My SIL had no idea that my mom had done this with me growing up, too. They were just talking one day, & somehow it came up. My mom cried listening to the story, & told my SIL she couldn’t imagine how a mother could do that, & that she would NEVER do anything like that.
How do I know about this? My mom was so worked up about this conversation, days later, that she told me about it. Which I think kind of further violates my SIL’s privacy, because SIL didn’t tell me, she told my mom- & in private. And in addition to that, my mom is not worked up for days because she feels guilty for doing that to me, now that she’s heard it from our perspective- she just can’t believe my SIL had to endure that, & is so heartbroken for her.
I’m also sad for my SIL, but my mom is having a pretty OTT reaction, for someone who absolutely would do something like that, because SHE DID DO IT.
She’s aggressively trying to seem like that’s not something she’d ever even think of, when she used to make me change in front of her almost every morning. The options were to change in front of her (facing her too- facing away was not an option), or not change at all, & get in trouble at school for wearing pajamas.
She also insisted on being in the bathroom when I showered, no matter how many times I told her to leave me alone in there. The shower was clear, the bathroom was small. If someone was in the bathroom, they might as well have been in the shower with you. If I locked the bathroom door, she’d just pick it, & yell at me for inconveniencing her. We had 2 other bathrooms she could have used! She didn’t need to be in there! She did it because she knew it bothered me, & I couldn’t stop her.
She’s acting like she’s genuinely hearing of concept of violating a child’s privacy, for the first time ever. I used to fight with her about my rights, versus hers, every single day, & she seems to have totally forgotten. I don’t buy it. She remembers, & she’s acting like this on purpose.
I’m not looking for some long overdue apology from her. But for fucks sake, at least don’t rub in the fact that you’re capable of having empathy for OTHER children- just not for me!
She’s always talked like that though, since I was small. She talked like other little girls are precious, & special, & exceptionally beautiful. She sounded jealous, like she felt ripped off that she got plain old me. So maybe she just feels like I deserved it.
I’m not trying to throw myself a pity party. I think I just need to be mad at my mom for a little while. Everyone always tells you to be appreciative of your mom, & how special mom’s are. And mine is great at looking like a wonderful mom, so me doing anything less than worshiping her with my gratitude, is seen as selfish, & I’ve been shamed by others for not showing my appreciation for her better.
She’s not all bad. But the bad parts are hidden well. In some ways she’s fought harder for me than anyone. But her being the safer parent, didn’t make her a safe parent.
It just felt wrong when she came to me with this, clearly upset, & just continuing to feel SO bad for someone who said they’re over it by now- but she had no interest in asking me about mine. You know, the childhood she actively contributed to? Yeah, she wasn’t interested in that one.
I felt like I was pretty much over what she did when I was a kid, too. But THIS whole thing, has me very bothered. Like oh good, I thought you were incapable of caring about someone one else’s privacy or desires. But you are capable! You just don’t care about mine. Got it.
I just need to get this out of my system before Mother’s Day…
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Maybe it’s time to speak up and say your truth
Why do you hold so much for her and stay silent to protect her.
Speak up for yourself. You deserve to be heard. You have a right to be heard.
I would personally call her out, as I have only recently found my voice with family members and find peace with myself after. Still a fairly new thing.
You should have called her out right there and told her it’s funny she’s so worked up bc SHE DID THAT TO YOU! Convenient she forgets.
Even if you try to call her out on it she will either deflect or outright deny it ever happened. I have a mother like this. I understand your frustration and you have every right to be upset. She will act like I’m crazy and say oh I never did that or that didn’t happen. I’ll say well why would I make that up and it turns into she’s the victim and I’m trying to make her look like a bad mother.
I’m sorry that your mother is a narcissistic cuckoo bunny. These are special kind of moms. Who tell so many lies. They actually believe them themselves. They will deny things happened. Because they cannot cope. Either because they were s***** parents. Or that was traumatic to watch their child go through. And they couldn’t cope.
Growing up with Mommy dearest. Watch the movie. Is bad enough. Mine tried to tell me that I never wore leg braces. When I was sick with spinal meningitis. To this day she will argue about it. Because her brain cannot cope with it. I grew up thinking I was unable to remember my childhood. But that wasn’t the case. It was because she kept rewriting. My history. It took asking close family members. Over and over again. Did I actually go through that. Yes you did. It was nice to be validated. But I know she. Will never accept reality. So calling her out on anything doesn’t do me any good. She will become vindictive and nasty. And I will pay for it.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I hope you have other people in your family that are normal and give you the love you deserve.
Did you call her out on her bullshit? I hope you did.
Also, its ok to skip mother’s day.
Your mom is definitely not normal at all. Forced nudity is child abuse. Your mom was abusing you. I wouldn’t want anything to do with her.
My mom loves to do this, just be like wow who wld ever throw heir kid out (she threw out my brother when he was 18 and another when they were 15 for two days)
PDF filia
It’s so weird isn’t it? Abusive people just can’t see what they’ve done. I have had similar experiences with my parents. My dad called a character in a movie a creep for back handing his daughter. He used to beat my brothers with wire hangers. I saw him strangle one of them until his face turned purple.
My mom cried about an episode of Dr Phil because a mother was allowing her daughter to be abused so that she could enjoy the life style her husband provided. Because my grandmother did the same. But so did my mom. She straight up told me that she didn’t do anything about my Dad’s abuse because she didn’t want to be poor. She also said that he owed her financial support for the rest of her life for the crap he put her through. It’s baffling!
I don’t understand it.
You do have a bad mom, what she did is sexual abuse.
I can’t wrap my mind around that because in my family we have always give each other privacy even when there were no doors. As a kid my mom and her siblings had a rod and an old bedsheet as a curtain in their rooms but her parents would knock on the wall and ask for permission to enter. (Kinda common in Mexico at least in that era because doors are expensive.)
I can’t believe you haven’t gone no contact with her!
Tell your SIL that your mom violated her privacy and that she used to do the same to you.
rainn.org
“I don’t know why you’re so upset when you did that to me for years”
I’m a little shit though so say so at your own risk. I have a feeling that if you did she’d refuse to admit it and call you a liar or she’d say it was different somehow.
Call her the fuck out, with your sister in law present. Show her your mother is also an abuser and a fucking lair. What she did to you was a sexual abuse, and I truly wish someone had been there to tell you if you’d told someone at your school about that shit, they’d have legally had to report it to the authorities.
Also on the note of mother’s day, fuck that, she doesn’t deserve shit from you
Eeeewwwwww! OP’s mom, that is so messed up on so many levels. That is a Burj Khalifa of messed up.