i got with a guy when i was 16 who later dated my mom

When I was 16, I was struggling mentally after my dad passed away and a breakup. At a family birthday party, I went outside to cry, and a man sitting on his porch saw me. He came over, comforted me. We sat together, talked, and he gave me a cigarette. He asked my age, idk why but I lied said I was 17. He told me he was 40. We exchanged numbers, and he said he wanted to be a mentor. He said he just wanted to help me out cause he could see i was struggling emotionally and mentally. The way he made me feel was something I had been craving and needed so bad. The comfort and caring feeling from an older male figure felt like a drug at the time. We texted for a few days, then FaceTimed, where he kept calling me beautiful, and it made me feel really good . One night, I planned to sneak out, and he offered to pick me up to watch a movie at his house. We went to his room, we were watching a movie on his bed, he touched my leg, i kissed him, and we had sex. we continued to do that multiple times a week for a couple months

After I got caught sneaking out, I blocked him. A few months later, my mom started dating a man she met at the gym, who turned out to be the same person. She mentioned her kids, and my deceased dad who I told him the name of, so he knew I was her daughter from when they first met, and just pretending not to know who i was. We ended up going on a family trip and my mom invited him, we were staying in an air bnb. There was a playroom in the airbnb, and at one point, my mom had left the room and my brothers were playing ping pong. He asked If i knew how to play pool i said no, so he got close to show me. I know this was probably innocent and i am reading into it but with this specific situation it just felt wrong. It felt like he was just completely ignoring everything that happened between us, at one point i was questioning my sanity thinking maybe i made the whole thing up lmao. There were instances where he was just having casual conversations with me about things we had talked about from when we were sleeping together. I remember seeing him being affectionate to my mom and i felt a mix of disgust and jealousy. The emotions i was feeling at this time made me feel so incredibly disgusting. It feels it messed me up in a way, the way it was so twisted. Eventually my mom ended it shortly after for her own personal reasons. I haven’t told anyone about this. I feel so much shame and guilt over it. This is literally the most insane thing thats happened to me and definitely caused so psychological damage. Sometimes I wonder if he still thinks about the situation as much as I do..