Hi reddit, Im not too familiar with how to use reddit in general but I’ve been trying to best recently.
I’m very vulnerable right now and have been crying nonstop.
Please be kind to me, I don’t need harsh advice or critiquing about what I should have done. I came for support and similar stories or advice on how to move on from such a betrayal.
For some background, I (22F) was diagnosed with infertility a couple years ago. My ovaries were not functioning and I was not releasing eggs. So, like the idiot I am, I thought f*ck it, I’ll have unprotected sex with my (24M) boyfriend. I know, stupid , please don’t give me shit.
A few months later, and just my luck, I found out I was pregnant.
I was scared out of my mind, but my boyfriend was ecstatic. He was so excited to be a father, and most of all, he was excited to have a family with me. After he found out, he made sure I never carried anything myself and made sure I was always fed and comfortable.
Our relationship had has it’s ups and downs and arguments like most do, but for the most part, it was great. When we argued it was usually because he had a problem with listening to me. He couldn’t remember important things I said and it was frustrating. When I would confront him, he would get defensive and have a really annoyed tone, and basically telling me what I wanted to hear with no change. He also had a porn addiction he hid from me when he knew I was very much against it. He got very angry at me then as well, before begging me to forgive him. I did, unfortunately.
When arguments were particularly bad, where I was getting fed up with him not listening and ignoring me, he would snap and scream obscenities at me about how I’m a nagging b*tch. Yes, I know, I should have left then. There were a few particularly bad times where he screamed right in my face and I was afraid he would hit me.
Usually He doted on me and treated me with so much love and compassion. He would cook for me, clean for me, take care of my pets, and when I got off a long stressful shift at work, he would take my shoes off for me and rub my feet, and love me all over.
We had the same sense of humor and we laughed so much together. Every bath we took was together, we washed each other and said how much we loved the other.
We played games, watched movies and TV shows, and did practically everything together, we were almost inseparable.
I thought he was perfect. Which is the most heartbreaking part.
I also took care of him in many ways as well. He has epilepsy, and frequent seizures. I was always there and dropped everything to help him and care for him in the aftermath. I cooked for him, fed him, spent money on him, bought home thoughtful gives and even made him some homemade ones. He seemed to cherish it all. Or so I thought.
The past week or so, I noticed he has been particularly secretive with his phone, which he never is. He would keep it on him at all times, and sleep with it under his pillow. I found this so strange I felt like I knew something bad was happening.
So, last night, he was taking a nap and I was about to get into the bath. I saw that he left his phone next to him for a change, and I just…I felt so anxious and I knew something was wrong, So i had to snoop, hoping to reassure myself.
I found out for the past week he had been cheating on me with a girl he met online over video games. They’ve been chatting in discord and he was telling her how unhappy he was with me, how I’m a bad girlfriend and how he wishes he could leave but can’t. And the girl? Was telling him he deserved better and encouraging him to leave me.
He was saying he missed her and wishes he could “see his baby”
They had matching names and pictures, and there were countless heart emojis and smiles.
I believe the conversation got sexual as well, but once I got to that point in their chat, I felt sick and couldn’t continue looking at it all.
I immediately confronted him …and all he could say was “if you didn’t nag me and make everything feel like my fault I wouldn’t have done it”
Everything I “nagged” him about was totally reasonable. I would ask him to please listen, and to please stop yelling and to please stop calling me bad names and getting aggressive and slamming things when he was mad.
He packed his things, and he left, blocking me on absolutely everything. He left me, alone, scared, and pregnant with his baby.
The most horrifying part to me, is I never saw it coming. I knew he had anger issues and I knew I shouldn’t have stood for him treating me that way, but i was weak minded and stayed because I was so in love. I thought he was too.
He seemed like he adored me, and I adored him. Up until the day I found out he was loving to me, kissing me and massaging me, making me feel like the most special girl in the world.
But it was all a lie.
I know this is a long post but idk how to cope right now. Usually id binge drink about it but that’s not an option now with the little one.
I need some words of encouragement that me keeping him away is the right thing to do.
Please be kind. I’m extremely vulnerable and extremely hormonal. And I’m so so alone. I have no family or friends. He was all I had.
TLDR; Boyfriend of 2 years cheated with a girl online, telling her how unhappy he was with me when everything seemed just fine. He blamed me, packed his stuff, and left. He blocked me on everything and now I’m scared and alone while pregnant.
Comments
Hi OP. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling with all the stress specially now that you are pregnant. Do you have your family you can go to? You are strong and your baby will need you, and you will get through this.
I am really sorry this has happened. None of this is deserved. Do you have family and/or friends nearby that could support you in this time? People are way more willing to help than you expect.
Well you know you shouldn’t take him back no matter what, in case that’s what you’re asking. You should have left him for good several times ago, so stick to it this time.
tl;dr First, see a lawyer about your rights and responsibilities, and your child’s rights in a separation or divorce.
The cheating is bad, but your boyfriend is also abusive, and that is worse.
You need to leave him, but you need to do it safely. Do you have any friends or family who can help you?
Leave him. Once a cheater will always be cheater (for most part). He have addiction with porn and you deserve better guy and let that discord gal deal with your partner since he may do same thing to her when he is with her as he did with you.
Move away to where your family is before the baby arrives (if you live away from them).
I just want you to know that not all couples argue. It’s normal to have disagreements that are resolved through respectful communication, but having arguments where you regularly yell at each other is not normal.
Please leave now. Staying with him will only hurt more, and be harder to leave, the longer this goes on. Your baby deserves better.
Do you have friends or relatives near you? You are in a vulnerable state and need support. If you have a family, go home if you can.
If you are alone, try to find out your local’s women’s support help center.
Your pregnancy will make you more emotional than usual. Try to be strong.
Take a note book and write down all these disappointing and frustrating events made by your boyfriend. List it out, so the next time he try to wiggle back, read this notebook so that you don’t forget how he left you alone.
You are going to be a mother now. And being a mother makes the woman tougher and stronger to face all these problems. You will realize that you will soon have a child depending on you. You need to get on your feet and bring your life back, find your happiness and strength from the future you are going to see and experience with your child.
If you can leave, leave. Find a new home, start over. But try not to face all these alone. Reach out to your friends and family.
Best of luck girl.
You are better off without him for now. You enjoy the rest of your pregnancy as much as you can and celebrate every bit of it if you can. Surround yourself with caring friends as much as you can and rely on your social circle. It seems he was paving the way to make you dependent on him so he can justify his resentments.
Please leave now. If not for you do it for your baby. Is this the kind of man you want your child to model, or your daughter to date?
I’m sorry. It’s a horrible situation. Your boyfriend was abusive but lovenombed you enough you didn’t realise. My ex cheated on me, both online and irl. I was busy raising my baby and missed all the signs. I also think he has another child but I don’t think he knows about it. The mother admitted she got off with him when he went out and got drunk one night. Her kids the right age and looks just like him.
You seem smart, you are obviously strong to have borne all that abuse and kept loving. Yes you are having a baby. He left. That means you get to bring up this baby without it seeing the abuse. You get to teach it how to treat people and expect to be treated. You have the gift of motherhood without the interference of someone who doesn’t deserve the joys. Yes, at times it will be bloody hard. The sleep deprivation, sickness, finances, decisions about major life points. But you also get all the joy. Every laugh, smile, milestone and achievement will be down to how you raised your child. And from the little I know of you from what I’ve read, I think you are going to be absolutely fantastic.
If you ever want to talk, feel free to DM me.
Not sure where you are located but it might not be too late to terminate the pregnancy. That’s what I would personally do in your shoes. Hopefully you can figure out who/where to call to book an appointment to discuss if you’d be interested in that option.
Don’t have a baby with this man. Get away. Go as far away as you can. Change your number. Move on. Do not tell him when the baby is born. And abuser will abuse his own child too. And if you can’t be a single parent there are other options. Good luck. He did you a favor.
I know it doesn’t feel like this right now, but you will recover stronger & better. It’s good he has left you & blocked you. Don’t respond if he unblocks you. If you have family you can stay with go to them. You’ll need support in the upcoming months as you focus on your little one. This is for the best for both of you. Now you & your little one won’t be abused & while life will have its challenges, each time you breathe & get through another day you are a stronger survivor. Take care of you & baby & best of luck
First off OP, I’m really sorry.
I was in an abusive relationship when I got pregnant and leaving him was the best thing I ever did. In many ways, maybe it’s better he left now than getting to when you have the baby and having all the negativity and shouting around. It’s hard to raise a baby alone, but it’s much easier to do it without an abuser about.
I really recommend joining anti-natal groups and then when you have the baby, parent and baby groups. That way you can start building a support group for yourself.
i really feel for you reading this. i know how it feels to be left alone pregnant with someone’s baby who you love, it is so hard. but he’s done you a favour. even if you don’t see it right now.
i would block him back tbh so you know he can’t contact you & you can try to heal from this. but it’s going to take time for you to heal, it’s going to feel unbearable at points, but it will get easier.
i’m coming out the other end of it myself, i feel happier, and my baby is due in 4 weeks & i can’t wait. my ex left 04/01. he did come back very apologetic for everything 2 months later through email (& sent me a letter to my house).
it is very likely your ex will come back apologising down the line too. but let him apologise, and let him know you deserve better by not jumping straight back to him. doing this to you is unacceptable, especially while you’re carrying his baby. he needs to know that. if he can do it once, he can do it all over again.
so be strong & love yourself. get your family & friends around you for emotional support and support with prepping for baby if you need it.
when you come out the other end of this, you will be proud with how far you’ve come & just how strong you really are.
and most of all, you will be a role model, doing what’s best for you & your baby, who doesn’t allow a toxic partner to be in both of your lives under one roof.
can you imagine him acting the way he does around your baby? can you imagine finding out he’s cheating again down the line when you have a baby to take care of? the stress will be even more unimaginable than it is now.
look after you. look after your mental health. get into a better place emotionally for your baby, become headstrong. you WILL be okay without him, better, even. i promise you ♥️
The good news is he left you. So no matter how weak or blind or scared you were before, it’s done. He left and he’s blocked you.
My advice is change the locks to your house so if he’s kept a key, he can’t just come back without you letting him. If you’re living in a rental, speak to your landlord. Do you need to downsize? Or find a cheaper place to live? Depending on what country you’re from, you may be able to break the lease, or if you can’t look for a house mate if you have extra rooms.
You’re some way along your pregnancy, so abortion really isn’t an option for you. Google “local support for single mums” in your area. You should be able to get some community support during your pregnancy and after.
Final thoughts, your boyfriend willing left the person carrying his child. He is not a good person.
Be grateful the abusive trash took itself out 🤷🏽♀️ there is no way in hell you want your child to be raised in a home with an abuser…..the abuse gets worse and it may not only be aimed at you. Try to get into therapy to help you cope but keep that man blocked & out of your life
Men often become abusive during pregnancy. (Not that it will stop after). I am sorry you are dealing with this but you are much better off without him.
I think you should get connected with a women’s counsellor or pregnancy group that can help you.
You need to go to a lawyer to find out if you can override his parental rights, he is a verbally abusive man, at the moment…
No, I shouldn’t go back to him (believe me, he will come back). If you let him come back then you are stupid because you will be putting you and your son in danger!
I should go get tested for STDs, just in case!