I recently got married and am planning on having kids with my husband in the next couple of years. I’ve seen what my mother has gone through (very overwhelmed) with having 4 kids and postpartum(i have a younger sister who is only 8 so i witnessed a lot), my sister was pretty miserable during her pregnancy w my nephew and postpartum. We have another friend in the group who had a miserable postpartum and just hearing the chitter chatter of how hard having a kid is scares me. It terrifies me and rubs me completely the wrong way. It just seems that everyone is miserable when it comes to children(i am not meaning this offensively). My husband is an angel and I know I would love to have little babies that are like him. But It just seems so not fun(just from what I hear and see). Will this feeling ever change?
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Giving birth is insane. It changes you physically and mentally. Raisin kids is equally hard and rewarding. Everything changes with kids. It’s not all bad, but it’s not all sunshine and butterfly farts either. Today I cleaned puke out of the car seat twice. Since the kid, I’ve been awake at 7am at the latest. Every. Day. I am NOT a morning person. There are rarely days off as a parent. I wouldn’t trade it for anything less than 5 million dollars. If someone offered me 5 mil to give up the kid I’d hear them out. I’d miss the hugs tho.
I’m one of those parents who hate childcare, but love my kids. Having kids is tough on all fronts: energy, your youth, money, marriage etc. However, it is so rewarding and I love my kids to bits. Just watching them grow up and getting a second chance in the world through their eyes since I am giving my kids everything my impoverished parents couldn’t give me. It’s their younger years that are so tough. I have zero regrets about having them.
i didnt like children before i had them. I still dont like other people’s children unless they’re my familiy’s kids or my friend’s kids. Dont know why. If I had a redo, i would have these kids every single time except the things I would change are:
1) The partner I had them with. When we were dating and married before i had my kids, everythign was very equitable. He did houseduties and chores and everything. He actively participated. For some reason after kids, he was still good about helping but he was not good at not being in complete control and not good at compromise and not good at resolving conflict in a healthy way. He couldnt feed the marriage in any way.
2) I would have been way more financially secure before having them. I am pretty well off by average standards but even then I feel the pinch. That tells you how much harder it is for people who make less. If its stressful for me, its insane for others and life/death for even more.
3) You never have off days. I am a night owl. My kids are both up at 6am. i have not slept in past 6am in 7 years. Now, when i need a break, I literally let them watch cartoons in the morning on saturdays so I can sleep for another hour on the couch before i have to make breakfast. When you’re sick, you dont get to rest. the work doesn’t go away. There is no torture worse than having the flu and taking care of two kids who have the flu. (or covid)
4) There is no drug, no hobby, no man, no love I have experienced that is better than the moments I have had with my children. It has brought beauty and meaning to my life in a profound way. But it like a career as a surgeon – huge sacrifices for the reward of saving a life. parenthood is that – huge sacrifices for the reward of raising a life.
What feeling? That it’s hard?
That’s not really going to change. It really is hard. But what makes it hard changes overtime.
Newborn phase is not getting enough sleep. Preschool stage is worrying about whether they’re ready for school.
I assume by the time they’re at school, you then worry about their academic, their well-being, if they’re making friends etc. etc
And if our own parents are any indication, when your kids are adults, you worry about their overall well-being.
Though I will say, by and large, it gets easier overtime.
It’s hard but at the same tine, you still feel it’s worth it provided you wanted kids in the first place.
Raising kids isn’t "fun". It’s a job you do 24/7/365 without getting a paycheck. Your pay is whatever you’re able to get from the experience.
I love my daughter. I wouldn’t change the past and not have had her. But people need to be prepared what they’re getting into. The work. The stress on the marriage. The loss of your old identity.