not had any luck though I’m still going to continue to try. I do also get some financial grants to fund my academic education so it’s not my parents paying for everything all the time.
Anyway, how do I tell my dad I’m taking a longer time to graduate undergrad than what I already have taken in my current circumstances/family situation? I’d really appreciate any advice. Thank you!
(I’m sorry for the long post in advance. It’s a tricky situation to explain and I could really use some advice)
Comments
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect are enforced on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or “trolling” comments will be removed (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods’ discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to help and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP’s parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed for any reason at all, no exceptions.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Is your dad paying for your school/living expenses?
Not what you asked, though this is my opinion as a parent who’s also paying for my student’s college. If your parent is paying for your school, you don’t necessarily get to decide to take longer to graduate to boost your gpa on his dime. Have an adult convo about finances and be realistic. Then graduate and move on already if that’s what is needed. Who’s paying for your advanced degree in med / law, etc.? You may need to choose a different career track if mental health limitations are hindering your academic performance. Med / law school will be grueling and you’re struggling to complete your undergrad. You didn’t mention when you started undergrad— were you 18? It’s not that I don’t think that you’re capable of achieving a higher degree, though you’re not providing the financial funding, and it’s important to discuss this with the person who is providing it indefinitely? Bc right now there’s no end in sight. I don’t really think this is fair to your parent unless there’s an unlimited cash flow and no real concern about finances.
[deleted]
I’d come up with a specific plan and tell him that. Include finances. Also, give him an option by asking “how much would you be able to contribute”—he might be willing to still help out but not as much as before.
You mention you’re not in the US. Idk what grad school admissions looks like in your field and country, but could you graduate soon just to have a degree then try to boost your application with professional experience and/or an additional program? In the US there’s “post-bac” programs designed for people to boost GPA to improve their chances of getting into med school. I also know someone who got a Masters degree in part for that reason. And, for med school or science grad school a lot of people take a year or two after undergrad and boost their application by working in a research job or something similar. I’m sure law students also can boost their application by working. Some post grad degrees might not even look much at your GPA when applying if you have a degree and decent work experience for a few years—I think business schools can be like this.
Also you can consider part time school and part time work if your program allows, or even full time work with (less) part time school, especially if you find a job that isn’t during school hours or your school offers night classes.
How many more classes/semesters do you need to meet the graduation minimums? And how many more would you want to take? Also consider if it would be cheaper to get your degree as soon as possible then supplement with individual classes or a different post-grad program at a cheaper school. Additionally, you can look for any professional certificates that are applicable to your field and get those, which would help you get jobs related to your field and could support a grad school application.
I can’t tell if you’re being vague about what type of grad school you’re considering bc you don’t want to share too much on the internet or bc you don’t know what you want to do yourself. But I can say that while you don’t need to have your whole life planned out, if you’re a few credits short of a Bachelors degree you should at least have narrowed grad school considerations down to more specific than “law or med school”. Like I get “med school or pharmacy school or biology masters or biology PhD” being what you’re deciding on, but it’s super important to have narrowed it down before trying to go to grad school. Especially since that will help you determine which remaining classes to take or jobs to try to make your application for grad school good.
EDIT: @ R0ck3tSc13nc3 I think you should get off reddit for a while lol. Going further, understand to use common sense before you write something. Realize your entitlement is showing by automatically making assumptions about other people.
“Hey Dad. Thanks for financially supporting me for 26 years. I’m thinking of slowing down on my course load so my degree will take x amount longer, but part of that is because I’ve just got a job and will be supporting myself now. I hope you can accept this and be happy for me.”
Get a job in a hospital or a law office even if it is receptionist or overnight cleaner. That will give you opportunities to discover which direction you want your career to go, as well as the money to live on.