I hate the child, I hate my ex, I hate that child’s mother. I hate all of them. Yet every time my child grows out of her clothes I set them aside for the creature her dad created while we were still married. It’s birthday came around I got it a present, I guess part of me feels guilty because I know it’s parents, it won’t ever have a good life it’s parents are both deadbeats neither of them have a job. I don’t want the thing anywhere near me, I don’t want it around my children. I don’t care to ever have a relationship with it and if my children decide to have a relationship with it I don’t want it around me still. Maybe I’m hateful and a terrible person. I can not stand to see pictures of it know about its life nothing but every time I hear that it’s parents don’t have enough food for it I’m at the store making sure it has what it needs. That’s the true off my chest, I wish the creature and it’s parents would disappear forever and I would never have to hear their names again or see their stupid faces but I am an idiot who still helps the thing.
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Your issues are with your ex and his ap. This child has no idea what happened.
It’s not the kids fault. The way you describe the kid as it and thing is gross and immature.
You being hurt is understandable but that child didn’t ask to be here. He or she not it is innocent.
You care about the child to a certain extent, especially if you’re providing food, clothes etc. I think you resent the fact that they made a child from your husband’s infidelity and somehow you got roped into helping this child they produced. You have a right to feel what you feel, but the child is not to blame. Maybe you need to seek therapy.
It’s not the child’s fault. Your anger, although understandable, is misguided. Your true anger is against your husband and his AP, the child is just a representation of their fuck up. Please seek some sort of therapy to help yourself better navigate this and decided whether or not you want to continue with your marriage.
I understand the “the child is innocent comments” but I’m just confused how you end up taking care of your ex’s partner’s infant. I understand the anger. Did the court/the law say you have to do this? Do they have majority custody of the child? Why does the child visit you? There are step siblings that don’t live with each other so I’m confused why it has to be this way. I don’t see why it can’t be that your kids stay with their dad but when it’s your time with the kids, it’s just your kids. I would attempt to change the set-up before the child grows too old for it be fair for any of the kids to change the set up. if you want this to change you have to address this before it amounts to telling a 8 year old you’re not their mother.
That’s a lot of ill will. Most of it is completely understandable.
I’m not saying you should love the kid, like the kid, or even interact with the kid. But the kid is a human, not an “it”. And, unfortunately, your kid’s half sibling.
You’re doing some good – albeit unwillingly – by supplying the child with some basic necessities and even gifts. Keep doing that.
But please try to see the child as a child – not some monster out to harm you in any way. None of this is their fault. The hatred will rot you from the inside out. Please don’t do that to yourself. Maybe get a therapist to vent to and help you cope. I wish happiness for you. Be well.
Please. Stop calling the poor child ‘ it’. They’re a boy or girl. Not an it, or creature.
I get you’re hurt. But taking out that hurt on a child is disgusting. You’re angry at the wrong person.
There is nothing wrong with helping an infant. No matter how it came to be. A part of you seems to know its not its fault but the hate is just taking up everything. The hate for the parents is so strong that its branching out to the kid as a byproduct.
You arent a bad person, just sounds like you’re extremely hurt.
Im wishing you a good recovery and i hope you dont gotta deal with your ex and the infant gets taken to a better life somehow.
My hot take is you shouldn’t be allowed to be in the life of a child you call “it”, especially not in a caregiver role. It makes me worried for the child’s health and safety. You need to seek therapy for everyone’s sake.
It is OK that you do not like this child. What is not OK is that you refuse to acknowledge the child’s humanity. They are a person, not an it. They did not choose to be born into this situation. It sounds like you are supportive, and that is very kind of you, but please don’t take your frustrations out on the kid.
Ffs. Get some damn therapy. You referring to the innocent child as a thing or an it is hateful and cruel. I get you’re still angry and hurt and you have every right to feel this way but you don’t have the right to be so spiteful towards the child. I get you hate being put into this position but your attitude towards an innocent is beyond horrific. Get help. Seriously.
I can try and understand that your anger is stemming from your ex cheating on you, but that child has nothing to do with that. You are directing your hatred towards the wrong person here. Did it ever occur to you that your unresolved anger can become toxic and impact how your kids will treat that child? If you don’t want to be around them, that’s understandable but referring to the innocent child as ‘it’ and ‘thing’ is unfair and very wrong.
Maybe I’m an enabler here but I’d have CPS take the kid if they’re both deadbeats. Yeah I know the kid is innocent but you still have zero obligation to love it or even care for it and the fact that they just dumped it on you is beyond shitty.
Call cps on them for neglect
This is normal, you are human. Having this hatred is also normal, but it hurts you too, if possible, be indifferent, but don’t have hatred. The is the hedgehog that you will hurt with your hand and come back hurt too.
You can’t possibly be a hateful or terrible person. Look what you’re doing for this child. You’re obviously a kind and loving person. You just hurt and it’s manifesting itself as anger.
I don’t condone affairs, but if this level of hatred comes out against you for an innocent child, I am not shocked he stepped out? Because Jesus Christ.
& I’ve seen a lot! I am a divorce attorney.
You are hurt but the infant didn’t choose to have his/her shitty parents. Please seek help. Your kids will resent you if they decide to have a relationship with their sibling and you’re walking around hating their sibling *and* letting them know you hate their sibling.
You should really distance yourself completely from this child. Their kid is their responsibility, the child doesn’t deserve your vitriol. You’re mad at your ex and the shitty situation he created, there’s no reason for you to be involved with or have opinions on the affair child.
You say you’re “helping” but honestly it would probably be better for all of you if you stepped back entirely.
If the infant is in danger, call protective services and let the system handle it.
Why do you call the child an “it”? I get you not liking them I don’t blame you but the “it” part rubs me the wrong way.
I have sympathy for you suffering from the affair but no more than that. This child hasn’t done a damn thing to you to warrant this vitriol from you, you wanna direct your anger somewhere fine, but leave them out of it, and calling your daughter’s sibling “it” is beyond cruel and unnecessary. If you can’t act like an adult for your own sake do it for your daughter, unless you think your own emotions towards that child matter more than that of their sister. Sorry if this seems blunt and sorry your ex did this but when it comes to your relationship with your daughter’s sibling, they’re the undeserving victim, not you. Your current attitude is unhealthy and you know this, but if you don’t rectify it then you’re doing that child as much of a disservice as their parents are.
The affair child is a person, not an it or a thing. Don’t be cruel to the baby because some adults fucked up.
What in the Flowers in the Attic bs is this?
Hate is justified for the adults, but a child is innocent. Being this hate-filled is just hurting you, now, but eventually it will hurt your children.
Edited to add – I wonder if this is how that step-mother justified abusing, neglecting & torturing her stepson for decades until he caught the home on fire to escape.
Honestly I’d stop buying things for the baby and report to CPS. This is simply not your problem.
Damn, I feel bad for the kid because he/she has shitty parents but also shitty people around him/her.
Literally an innocent baby. You dehumanizing the child says alot about you.
Call cps. And treat people better. Despite your situation. Jfc
To be fair, she’s still willing to take care and help that baby because in the end of the day she knows her ex and her ex AP won’t take care of that baby properly so I can’t even be mad. Yeah the child is innocent but she’s doing what she can to not let her anger bleed through too much
You are doing a hell of a lot more than I would. Because wouldn’t spend a dime of my money on that child. You are a good person. I’m proud of you.
You don’t sound like a terrible person, but get help. Your hate is only hurting you. Stop hanging on to the bullshit. They deserve each other, and you deserve so much better!
You remind me of my momma, and OP I’m so sorry you’re struggling so heavy today.
My dad had an affair that resulted in my older half sister. My mom raised my half sister, helped her take her first steps, carried her on her hip, changed her diapers, bought her Christmas gifts.. and the entire time she felt a quiet resentment. My mom shared recently that she would pray every night for forgiveness because she hated my half sister and her mother. She would pray that God would bless them, give them a long life and peace, and then she’d pray for forgiveness for not meaning it. She told me over time she truly found peace with it all, but that it was the hardest thing she’d ever gone through.
Thank you for sharing what was on your heart
Your hate is misplaced. You don’t have to provide for them, but if you have to maintain a relationship with your ex, you do have to give the kid the same level of respect as if they were a random stranger.
Ma’am.
Stop having involvement with that child. U are furthering this pain on to yourself for what?
Limit contact with all of them. Except your child’s father as necessary or required by law. Stop getting gifts, setting aside clothes. Everything.
Set ur boundaries and live life.
Therapy my dear
“It”
Honey, that kid didn’t ask for shit parents any more than you went looking for a shit husband. The blameless ones here are you and the kids, your kid’s half-sib. And you’re the only innocent adult.
Please be the one decent person here and stop calling that small person “it”.
I get you completely. But good people have good hearts that can’t let the innocent child suffer. Op, your children see what you do. Good for you.
The child did nothing to you. Place all that anger on the adults. You are kind to the child because deep in your heart you know the child is blameless and kindness costs nothing. Your kids learn from your example
I am honestly surprised at how much care you are showing the child. I know you hate the situation and I can tell… (Your use of the word it to describe the child makes me twitch). I am amazed. I think that says a lot about you.
I don’t know what to tell you but I think you need to put up boundaries and do what is best for your mental health. Please do some self care.
I’m sorry… “creature”.. “it”..?! Why are you dehumanizing a CHILD that’s done nothing wrong?! I get the situation sucks and you got hurt, but you do NOT treat a CHILD like that! You need some therapy
At the end of the day, it’s not your responsibility to step up for this child. You should disengage from this situation, so you can allow yourself to heal.
Lots of people here coming to defend a kid who is never going to read this. Insisting you stop calling the kid “it” is tone-deaf – you’re angry and you deserve to be. Just call CPS and be done with it. Keeping yourself financially attached to this situation is going to prevent you from healing.
You care because it’s a child. Not because of who it belongs too. Because it’s a child. That makes you human. There’s nothing wrong with that.
But it’s not your responsibility. Call cps.
So leave. No one’s forcing you to be there. If you don’t like the child, you don’t like the child. Who cares? Stop feeling bad, it’s not your problem unless you continue to make it your problem.
You resent your husband and the child is a constant reminder of that. You care enough to make sure they have food and clothing, you’re not a terrible person. You’re actually doing much more than most in your situation. You’ve got this
OP may be calling the child “It”, but somehow they’re the only one taking care of the baby.
OP doesn’t sound horrible. OP doesn’t sound disturbed. OP sounds like they’ve been through a lot. You deserve to be free of this stress. If reporting doesn’t do anything, you should consider moving away. (but keep reporting, for as long as it takes)
After reading all your comments, I can tell you really care for this child. You hate that she was the catalyst for your marriage breakdown, but the only people to blame are the adults. The poor thing is cursed with shit parents and you might be the only one who truly cares. Put all your hate and vitriol on your ex, and give that poor kid a big hug. She needs at least one person on her side.
It isnt an it. This child is not a concept and you seem to be too caring of a person for me to believe you’re doing anything but convincing yourself you shouldn’t care.
You don’t have to care, you don’t have to pity them, and you shouldn’t have to feel obligated to help out of pity.
Either care or don’t, you can’t have both. Either way you’re going to have to work through these feelings or else your disgust will poison your kids as well.
Why call the ex-husband “he” and the child “it” instead of “they”? may help you feel less resentful of the baby (and less burdened as you clearly seem to want to help) if the anger is all aimed at the ex instead of baby. Dehumanize him instead – not that that’s great either but he deserves it more than baby
The “it” none sense is so immature, be in you’re feelings, they are very valid and I get that, I had an ex that had a baby while we were together so I’m familiar with the feeling. But the child did nothing to you, stop speaking as if they were the one that put that pain in your heart. The mother and father them, so save the venom for them.
It’s nice that you care, and think of the kid especially with the hand-me-downs. But you also do not have to, you’re under no obligation. If you’re going to see the child in that light, it’s better you give them nothing, instead of giving them old clothes washed in resentment.
I think you’re misplacing your anger and frustration. Who you really hate is your ex husband/boyfriend and what he did to your marriage/relationship. It’s not the kids fault that they are assholes and pieces of shit. To place all of this anger and frustration on the child is a complete misdirection. Clearly you don’t hate the child or you wouldn’t save clothes for them, buy gifts, get things for them that they need.
I can understand the disgust you feel with this situation but why aren’t you contacting CPS on these two deadbeats? Tell them that you have to provide for the child because they are unwilling and unable to. How is this acceptable for a parent to neglect their children with no consequences? Call them today and tell them you are not going to pay for a child who is not yours and it will no longer be your responsibility.
I know this will probably get downvoted, but it needs to be said: if you’re referring to an innocent child like they’re a discarded animal, just because you’re bitter about being cheated on, that’s deeply concerning. Honestly, that kind of bitterness would push anyone away — maybe even justify why someone cheated in the first place.
This goes beyond just being upset; it sounds like unresolved trauma from childhood. Yeah, it’s good you’re feeding the child, but if your feelings toward them are that intense and negative, therapy is absolutely necessary.
Speaking as someone who grew up in the foster care system, I’ve met people with this mindset before — and they ended up causing more harm than good. Honestly, if that’s the energy you’re bringing, I’d rather go hungry than be fed by someone who sees me as a burden. Really disappointed by this post.
At first I hated you, but after reading it twice, i understand how this destroyed every tiny piece of you. You still hand-down clothes and that says an absolute lot about the person inside you that you want to get back. I’m so sorry this happened.
I’m sorry but I have no sympathy for you. I can’t sympathize with people who hate children. You need to change your mindset if you can extend hate to a literal child! Disgusting.
I just feel bad for that poor kid surrounded by three adults who hate them for no reason. It’s so sad.
Such a tragic assortment of events where you claim to hate this child, yet you provide for them more than their own parents. I feel sorry for you and this kid.
I think you are absolutely entitled to just close your mind and your heart to this kid, but isn’t says way more about what kind of person you are that you haven’t closed the helpful support you’ve been offering and likely will continue to provide for them.
Maybe you don’t even hate them, just that anger is a cloud that seeps into every element of life and makes it as hard to breathe as it is to see.
Whatever you do going forward, every supply drop was a kindness. When that cloud of anger eventually lightens or dissipates, you can look back on these acts of kindness and know that in every way there is to measure, you are better than your ex and the child’s mother.
Perhaps someday you will look at this child as something of a gift that cut that cancer that is your ex out of your life. Perhaps not. But I hope what you have done helps you sleep better at night, and that you find kindness from others.
First of all, stop referring to the child as “it”. Your words shape your thoughts just as much as the inverse.
Second, if you feel resentful, stop helping the affair child. You’re under no legal or moral obligation to do so.
Imagine trying to paint yourself as some saintly savior and the only one who cares for this child, while at the same time actively going out of your way to dehumanized said child and treat them as something unworthy of being referred to as anything other than “it” and “creature”.
You’re not the martyr you want people to think you are. You’re a vile, disgusting person who is punishing a child for the actions of their parents. And the truly ironic thing is, as much as you trash them, they’re being better parents than you are right now because they’re not the ones treating a child horribly and wishing it would “disappear”.
When you decide to call CPS on them, make sure you call on yourself too because they’d have an absolute field day with this post and would have some serious concerns about your mental state and whether or not you’re fit to be responsible for caring for a child right now.
I can’t get past the sentence where you call an innocent child a creature or an it. Downvote all you’d like. You are so wrong.
That’s an innocent child. Dehumanizing a literal baby is weird as fuck OP. Hate your ex husband and the affair partner and the affair, but leave the innocent child who didn’t ask to be here out of it. Get a hold of yourself fr.
Please don’t dehumanise a living breathing child who from your description is already suffering a lot due to losing the birth lottery. The child is not a creature and is not “it” she or she is an innocent victim just like you but while you get sympathy from others, he or she gets the pleasure of feeling hate and contempt from the adults around them simply for existing. If your own children have to interact with this child, then I’m sure they reflect your attitude in their treatment of their half sibling. Please get therapy you’re hurting yourself if you keep going like this.
Imagine if someone called your child “it” or “thing” or “creature”. You desperately need therapy.
Saying it makes you feel better and that’s super gross. You can hate a kid without dehumanizing them.
At the end of the day, I think the compassion that you’re showing for the child that has no choice in this matter to be here is commendable. There’s probably a small part of you that understands that a child should have some basic necessities. But you are also entitled to your feelings.
Wtf did the kid do?? That kid isn’t the person who cheated on you. They’re completely innocent in this. I applaud you for taking care of a child that is not your responsibility, but perhaps you should stop if it’s causing you so much resentment.
I didn’t realize that doormats could type.
You are resentful probably because you are still allowing yourself to be played by him. Next message that comes through saying the child has no clothes? Reply with “Maybe buy some, then.” Hold firm. Don’t waver with this. Then, if you get to the point where you’re fully in control of your emotions and at peace, you can feel free to do whatever you want in the future. They can fight for their child’s upbringing if they want to, but they won’t as long as they can skive off you. Best wishes. Sorry for your current situation.
The child is not their parents and you can’t punish the child for their parents mistakes. Want revenge? Be a better parent to that child than they are.
Omg I get that these adults betrayed you but stop dehumanizing this child wtf. “Creature” “Thing” “It” grow the fuck up and get into therapy.
Sounds like a healthy reaction. I would maybe cut ties as it’s emotionally distressing you. It’s not your job to look after the kid (your choice if you can without being distressed).
Their dad (your ex) will need to step up if you step away.
Protect your peace.
You need to stop. Stop buying them things, and focus on healing. I feel for you.
Why do you feel responsible for the child? Who is saying they don’t have food, diapers etc.? Stop supporting them. It’s not your job.
Jesus Fuckin Christ, what is it with all the recent posts asking for validation for hating affair babies?
For what it’s worth, we know we are hated. I hope that partially validates you.
But if a man says it it’s understandable, double standards everyone
No for real though you’re completely valid in feeling that way and I’m so sorry that it happened to you. I would not have anything to do with that.
I mean you don’t have to do anything for the child though, it’s not yours. You literally don’t have to even see the child. I would text them to take care of it themselves. They made it. They choose to keep it. They deal with the consequences.
It’s a little odd to hear you dehumanizing a child as “it” and a “creature” instead of the adults who actually harmed you.
You have turned this child into a symbol of your pain, and I imagine it’s in everyone’s best interest including yours for you to stop doing that.
Bro block your ex or whoever the hell is updating you about the kiddo. Why is it your responsibility? Yea sure it’s nice that you are doing that, if we ignore you dehumanizing someone who didn’t do anything wrong. But, seriously, why are you getting updates about whatever kid needs? Why do you need to do this? Why didn’t you ever block them? Since when did they think it was okay to get you involved? There needs to be more shame in this world. The grandparents should help, the parents should get their shit together, you giving then everything they need is enabling their behavior, they will learn (hopefully or the kid will need to be put in a orphanage) if they know there is no one else to help them, you giving them all that stuff just make them care even less to provide.
Im so sorry, love. ((Hugs)) You’re doing the best you can, for your kids.
You’re allowed to feel. Even the ugly feelings.
You’re not terrible at all. You seem to have some care about the wellbeing of a child you have every right to despise, that didn’t ask to be born into this situation. Regardless. You don’t owe the kid anything. It’s not yours, you didn’t make it. What an awful thing to have happened to you, but you seem to have a better head on your shoulders than the other adults in the situation. Don’t let anyone convince you that you’re the bad guy. You seem far from it.
Okay. I genuinely don’t want to be the a**hole.
But, did you do something or didn’t do something to contribute to this disastrous situation????
If you were a loving, caring person I get it. And I am on your side.
But if not, if you were neglecting or a PITA, then you gotta partially own this.
Also, please be the better person and refer to the child as him or her. They are not at fault
I see a lot of comments being harsh about you calling the child an IT.
I’m pretty sure the child doesn’t care how you’re referring to them considering you’re providing food, clothing etc.
You’re a bigger person than I am.
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Hey OP,
You’re a REALLY good person. It takes the biggest fucking heart to have so much compassion for a child you have ZERO responsibility for in any way and have so many valid reasons for wanting nothing to do with, and still stepping up and providing the basic needs the way you do.
You don’t need to love this child, you certainly don’t need to love the parents of the child. But you’re doing the most compassionate, biggest thing by providing the basic needs the way you do.
You’re not an idiot, you’re a compassionate human being who looks at your own child and realizes on some deep down level that no matter what, you could never let a child you could help in such a small but vital way suffer just because their parents are absolute scum. You’re doing this for your own wellbeing as much as your own.
Look at it this way, forget your ex and the circumstances around this child… you’re doing this because it’s the right thing for YOU to do for your own heart. You’re teaching your child that supporting other human beings in need can be done compassionately without taking on the burden of everything those other human beings need. You hear the basic needs and you provide them without getting involved any further. As long as you’re not taking resources away from your own kids, or harming your financial wellbeing, then what you’re doing is NOT stupid and your personal feelings do not make you a bad person… you’re in fact a good person doing a breathtakingly good thing the healthiest way you can do it, and that’s fucking awesome.
You don’t need to love this child, you don’t need to have a relationship with them, your kids don’t need to either and your boundary of “if they want to when they’re old enough to make a decision like that, I don’t want to be involved” is perfectly fine also. You’re doing more than most would in your position, and don’t let any holier-than-thou in the comments here make you believe otherwise.
I would recommend that instead of allowing the (justified) resentments you feel eat at you, you find a way to do this that gives you good feelings. Focus on the humanitarian side, you’re not helping your ex’s affair child, you’re helping a child. You’re not an idiot, you’re teaching your own children valuable lessons on empathy and community care within healthy boundaries. Find a way to turn the resentments you have into compassion so that the resentments don’t poison you.
Resentment turns to hate, and hate is a horrible thing to live with, it does very real damage to your mental and even physical health. So work on detaching the needs of this child from the history around it, as much as you can. You do not need to do more for the child or have a relationship with it etc. But if you cannot live with the knowledge that a child is going without, and you’re doing what you can, then at least find a way to shift your perspective so you can do this in a way that makes you feel good instead of so angry.
You deserve better, even from yourself.
And if you ever cannot provide the basics for this child, it is OK to just not do it. Give what you can, not what takes from you and your real family.
Therapy. The child is innocent and not the one who should receive your wraith. Dehumanizing language is dangerous because it rationalizes committing inhumane actions.
there are free resources like 7cupps to help start your journey.
Call CPS if what you’ve said in comments is true. Either way that kid has no one on their side anyway so at minimum CPS might actually be a gift.
“it” “that creature” “that thing” such a horrible way to talk about a human being that did nothing wrong except for exist. get help please.
Grow a back bone. Resentful kindness is not kindness. It doesn’t make you a good person. Being a martyr doesn’t make you a good person. It just makes you resentful. Instead of trying to cater to others, honour yourself, decide your boundaries and then live your life. They disrespect you because you allow it. Honour yourself and move on.
Not to be mean…stop calling the child “it” but still giving her presents and hand-me-downs. You’re talking out of both sides of your mouth. Pick a damn side.
You may utterly hate that child’s very existence, but it shows a lot about the depth of your humanity, empathy, and sense of fair play that you still provide what they need. I hope you feel better getting it off your chest, and thanks for doing what you do. Anger aside, you’re fundamentally a good person.
You need therapy. It’s understandable that you are furious with her parents but refering to the innocent baby as an “it” and a “creature” etc. is really disgusting. Don’t dehumanize an innocent little kid. Aim your anger where it’s deserved. The kid didn’t choose to be conceived.
That sucks.
It’s obviously much easier said than done, but do please try and remember that the kid is just as much of a victim in this situation as you are.
Um… Maybe don’t hate kids for existing?
I don’t really think you hate the child, but you hate how the child came about and how it tore apart your family. I think it’s easier to put hate on a person over a situation. You really do hate your ex and his new partner that he cheated on you with, which is completely reasonable.The baby is just an extension of that, but not really where your hate lies.
Thanks for getting it off your chest. I hope one day you let your anger go for the innocent child, for they didn’t ask to be born. Even though you give the child your child’s clothing, are you doing it out kindness from your heart or what reason? I hope you find the true gift of giving from the heart and release your anger. Love and hugs
Get some therapy, the child is not to blame. And talking about a child in that way is disgusting. You can be angry at the childs parents, but taking your anger on a child that is just as innocent as you are is ugly, evil, and quite frankly gross. And deep down I think you know this because if you did not you would not do what you are doing to take care of the childs needs. Again OP get some therapy.
The kid doesn’t even sound like what you hate. You hate the reason the kid exists in the first place. You hate your ex for cheating, and the mother for cheating with him. You hate that this is even a thing in your life that you have to think about, but with everything you do for the child itself it doesn’t sound to me like you hate it. I think you want to hate this kid so much you tell yourself that you do, but the reality is you don’t sound like the child is the thing you hate.
OP. You need therapy to process all of this.
Hello mother
It sounds like you actually care about the child and the fact that it is your child’s sibling and not just your ex-husband’s child, you are in someway connected to it then just a random child on the street, hence your need help and the guilt if you were to not do these things.
We’re you wanting another child? It feels like you are also mourning the sibling relationship your children could have had together and instead have this horrible mess of your child’s sibling being with two horrible parents.
In the end, it sounds like you are way better off without that deadbeat hanging around you being a husband and are doing amazing at keeping the coparenting alive for the sake of your own child.
Just keep things small, a couple of hand me downs here and there, a tiny birthday and Christmas gift if your child is also seeing them during that time frame. I think you need to stop with the food though as that is up to the parents, they can get food from charities etc.
Wow, Not only are you a good person, but your ex revealed himself by this act. Just do that be yourself and keep moving forward.
You’re human and we are a combination of both good and bad, you have every right to feel the way you feel. At least you’re a decent enough human being to know that the child has needs, and it isn’t the child’s fault that it was born into this terrible situation.
You’re doing the best you can and no one can fault you for that.
Your struggle is a very human one .