I created a year long plan to torture someone psychologically

So I know this sounds bad (And it is) but this person (Lets call him H) hurt me very badly in the past, shattered my self image, made in deeply insecure and no one in the community we were in really did anything about it at the time. So 2 years ago, I hit sort of a rut. I was doing a lot of things that were dangerous, I just did not care about myself anymore and for the first time in forever I decided to ask myself ,why?

I’ve been through a lot of trauma in my life, I’ve been raped and used by a lot of people ranging from family members to complete strangers. Throughout my life no one was really supporting or looking out for me. Even my parents when they found out about what had happened, blamed me and told me it was because I was a slut.

After being told that for so many years because of other people’s actions, I really started to believe it and didn’t have much self respect or care for myself for a very long time.

Now, this guy, H, he wasn’t a stranger. He was someone I’d known for a while, I used to be heavily fixated on him and thought he could do no wrong lol. When I told him about people who had raped me in the past, he also called me a slut and due to not having any self respect I let myself be treated like that in hopes he’d like me more. There’s a lot more stuff that happened between us that I wont get into because honestly it was such a nightmare.

So I decided to fuck with him, forever. I have made myself look insane doing this but honestly it’s been worth it. A gift that keeps on giving in a way. I do forgive him and he did apologise (I had to demand one tho) and I’m a lot more happy with myself and who I am.

It’s weird but it’s like doing this ridiculous, completely wackjob plan made me realise, I’m pretty resilient and I can actually accomplish anything I put my mind too! I don’t really have anyone to tell this too, as for the plan to have worked, I couldn’t really let anyone who knows both of us in on it (and I can’t be too specific on here just in case).Which means a lot of people who know me just think I’m nuts and weird (Tbf tho I can be 😭) but I’m surprised and pretty impressed with the results tbh. I doubt he will forget my name anytime soon. So all in all, revenge really is best served cold x