I have an important exam coming up and cannot focus on studying at all. My mind is everywhere except there. I am stressed on a fundamental level. I have a lot of responsibilities and even more worries and by not studying I am being more stressed. Infinite loop.
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Unfortunately there is no easy or quick answer, at least in my experience. It takes a while for the anxiety to settle down. Try to think of what an amazing move you have made, be proud of yourself. It’s not easy but you have done something that takes so much courage and strength. Pat yourself on the back for being so strong, and believe that it means you can get through anything, including this exam.
Compartmentalize. Close it off. Every time your mind wanders, bring it back. Take a walk, shower or something to distract you before you sit down to study.
Write your notes. Repeat. Repeat again if needed.
Sometimes I went to the library and that helped me to be able to focus. Bring headphones and listen to calming music while you study. I loved Secret Garden. It really helped to calm me down.
I know it’s hard, but you need to focus on one task at a time. Make a list of what you need to do and cross them off once they’re done. Remember you are worthy and you deserve to pass this test and pass this course. If it’s the beginning of the quarter consider dropping a class if it’s too much. There are counselors on campus. Make an appointment and talk and get it out. Good luck to you. Hugs.
Can you defer the exam?
Trauma makes it very difficult to access the higher-level thinking parts of the brain (problem solving, accessing memorized material, etc.) There are things you can do to calm down temporarily (minutes/ hours) but reducing overall distress takes time—from months to even years…It’s anecdotal but I remember once hearing ‘a week for every month’. That said, with professional support this process could likely evolve a little quicker.
Sort term, temporary advice-Walk, run, or exercise to calm your physical and mental state. Study immediately following exercise (to breathlessness). The state of breathing heavy from exercise may give you enough calmness to focus on your studies.
Best wishes, and it gets better.
What helped me was literally dedicating time to fret.
Fret for a bit while having coffee in the morning, no study books or other chores allowed. If mind wanders from fretting, force it back. (It will wander)
An hour of study. Set a timer. If fretting pops in, use your other brain voice to say, “in 46 minutes you can sit down and fret about this. Go away now, I need to study.”
Timer goes off. Move to a different spot–I designated a fretting spot. Set timer for 10 minutes. Must fret. Return wandering mind back to fretting during these 10 minutes.
Repeat as needed. Adjust times as needed.
This actually worked for me. It didn’t take long–maybe a week?– before I was pushing fretting time into smaller spaces. But do it as it works for you, there’s no real structure as we all are wired differently.
I am also one to practice mindfulness but I’ve found when stress/anxiety are so high, I just can’t. But I can structure fretfulness in a healthier way.
If there is a way to get it paid for, I’d suggest EMDR. It helped me resolve that hypervigilant inability to settle down in a couple of sessions.
For starters congratulations on getting up the nerve and backbone to leave the abusive relationship, too few manage it, recognize that that’s a big step to improving your life!
I don’t like daily “affirmations” or feely good things, I’m too pragmatic and old fashioned for that.
The best way I’ve heard it said is to care for yourself, the way you would care for an injured friend whom you were responsible to care for. You would be thrilled over every little success and improvement, and learn from but otherwise dismiss any and all failings, working every day towards improvement and long term results.
If you cut your arm, you bandage it. You don’t just let yourself bleed because someone else bled more. Trauma causes wounds in the mind, just as surely as a knife cuts skin. Let yourself start to heal.
If you have a panic attack, just sit yourself down and accept it. Accept that it happens, that it will end, and that it’s your brain trying to keep it together when you have too much going on in your life, too many expectations and demands. Lessen those demands on your time and money until you can manage.
Live a life worth living, not the one other people say you should have.
I wish you the best.
Try breaking it down into tiny steps: 10 mins of studying, short walks, deep breaths. Journaling or talking to someone safe can help calm the storm in your head. You’re not alone, and it’s okay to go slow.
There’s a supplement you can get from thorn laboratories called PharmaGABA. This is what I take calm my, nerves instead of prescription medicine.
Leaving the relationship did that. How do you not?
I used to set a timer for 45 minutes and focus only on studying, then the next 15 minutes I could do what ever I wanted. It helped me avoid the monotony of studying and made me focus, knowing a break was coming soon.