So me and my bf have been together for about 7 years now. Easter is gonna be our anniversary, we’ve talked about marriage before but, I’ve always been the one to bring it up. I’ve told him that’s my goal and if we don’t share a goal of marriage then we don’t need to be together. He’s told me that’s what he wants eventually but, there has never been a timeline set. The last time he said there are things he wants to see from me such as committing to taking my health seriously(such as working out regularly, sleeping regularly, and eating better) and working on our relationship issue (we have problems communicating during arguments). I have taken steps to work on both things and have done better about them since January. I’ve been going to therapy,working out, and eating better. The older I get the more I start to think about it and I have shown tremendous growth but, the subject of marriage hasn’t come up yet. His mom talks about it, my family talks about it and im starting to feel like it’s not going to happen. And I feel like if I bring it up one more time, it’s starts to come across like I’m hounding him about it. I keep seeing everyone talk about how most people who want to marry their partner know within 2-3 years of being together and I’m starting to feel like after 7 years you would think he would know if I’m gonna be it or not. I don’t want to be a placeholder or the girl he married because I was just there. And I don’t want to be that girl that has to frog march him down the aisle either. I just really need help with what to do, I don’t want to waste my time with someone that doesn’t see any potential in me to be more. We’ve been together for majority of my twenties. Any advice would be helpful because I’m considering ending it and moving on. I just don’t know what steps to take and I feel like I’m spiraling a bit.
TL;DR: bf won’t propose despite the fact that I’ve shown growth after being together for years. And I need help with what to do.
Comments
r/waiting_to_wed may help.
Please don’t marry a man who doesn’t want to marry you though.
You deserve someone who wants that commitment. He has to be the one to choose to change. You can’t want it enough for both of you.
Wishing you all the best. 💜
He doesn’t want to marry you. The you is loud as fuck.
That goal post is always going to be moving. Keep doing those things to keep yourself happy and move on with someone who can’t imagine living his life without you instead of someone dangling a carrot.
I have always had the courage to break up with someone i didn’t want to marry way sooner.
Unfortunately, you are not his forever person, I’m sorry.
Hopefully you can separate on good terms and save that friendship
If he doesn’t know by now he will never be ready
everyone even you knows you’re a placeholder you just don’t really wanna face it. understandable but it’s time to move on.
You deserve to marry someone who loves you the way you are right now.
Leave him. He doesn’t want to marry you. You want to be married. Find someone who wants to marry you.
I’d leave and find my person if I was you.
I’m sorry darlin’. After 7 years you know if your person is forever. You also know what to do, you just don’t want to do it.
Y’all started dating when you were 18 and he was 21. You were and probably are in different stages of life. Someone who can legally drink and someone who can’t. Someone finishes college and someone starting. There are many differences in these maturity levels.
But also sounds like he doesn’t want to marry you. Something is always going to change. There’s always going to be a different reason
He’s not ready to settle. He’s wasting your time.
I’ll say this most men know if they want to marry fairly sooner than women think. Now when we propose that’s a different matter altogether. My buddy dated his current wife for 7 years before he finally decided to propose. So it really could be that he’s scared, or things he’s asked you to work on are legitimate things he wants to make sure don’t affect the marriage.
Now the other side is that yeah he doesn’t want to marry you 😫
7 years and no ring? You just need to walk away. Don’t waste another year of your life with Mr. Noncomittal.
There are things he wants to see from you? WTF ma’am. He doesn’t want to marry you, he’s dangling a “new and improved” version of you out there as a carrot to make himself feel better about stringing you along for 7 years.
You say Easter is your anniversary? Great! Tell him all you want in time for the Memorial Day (if you’re in the USA) weekend is a proposal.
If you don’t get it, you’ll spend the 4th of July with someone else.
You have communication issues. For example, you’ve told us outright that your arguments need work. Also, you tacitly agreed to the following:
He said what he wanted before he’ll commit to marriage, but you think since you’ve been trying since January (4 months) that this should be sufficient. This is barely enough time to know if something is a life change, especially if he’s known your previous behavior for seven years.
But here’s the worst part of your miscommunication: you desire for your BF to accept you for who you are. It’s why you’re upset that he’s not willing to talk about marriage after you’ve put in some effort toward his expectations. Your wish to be accepted for yourself is valid. There’s nothing wrong with it! It makes sense.
Where you’ve gone wrong is accepting your BF’s proviso that you must change before marriage can be discussed.
Decide if you’re willing to work hard to change without knowing for certain if he’ll actually ask you to marry. Or if you want to find someone who will accept you for who you are now. Neither is a bad answer, just one you need to live with.
He’s not going to marry you, or he would have already.
Leave.
That’s the only thing you, personally, can do to bring about the best outcome for yourself.
I’m not sure how poor your health habits are, objectively, but I’m near positive that the communication issues y’all have, you are not the source of.
He sounds manipulative, I’m sorry to say, love. I think you feel it. Don’t rationalize yourself out of your own knowing.
Sit down and ask for a timeline . Don’t let him be vague . Ask the hard questions. Also give yourself a timeline don’t tell anybody that date you have for yourself. If he doesn’t change by your timeline …move on .
Don’t waste more time on this man.
My sister and her ex were together for seven years, but five years in is when I could hear and see how much resentment she had for him. She decided to wait. So by seven years, she went on a depressive spiral and it turned out she had been cheating on him for the past year with some methhead. It was such a waste of a relationship that they both threw away. He threw it away by never showing her how much he valued her. And she threw it away by being an even bigger POS cheating on him—and I think that was her intention (they married 4 months after everything was found out).
Please don’t waste time, when whats good is not happening.
I’m sorry but if he hasn’t done it already, he won’t do it. He will keep dangling the carrot so you don’t leave. If you want to get married, he isn’t your guy.
He doesn’t want to marry you. The right person would feel like they can’t WAIT to marry you.
He’s known you your whole adult life. He knows he doesn’t want to marry you but he’s fine with the way things are so he doesn’t end it.
You have to either accept this as what the relationship is or break up. He isn’t going to do it.
He doesn’t want to marry you.
After 7 years, if he wanted to – he would. Sorry babes, but he’s not ready for the commitment you are. He was buying time making demands of you, knowing these habits couldn’t be changed overnight. And now that you’ve made the changes, nothing. Instead of centering your life on him and marriage, think about your own plans and goals. Then decide if this is worth waiting indefinitely for. Because if you can’t have honest conversations about your needs, what are you even doing???
You’d be better off alone than feeling this way. He has made you doubt your worth. He isn’t worth that.
There is no reason to continue your relationship when you’re unhappy.
So stop. 🛑
Why are you turning yourself into a pretzel for this man? Is he the only man on the planet? No? Then why are you letting him set all the terms and conditions like he’s some sort of prize?
He doesn’t want to marry you. There’s nothing about you that you need to change or improve – He. Doesn’t. Want. To. Marry. You. He’s going to keep throwing up arbitrary goal posts so he can keep his bangmaid and keep up social appearances.
You want to get married? Find someone who thinks you are the most wonderful woman in the world and who just can’t wait to marry you. This guy ain’t it.
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You’re still so young at 25. Lots of people start a new relationship at this age. I’d say leave and move on.
When the bf starts with setting conditions to be met before proposing it’s time to leave. He doesn’t really love you.
Honey, if after seven years he isn’t ready he never will be ready. Stop wasting the best years of your life on this dead end.