Overly apologetic. Struggle with eye contact. Exaggerated “high energy” responses when you approach them. (Dead face until they have to respond it lights up bc they are afraid of how they’re being perceived/anxious.)
overly polite .
People pleaser.
Alot man. I hope everyone is doing well.
It’s honestly on it’s own spectrum, they’ll either be really quiet, not attempting to cause a scene or any drama, anxious and flinching when you do/say certain things (like slamming a door for example) or they’ll be the most self-dependant but pushes people away because they don’t wanna hurt them type of person.
No boundaries, let’s everyone walk all over. No expressing any needs, too afraid to say a word. Tolerates abuse of any kind. Afraid to stand up for self, afraid to hold eye contact as it’s all about conflict (and punishment). Absent minded, zoned out, dissociated. Dead eyes, gazing into near distance, but no focus, searching that what’s not there. Flinches if touched suddenly. No hugging, avoids physical contact. Gaze down as constantly fighting with collapsing within and trying hard to keep it all together. Being present physically but not mentally. Not claiming their space, let be pushed over, thrown under the bus over and over. …. (I’m tired of just writing this, ugh.)
Idk what it is but I know them automatically. I’m fairly good at making friends with people that have had the worst childhoods. I feel safe around them I guess. They don’t have this confidence around the world like they’re player one in a video game
The way they react to minor stress or conflict can be a big sign. If they get unusually defensive or shut down quickly, it might suggest they’re carrying something deeper. Sometimes it’s in how they avoid opening up or trusting others.
We wince a lot. We can be very quiet and unobtrusive.. never looking to draw any attention. People pleasing. Hyper-independence. Setting no expectations so you will not be disappointed.
I am 36 and I still flinch when someone close to me just raises their hand to touch their face or reach for something. I am overly nice to other people because I just want everyone to be happy. I relate to chandler from friends a lot because I joke about everything to try and make the people around me laugh.
Wait. What? I have severe PTSD. Not so happy life. But I’m not skittish. I don’t have great relationships with the opposite sex. I don’t trust easily. Once you break my trust, I’m out. I have weird idiosyncracies. I’m an introvert, but don’t back down when challenged. I’m also Gen X. Yes, I apologize too much. That’s true. But I don’t shrink back and bite my nails. You’d never know any of this from the outside.
So, for immediacy: say you’ve just met someone or barely know them. Usually the most near holiday comes up as a topic of discussion and you can tell immediately. It’s not about who is going to be with family and who isn’t: it’s just on their faces and in their voices, even body language, whether they wish they were seeing their parents or not, and how fraught they’re feeling.
It’s not this tell = abuse. A terminal or degenerative illness, a sibling living at home with their parent/s who has personality or substance problems, the strain of late parental divorce can also be reasons. But it could be abuse too. It’s an early indicator to tread lightly around the topic.
Hyper independence is supposedly a feature of childhood trauma.
It was for me. Also, you know, the resulting borderline personality disorder that makes me push people away because I think they’re going to hate me anyway. I am 37 and just now in a stable relationship and that took a lot of therapy and finding a very empathetic, patient man.
Damn I struggle a lot with all of the top comments. I’ve always known that my childhood was traumatic but have tried to sweep it under the carpet my whole adult life. Every now and then something like this will pop up and remind me that I probably need to address these deep rooted issues from the past
Everyone makes good points but quiet walking. I walk like a ghost and scare the shit out of everyone i come up to. Also a people pleaser and overly apologize, of course 😅
Constantly picking bad partners. Allowing abuse and going back to it. A lot of different baby mamas or baby daddies. Drug and or alcohol abuse. Addiction issues, Over eating or under eating. Overly frugal or over spending. There’s a lot.
When they see that you are upset or aggravated, instead of addressing or ignoring it they go into this pleaser mode. Like a kid who’s trying to deal with an unstable parent by being extra nice and cheerful and trying to not rock the boat.
The way their shoulders are slumped. They way look with a shifty eye hoping nobody notices them. Usually their hair is down as it’s easier to grab a full ponytail.
They apologise sometimes for just making eye contact.
Anger. Anger is fear’s bodyguard, so I suspect there’s a lot of fear buried deep.
Over explaining. Going into detail about why they made a decision or did something, making it even hard to follow along with the whole explanation.
Inability to laugh, questioning every move, unable to have fun, dissatisfaction with everything about their self; probably thinking the trauma was their fault and not understanding why.
Backing into a corner, cowardly like a cat, when they’re yelled at or corrected. Like a large degree of fear in response to people getting frustrated or angry with them
I flinch every time someone raises their arm around my peripheral vision, it’s so embarrassing trying to come up with an excuse as to why I reacted as if they were going to hit me in the face. 🙁
There is a difference between experiencing negative moments and having mixed experiences. A trauma (significantly negative issues) is usually the below:
Reduced level of empathy and sympathy for others
Prone to manipulation to get their needs
Pathological lying
Normalizing aggression and physical violence at perceived slights
Outward hatred towards animals
Quick expression changes from moments of fake smiling to anger/seriousness
Casually admits to using people as tools to get what they want
Has a long documented history of poor relationships with others
Flat eyes
Has a sense of humor that makes most people uncomfortable
Gets personal joy (i.e., slight smiling when recounting others pain) out of seeing enemies or friends suffering
Lack of shame and personal boundaries
Attempts to make you jealous and gets upset when you aren’t
Normalizes abusive and conflict-prone relationships as normal and fun
Obsessive tendencies
Extensive criminal history
Frequent bouts of engaging in infidelity, or excusing it
Cries continuously when having to discuss any difficult topics
You can often notice it in how they react to stress or conflict. If they tend to shut down, overreact, or avoid certain topics, it might be a sign they’ve experienced something tough. It’s not always obvious, though; some people hide it really well
Even small arguments or disagreements make them go stone face and silent. Growing up I knew if I talked back, even if I was in the right, I’d get popped in the mouth.
Teeth. It’s one of the key signs you can notice if someone had a traumatic childhood. Endodontics and Dentist have been doing a lot of research on this.
I dated a woman who was very narcissistic. She grew up in the USSR and claimed that her stepfather was very abusive
I’m not saying that everyone who has a traumatic childhood is a narcissist, but sometimes people become really horrible people because of their traumatic childhood
They don’t victimize themselves. They genuinely think things are just as they are but you’ll see that they’re overly thinking something is their fault. They don’t feel beat down by life as much as they just normally view it everyday thing that life is as hard as it is.
Don’t confuse spoiled people for people with real childhood trauma.
Comments
Seeing the person smiling
They apologize way too much, when it’s completely unnecessary.
If there really happy and try cheer people up i can speak from experience
very withdrawn
mood swings
self mutilation
they are still terrified of their parents as an adult.
no eye contact, bites nails, is fine with fucking me like a dog lol
Overly apologetic. Struggle with eye contact. Exaggerated “high energy” responses when you approach them. (Dead face until they have to respond it lights up bc they are afraid of how they’re being perceived/anxious.)
overly polite .
People pleaser.
Alot man. I hope everyone is doing well.
Separation anxiety
Saying I’m sorry over and over
Jumping or flinching whenever someone raises a hand
Very dark humor. My family excels in it 😒
They struggle with boundaries
We have the same mother.
Constant apologizing
Eating disorders. Morbid obesity/extremely underweight
I say sorry a lot. And I can’t maintain eye contact with anyone for more than a second or two. I’m assuming those are 2 things.
When u pick up your hand and they flinch.
They stand aside and make themselves take less space.
Women’s baby talk. It does not work on me
It’s honestly on it’s own spectrum, they’ll either be really quiet, not attempting to cause a scene or any drama, anxious and flinching when you do/say certain things (like slamming a door for example) or they’ll be the most self-dependant but pushes people away because they don’t wanna hurt them type of person.
They cannot have a discussion without it turning in to an argument or getting extremely defensive
They’re clingy and insecure
Apologizing too much, making light out of their childhood, flinching when someone raises their voice
No boundaries, let’s everyone walk all over. No expressing any needs, too afraid to say a word. Tolerates abuse of any kind. Afraid to stand up for self, afraid to hold eye contact as it’s all about conflict (and punishment). Absent minded, zoned out, dissociated. Dead eyes, gazing into near distance, but no focus, searching that what’s not there. Flinches if touched suddenly. No hugging, avoids physical contact. Gaze down as constantly fighting with collapsing within and trying hard to keep it all together. Being present physically but not mentally. Not claiming their space, let be pushed over, thrown under the bus over and over. …. (I’m tired of just writing this, ugh.)
Basically: lights on, no one home.
Flinching at the slightest motion.
Really the CPTSD Memes subreddit does a terrifyingly thorough job of completing this prompt for you.
Idk what it is but I know them automatically. I’m fairly good at making friends with people that have had the worst childhoods. I feel safe around them I guess. They don’t have this confidence around the world like they’re player one in a video game
Extremely independent like they have never been helped a day in their life so they don’t ever ask for help.
The way they react to minor stress or conflict can be a big sign. If they get unusually defensive or shut down quickly, it might suggest they’re carrying something deeper. Sometimes it’s in how they avoid opening up or trusting others.
We wince a lot. We can be very quiet and unobtrusive.. never looking to draw any attention. People pleasing. Hyper-independence. Setting no expectations so you will not be disappointed.
Eating their food really fast, eating “the good food” in 1-2 days vs making it last all week (like a carton of ice cream
Partner choice.
I am 36 and I still flinch when someone close to me just raises their hand to touch their face or reach for something. I am overly nice to other people because I just want everyone to be happy. I relate to chandler from friends a lot because I joke about everything to try and make the people around me laugh.
Wait. What? I have severe PTSD. Not so happy life. But I’m not skittish. I don’t have great relationships with the opposite sex. I don’t trust easily. Once you break my trust, I’m out. I have weird idiosyncracies. I’m an introvert, but don’t back down when challenged. I’m also Gen X. Yes, I apologize too much. That’s true. But I don’t shrink back and bite my nails. You’d never know any of this from the outside.
…again?
So, for immediacy: say you’ve just met someone or barely know them. Usually the most near holiday comes up as a topic of discussion and you can tell immediately. It’s not about who is going to be with family and who isn’t: it’s just on their faces and in their voices, even body language, whether they wish they were seeing their parents or not, and how fraught they’re feeling.
It’s not this tell = abuse. A terminal or degenerative illness, a sibling living at home with their parent/s who has personality or substance problems, the strain of late parental divorce can also be reasons. But it could be abuse too. It’s an early indicator to tread lightly around the topic.
Freak out if you use a loud voice, even if not angry.
One leg
Trust issues
Hypervigilance, exaggerated startle response.
They can handle a lot more than the average schmuck but still never believe in themselves.
Hyperindependence.
The way they stand
Dead dad jokes and the people who laugh a little in the not totally uncomfortable way
When I be putting my dog in them n they start gettin mad
Hyper independence is supposedly a feature of childhood trauma.
It was for me. Also, you know, the resulting borderline personality disorder that makes me push people away because I think they’re going to hate me anyway. I am 37 and just now in a stable relationship and that took a lot of therapy and finding a very empathetic, patient man.
Hyper independence. Anger. Distrust. Never allows anyone to get close to them. Hoarding.
Extreme anxiety, some personality disorders, suicidality
If they flinch around quick movements or don’t like people standing behind them.
They avoid conflict as much as possible
Overt sexuality.
Damn I struggle a lot with all of the top comments. I’ve always known that my childhood was traumatic but have tried to sweep it under the carpet my whole adult life. Every now and then something like this will pop up and remind me that I probably need to address these deep rooted issues from the past
Flinching and being easily startled.
Everyone makes good points but quiet walking. I walk like a ghost and scare the shit out of everyone i come up to. Also a people pleaser and overly apologize, of course 😅
Constantly picking bad partners. Allowing abuse and going back to it. A lot of different baby mamas or baby daddies. Drug and or alcohol abuse. Addiction issues, Over eating or under eating. Overly frugal or over spending. There’s a lot.
It was my turn to post this 🙁
Their actions to certain situations and lack of empathy or just doesn’t care
They flinch at any raised voice, even if it’s almost imperceptable
When they see that you are upset or aggravated, instead of addressing or ignoring it they go into this pleaser mode. Like a kid who’s trying to deal with an unstable parent by being extra nice and cheerful and trying to not rock the boat.
If they smoke or drink or use drugs
As others have stated already, over apologizing. Unhealthy relationships (I know that’s very broad) with family or parents
The way their shoulders are slumped. They way look with a shifty eye hoping nobody notices them. Usually their hair is down as it’s easier to grab a full ponytail.
They apologise sometimes for just making eye contact.
Anger. Anger is fear’s bodyguard, so I suspect there’s a lot of fear buried deep.
Over explaining. Going into detail about why they made a decision or did something, making it even hard to follow along with the whole explanation.
Inability to laugh, questioning every move, unable to have fun, dissatisfaction with everything about their self; probably thinking the trauma was their fault and not understanding why.
When I look in the mirror
They vote Republican
Backing into a corner, cowardly like a cat, when they’re yelled at or corrected. Like a large degree of fear in response to people getting frustrated or angry with them
The way a scroll down these comments is like reading a list of my personality traits
I flinch every time someone raises their arm around my peripheral vision, it’s so embarrassing trying to come up with an excuse as to why I reacted as if they were going to hit me in the face. 🙁
We tend to be blind to red flags in relationships
They flinch at the mildest things like a door opening or someone moving their hand
They trauma dump on you about their traumatic childhood.
There is a difference between experiencing negative moments and having mixed experiences. A trauma (significantly negative issues) is usually the below:
When they’re really attuned to other people’s moods and emotions.
I’m super good at it because my mom was violent and volatile and you had to know what to say when to avoid a beating.
This was posted a day or two ago.
What *immediately* tells you that a person has had a traumatic childhood? : r/AskReddit
Kindness is overwhelming.
Geez, this is depressing. I’m 44 and I still feel fucked up. Does it ever end even with decades of therapy it always feels weird.
when that persons father sits with you on the couch and unzips your pants and starts to tickle you
at least I don’t remember that my underwear had pink and purple hearts on it that day…
…I mean, what??? 🥴
You can often notice it in how they react to stress or conflict. If they tend to shut down, overreact, or avoid certain topics, it might be a sign they’ve experienced something tough. It’s not always obvious, though; some people hide it really well
Even small arguments or disagreements make them go stone face and silent. Growing up I knew if I talked back, even if I was in the right, I’d get popped in the mouth.
Teeth. It’s one of the key signs you can notice if someone had a traumatic childhood. Endodontics and Dentist have been doing a lot of research on this.
When they can’t remember most of it
Narcissism
I dated a woman who was very narcissistic. She grew up in the USSR and claimed that her stepfather was very abusive
I’m not saying that everyone who has a traumatic childhood is a narcissist, but sometimes people become really horrible people because of their traumatic childhood
Edit: word
There isn’t one
I had a shitty childhood. Unless I tell people they all assume I had just as good of a childhood as they did
Lots of tattoos or piercings.
I think it’s written on my arms ngl
They don’t victimize themselves. They genuinely think things are just as they are but you’ll see that they’re overly thinking something is their fault. They don’t feel beat down by life as much as they just normally view it everyday thing that life is as hard as it is.
Don’t confuse spoiled people for people with real childhood trauma.