My daughter is 2.5 years old. Whenever she does something naughty—like throwing food, spilling water on herself, pouring water on the floor, or hitting others (whether for fun or out of anger)—I try to stop her and calmly explain why her actions are not okay and what she should do instead.
However, instead of listening to me, she just looks away, starts singing songs, or seems completely uninterested in what I’m saying. This makes me feel really sad because I want to teach her the right behavior, but she doesn’t seem to take it seriously. What should i do?
Comments
Thank you u/Sweet-Broccoli8436 for posting on r/AskParents. All post titles must be in the form of a question.
Posts that do not conform to the subreddit rules are subject to removal at the discretion of a moderator.
Remember to read the rules and report rule breaking posts.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Words aren’t working. Pick her up and put her in her room. Tell her she can come out when she is ready to listen. Some kids need the physical example to get the message.
Take care.
Please update your post and say how old she is.
There’s a world of difference how to respond to this if she’s 2, 6, or 16.
My daughter is 3 and she is only now listening to us when being disciplined, I think at 2 most kids can’t fully comprehend what discipline is and looking away or not listening is a sure sign of not understanding the situation. My advice is to continue to point out what she has done wrong but don’t punish until you can see that she comprehends the situation. The naughty corner or step is a good one but you gotta act fast otherwise they’ll forget what they did and you gotta explain clearly why they are in trouble. Repetition and reinforcing the rules will help them learn but they are trying to learn so much all at once and we have to remember they don’t understand jack shit it’s up to us to find ways to help them understand.
Time out
I think your kids are too young to understand the purpose of your discipline behavior. I think you can try to not just talk about her after she does these things, be a role model and try to change these daily behaviors in her.
At that age, you distract and redirect. They’re not old enough to process explanations or discipline.
[removed]
If my 2 yo throws food I might say, “you must be finished? Let’s clean up” and take the plate. I’m not angry or punitive, just matter of fact. Then I have his attention. When he reacts, I might say in a surprised tone “oh, you’re still eating? Ok, when we eat we sit in our chair eating over our plate. Do you need help doing that?” And then I show him or move his body.
If he continues. I follow through on what I said and clear the meal. Usually the throwing and hitting is happening when he is bored and finishing anyway, it’s not a punishment. But usually the redirection works and we move along happily.
Your daughter is 2, these behaviours are completely normal at this stage. If she is spilling water, take the water away, if she is throwing food, move it out of her way, offer one bit of her meal at a time and if she continues, assume she is finished and get her down, wrap whatever is left up and offer her the rest when she is hungry. Children at that age are still in the cause and effect stage. They aren’t doing it to be ‘naughty’. Like another commenter said distraction and redirection at that age.
What everyone else said but also don’t give up. Don’t let her not acknowledge and not listen. Mine does it too, she’s 2 in a week and has been doing it for a while and is at the point where she will go and pick up the toy and pass it to me nicely, sometimes will even stop herself throwing it at me, because I was consistent with my boundaries. They have to cry it out and throw that tantrum because they aren’t getting their own way, but they’ll pick themselves up and figure it out eventually. Just be patient
I think it helps remembering she’s just discovering her autonomy. She’s no longer an extension of you and is living it up, she just doesn’t understand and this new discovery has gotten to the best of her curiosity.
Maybe make songs while cleaning up the messes she is making together?
It shouldn’t make you feel sad, it should make you mad that she’s learning to ignore you and you’re enabling it. Put her on a time out and tell her when she’s ready to talk she can come talk to you. She’s going to cry, but you have to do it otherwise she’ll keep doing it.
Set boundaries that are meaningful at that age. Words are useless. If she spills water or throws food then she helps clean up or loses water privileges/meal ends. If she hits someone else, separate them. If she hits you, you stop playing or firmly hold her hands until she stops trying. I usually say “I will not let you hit me.” She will probably cry and that’s fine. She’s allowed to be frustrated, but don’t give in!
At two it’s their job to push boundaries and it’s your job to hold them. She’s not bad/naughty. She’s doing exactly what a two year old should be doing, and it’s your job to teach her where those boundaries are, and that you mean what you say.
She’s pushing boundaries and learning what you’ll let her do. If you continue to allow her to do so she’ll only push it further. Correct it physically, not necessarily hitting but put her in timeout or smth like that. Force her to listen
Don’t explain at length. She’s too young. NO hitting.
I’ve heard good things about the book "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen". It’s gotta be better advice than you’re getting here.
Is this just when she is being scolded, or most of the time? Is eye contact difficult for her, in general?
Pause everything that is happening. Take everything out of her reach and stop all other noise. Nothing moves forward until she is ready to look and listen. When she does look at you, tell her thank you for looking and listening. Then tell her what behavior you expect. Un pause and move on with your day.
With toddlers that young, less is more. If she’s doing something unacceptable/unsafe, say “I won’t let you (do this thing).” And physically stop her. She’s not going to understand the deeper explanations, but she will pick up that when I do X, mom stops me. You can explain more if you want to, but at this age actions speak louder. At least, this is what worked with my daughter, who is now 4.
Normal normal NORMAL. I’m an ECE teacher for a Montessori (18m – 3y). I’ve only been in the position for 5 years but my lead teacher has been doing this for 14 years with lots of trainings under her belt.
This behavior is normal and frankly, a personality trait. Some kids do this, others don’t. I’ve known a handful who did this and mannnn, were they some strong-willed little girls! We didn’t dwell on it. Short and concise: “you may not do whatever it is she’s doing” and remove her from the situation. If she’s throwing food, “it looks like you are done with your food. Food is for eating, not throwing” and then take her food and take her out of her chair.
I’ve had to let some of the toddlers who have this type of personality just work it out. They scream, cry, hit, avoid eye contact, and I just move their bodies to somewhere safe near me and tell them when they are done, they can try again. That’s really all you can do. The eye contact avoidance is basically because they don’t want to hear it, frustrating I know, but not something you can really “correct”. Not giving the situation more energy or air than it needs is the best way to do it.
Toddlers are going to be toddlers. I’ve gotten frustrated with my own son and pretty much yelled “STOP” once and he laughed in my face. They test boundaries but they also match your energy. It’s HARD but if you can speak to them as neutrally and quietly as possible, it helps.
And then move on. Repetition works even if you aren’t seeing a reaction right away. And being as simple and boring and concise in your “discipline” as possible makes it the least fun for them as they experiment with limits.
If children “act out” it means they need something. So perhaps noticing that when she starts to do these things: is she tired? Is she feeling left out of a conversation? Is she thirsty and her water isn’t available? Idk, but noticing these trends could help mitigate the behaviors before you have to do the “talking while avoiding eye contact”. Time outs don’t really work, in my opinion. But kids can tend to need space and not know how to ask for it. Perfectly okay to kindly but sternly put your foot down and then move them to a safe space to have a fit.
Also, kids cannot process when they are in the heat of the moment. Trying to reason with a toddler when they are in the middle of having big feelings is just going to overstimulate them. Revisit “talking about it” later on when they are calm and able to listen.
Sorry, long post but hope it helps. You have a strong-willed, opinionated girly! It’s tough now but it’ll serve her well in the future!
Just hug her and love her and keep any explanations brief. At 2, you really can’t do more than be constantly paying attention and redirecting when necessary (and modeling through your own everyday words and actions), and loving the snot of out them 🙂 They are so brand new to this world still, and they are little scientists needing to test out all of their ideas to learn about the world. She doesn’t take your behavioral teachings seriously because she’s 2 and that isn’t interesting to her so she simply DGAF. That’s the way of toddlers, this isn’t a "forever" kind of thing. She’s not really a sociopath, I promise.