Married 20+ years, still in love with HS sweetheart

r/

We went to some camp thing in 1995 with my family and I felt it instantly felt something with my sister’s friend. You know the “zing” they talk about? Yea… that. It was so odd because she said the same thing too. She would sneak looks and I would do the same back etc etc. We spoke and got to know each other over the next few days and I still remember what she was wearing, how she looked etc. Out of no where, they left the camp early and i didnt see her after. I kept thinking about her everyday Following year I meet these 2 brothers and we would play basketball and soccer together and we became close. I go to their house and they introduced me to their sister, and it was her. We instantly saw each other and remembered. She said she had been thinking the same etc etc. We exchanged “MSN messengers” and “ICQ” lol and we kept in touch. We wouldn’t meet face to face because our families were both very strict and it was against our religion.

I was/am crazy about this girl. I feel something in my chest whenever I hear her name, I start sweating when she’s being talked about around me. Until this day.

My last yr in high school (1999?) I switched schools to be in her best friends school so she can come visit under the disguise that she’s visiting her friend but we would link up. We were inseparable. I was crazy about her and she was head over heels about me. We both skipped out on Uni and went to community College so we can be closer together. We were together everyday. One day, I said fuck it – I’ve been crazy about this girl for a few years, I am going to propose. In my culture, I tell my mom and she goes and speaks to her mom then the father gets the final say (that’s how it was before it’s changed now).

At that time, there was some issues happening in our small community. Unfortunately, my dad and her dad were opposite each other in those “issues”. My mom speaks to her mom and her mom was so happy. She said he’s the perfect guy, good head on his shoulders, smart, etc etc… I told my gf at the time that her mom said all that and she said yes she told me the same thing and we’re all so happy. Out of nowhere my mom comes up to me and said her father decided against it. After a few talks here and there and her mother pleading with the father etc, he stuck to his guns and said it’s not good for her. I was devastated…. heart broken.

Bad thing is I had friends that told me it’s not her father that was saying all this, but it was actually her. That she thought I wasn’t good enough for her, she can do better etc etc. I think it was mostly anger towards the family for saying no to me but I went up to her and told her that I never loved her, it was just a bs relationship and that I don’t want to see her anymore. This was summer of 2001 I believe. Now I was still insanely in love with her, would always ask her friends about her, and drive around her neighborhood hoping she would come out so I can see her. Unfortunately, never saw her for years after that.

I then hear she got married in 04? Around same time I had an arranged married and got married. I kept checking out her social medias, or wherever I can find her online. She eventually ended up having 2 kids but got divorced. I sent her a msg randomly out of the blue on a social media profile that I know of hers saying sorry to hear that etc etc. She replied saying thank you and that was that.

Fast forward to 3.5 years ago… crazy part is our boys are the same age and they know each other well (maybe even friends? Idk). I made a burner account on Instagram and messaged her. We kept talking about the most random things for 6 months or so. I was under the impression she didn’t know it was me and just having friendly conversation. 6 months of online talking I told her hey btw it’s me…. and I told her everything, all my secrets etc and she replied with Yeah I knew the whole time. I asked her if she wanted to go for coffee and she agreed. We met up and kept meeting up next few weeks daily. But I always felt bad because my wife is amazing and didn’t want to do that to her. That was the first time we’ve actually spoken since 2001, over 20+ years past.

I told her I told you it was done because your father declined my proposal & because I hear it was you that said no. She told me there hasn’t been a day she hadn’t thought about me and she was still in love with me after all those years and a marriage/divorce. She said she used to drive by my house and hope to see me leaving my house. Same shit I did before. I told her what I said was all bs about nor loving her and I am still madly in love with her and still think about her all the time.

Anyways this was a much bigger post than I had anticipated and I probably missed out on alot of things but just wanted to get things off my chest.

I still creep her socials and pretty sure she does the same. If you’re reading this, I love you. 25 years ago, now and always ❤️.