my parents are conservative immigrant religious parents. they love me. they weren’t the best parents and i rarely felt loved but i know they care for me and sacrificed a lot to raise me.
that being said, i have a lot of trauma from them and my extended family that they aren’t even aware of. i suffer from depression and anxiety and they have no idea. they love me as a son/child but they don’t know me as an individual. they don’t know my likes and dislikes or my goals or dreams.
they’re also very anxiously attached. my brother went no contact with them and they now call me multiple times a day and are begging me to move back in with them.
whenever i think of them, i don’t think i love them. i feel guilty but i feel much more at ease when i don’t speak to them or when i visit them. i feel like i could go months without ever seeing or talking to them. i feel responsible for them and that i need to support them and be there for them but not out of love but rather w feeling of paying them back.
Comments
Thank you u/littlecrier- for posting on r/AskParents. All post titles must be in the form of a question.
Posts that do not conform to the subreddit rules are subject to removal at the discretion of a moderator.
Remember to read the rules and report rule breaking posts.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
You don’t owe them anything. You did not ask to be born. They made choices and you are allowed to feel how you feel. Do what you need to do to feel safe. You might like @hijabilucious on Instagram. She may have some experiences that speak to you.
Not a parent, but a kid in a similar situation with one parent. I feel ya, I do. I’m at the point of I love my parents but I don’t trust them, they know fjck all about me, they don’t know I have friends, they don’t know anything about me really. But then I also go to the same conclusion every few months and I’m always surprised each time they are horrible to me all over again, when I realise parent doesn’t love me, they want a toy, something to recreate themseleves in & mess with and involve themseleves with. I felt guilty at first, but I’ve come to realise It’ll be an endless circle I’ll probably never truly know the answer to.
Not much of advice as there isn’t really none to give in my opinion, just thought I’d say you aren’t alone in your situation or how you feel. You may figure it out eventually, you may not, that’s life unfortunately and it can be a real Bitch.
Hope all goes well for you with your parents and in life OP. Hope you’re okay too as I can only imagine what must be going through your head to post something like this (it takes guts).
I think a lot of this is normal growing pains. I have religious parents and had several years where we just didn’t mesh because I chose a path that made them uncomfortable. It does get better. As you make your own way and get your own life you will worry less about what they think and learn to just ignore their judgment.