So it’s been awhile since I’ve had sex, or really any kind of romantic contact. When I say “awhile” I mean years. And when I say “years” I mean like 10. Now a lot of that is by choice, I don’t really go out, I don’t really have friends (just one that I would call a friend and not just an acquaintance), and I’m fine being a weird antisocial shut in…most of the time. But sometimes the loneliness really hits hard, and usually I can just wait it out, distract myself with a movie, show, or game. But for whatever reason a few weeks ago I just couldn’t shake it, it made me sad and moody and all those feelings. It finally got to the point that I just decided to do it, just hire a sex worker and try and get over this.
So I did. I got everything all set up, picked out a hotel, a date, etc. I got there early, I was nervous, like extremely nervous but I knew I needed something. Then the knock on the door came, I open it and this woman was gorgeous, honestly one of the most attractive women I had ever seen. Of course I had seen pictures before hand but they didn’t do any kind of justice to just how beautiful she was! She comes in, she can tell how nervous I am so she says how about we talk a little bit first. I start talking to her, and I don’t know what it was but I just start telling her my life story. We talk for a long time, but then she says if we’re going to have sex we need to get to it before we run out of time.
But for whatever reason I just couldn’t, I could bring myself to have sex with her. She was beautiful and willing and right there asking me for it, but I couldn’t do it. So I just ask her if it would be okay if we just kept talking. She was a little surprised but said whatever I wanted. So I laid my head in her lap and she rubbed my head and chest while we talked about all kinds of things. When time was up, she got up to leave and asked to make sure I didn’t want anything sexual before she left, I said no and then she was gone.
I don’t know why I couldn’t have sex with her. It was almost like she was too pretty, and kind, and warm, I just couldn’t do it. So anyway that’s my confession, I’m the guy that pays for a sex worker and doesn’t even have sex.
Comments
Eh…guess all that matters is you got what you needed from it even if it wasn’t sexual.
Maybe, you just needed a friend
Sent you a message.
This happens a lot more often than people think. Physical stimulation is enjoyable, but it’s intimacy that we crave; not just sex. No need to feel shame or any oddness from it.
You probably just needed some companionship more than anything, and there’s nothing wrong with that. You got exactly what you needed.
This is why I’ve seen articles about “professional cuddlers.” Even more introverted people need some closeness and intimacy, it might not need to be sex, but talking about yourself, or life, or feelings, which can be easier with someone you don’t think you’ll see again, and some cuddling for oxytocin. No shame there. You should not feel guilty for treating her like the lady she is.
One of the worst things is loneliness. We need the company of another person so much. We’re built to depend on others. But sometimes our past issues make us comfortable with solitude. Solitude is peaceful, but sometimes we need a change of scenery and find friends. Try finding a hobby and making new friends.
One of the worst things is loneliness. We need the company of another person so much. We’re built to depend on others. But sometimes our past issues make us comfortable with solitude. Solitude is peaceful, but sometimes we need a change of scenery and find friends. Try finding a hobby and making new friends.