That’s the post. When I was a teenager my mother gaslighted me into believing I was actually half a shoe size larger than I actually am so she could wear my shoes. So essentially when she was buying me shoes, she was kinda buying them for herself. We weren’t rich but we weren’t dirt poor either. Solid middle class. Private school. 🙃
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I’m sorry to hear this happened. I’m glad you found out your correct shoe size. Now you can buy shoes that are the right size for your feet, and you no longer have to walk uncomfortably in shoes that don’t fit. Your feet deserve to feel comfy!
My mother was watching QVC one evening and called me. “Hey they have Lee Sands on and he has nice shoes. What size are you?” I turn the tv to QVC and see they are emerald green crushed velvet flats. I tell her they aren’t my style – I don’t want them. She insists -“what is your shoe size??” I tell her 8 1/2. She says, “WOW. You have BIG feet!!”
I’m in shock and say to her, “well, you’re a good one to talk!! You wear a size 9!”
Her response -“well look how old I am. Of course my feet are that size”.
My response – “well, our feet don’t grow the rest of our lives!!! If they did, we would all have clown feet and be wearing clown shoes!”
Her response – Whatever! (And she hung up!)
My mom wears a size 11, somehow had me convinced that I do too. I think she just wanted me to be like her? I wear a 9, or a 9 1/2 in heels.
She also used to take the arch support out of all of my shoes… weird.
Ha. Mine didn’t understand why all shows hurt my feet. She never let me have the right (larger) size.
Then when she found out that my adult feet are 2 sizes larger than she ‘wanted’ (?), she got snide about it.
The hills they choose to die on are very odd.
I wore shoes an entire size too big during all of my sports activities and life.
Never had proper grounding(slipping everywhere because shoes kept falling) and always wondered why my feet hurt after every game/practice 😭😭😭
11 years later and I realized what size I actually am lol
The issue of nparents and oversized clothes is one of the wildest commonalities I’ve found on this group. I looked like such a clown until I was in my late 20s.
My mum was insistent I was a size 6 shoe & would only buy me that size. I’m actually size 5, she’s a 6 & was jealous that I had smaller feet than her.
A core memory for me was my mother having a FULL BLOWN catastrophic meltdown because I, 13 at the time, had cut the tag and little hanging loops out of a homecoming dress we had bought the same day at Macy’s. I had tried it on at the store while with my mother, it looked fine and she bought it.
However, not even 6 hours later, she snatched the dress out of my closet and started losing it because she had decided in those 6 hours that I looked fat and awful in the dress and we needed to return it immediately for a bigger size or a totally different dress that covered more skin, only to find that I had taken the tags off without asking.
She was LIVID that I would do this, even though she had made no indication that there was anything wrong with the dress, it had zipped up fine and she and the sales girl had been hyping each other up on how good it looked.
It made me not trust the way I look in clothes, and made me not trust others when they said things looked good.
My mum seemed to think i was a size larger than i was so a lot of my clothes were too loose on me. When I bought my own clothes I realised this. Same issue with my bras too. Baggy and loose it was pointless wearing them really all those years. Now all i buy since all fit and comfortable
i was always wearing shoes that were too big. she wanted me to grow into them, but they always too icky to wear out before i did (i wasnt taught to clean or care for them well). near the end, she was buying me shoes i know now are 1.5 sizes too big.
If they were too big then “you’ll grown into them” and if too small “they’re good shoes, quit complaining.” And because they were always 2nd (or 3rd) hand shoes, they’d last three months tops which became her excuse to never buy them new. “You wear through them too fast.” No! They were already worn out when you gave them to me!
It wasn’t that we were short on money either, we were just never worth spending it on.
for my entire life she led me to believe i wore a 3x/4x in tops, sometimes a 5x in bottoms, and if i wore anything smaller she would tell me it looks terrible and “tight” clothing isn’t for me. only figured out this past year that i’m and probably always have been a 1x or 2x, who knew! crazy what them having financial control over you and making all of your purchases can lead you to believe.
That is so petty and selfish. Plus, with shoes that were too big, you ran the risk of tripping and hurting yourself, and you could have gotten blisters from the shoes rubbing on your feet. That was so unkind of her! It was her responsibility to provide you with well fitting shoes.
My parents made me wear shoes that were several sizes too small, and I had to keep them for years, even while I was growing. As a result, my feet are permanently damaged. It hurts to walk. A couple of my toenails grow in a weird curve, so that they grow out and then directly down into my toe. I need several surgeries on both feet, but I don’t know how I’m going to manage all my family responsibilities while I’m in a wheelchair for goodness knows how long. We don’t have a car that is equipped for that, or a house, so we are currently trying to figure it out. Or, I can just be in excruciating pain every day for the rest of my life.
We were always short of money because of my dad’s spending and involvement with multilevel marketing, but I was the only one in the family who had to make my sneakers last for four years during elementary school. My sister had more than a dozen pairs of properly fitting shoes. Her feet were bigger than mine (though she was younger), but I wasn’t allowed to wear her hand-me-downs. She has those to the church, or you her friends. I had to make do with shoes that I needed to curl my toes up to wear. I did have one other pair of shoes for church, but those were either way too big or way too small. I would sneak them out in my backpack sometimes, so I could wear them at school. It was slightly less painful than wearing oversized or too small flats than it was to wear sneakers that were several sizes too small. I would get in trouble, but it was worth it.
My podiatrist was livid when he saw what they did to my feet. He knew exactly what happened, without me having to tell him. It was emotionally draining to talk to him, but it also felt good to have someone acknowledge that my parents had indeed gone something terrible. I felt vindicated, in a way. I had been told that I was lying for so long, and it was great to be believed.
I think there are certain things that tend to set off a lot of abusive narcissists. Shoes, clothes, hair, and personal hygiene are some of those trigger topics, perhaps because they have something to do with outward appearance.
Always made to wear a uk size 5. When I started buying my own shoes, I’m actually a small 4, sometimes a 3.5. Madness.
I’m about a size six shoe and my mom is like 7-8 and she’s ALWAYS been upset about this… recently she left a pair of shoes at my house and they fit me pretty comfortably, they were clogs so I threw them on a few times to let the dogs out. She was elated when I told her that her shoes fit me pretty well. I think for a lot of the women here this goes back to our moms being jealous of us all the time
My mum did this too! Convinced me we were the same size for years so I would buy bigger shoes! She’s an Aussie size 9.5, whereas I’m a 7!
She also had this weird thing about us being the same blood type. Except, we aren’t
Unsure why this is a thing? I wore 7-7 1/2 all throughout middle and high school. As an adult I wear 5 1/2-6…my first pair of converse (the only shoes that I wore for about 7 years) were size 7 1/2 and the front of them curved up like elf shoes because my toes didn’t reach the end.
My mom was always so weird about shoes. When I became a teenager, all of a sudden buying me shoes was a nuisance and a waste of money. So for middle and highschool I had about 2 to 3 pair of shoes that got me through those years. Id wear my shoes till they ripped, or the sole was worn through or there were holes. At some point she just flat out refused to buy me new shoes cus I “didnt need any”.
This women had over 30 pairs of expensive shoes she never wore. Never even taken a walk in them. One day my black boots had completely fallen apart, and I needed a new pair (boots was what I wore most of the time back then). She found a pair of boots in our garage and gave them to me. Had me go outside in them and they fell apart within seconds. She told me she’d buy me a new pair of boots since these ones fell apart.
She came the next day, with a box of new boots. They were brown and fluffy on the inside. I was so excited and said “oh my gosh thank you!” She said “no these are for me”. I was very confused becsuse she hates wearing boots. I swear to God she bought those shoes only to fuck with me because She NEVER used them after that day. Never. They sat on her shelf of shoes unworn, untouched for years. She never even got me a new pair of shoes.