TL;DR My best friend told her mom that I wasn’t getting along with my parents and although since then I have mended the relationship, my entire community knows and I feel humiliated and have ruined my family reputation.
Hello all. This is my first time posting here and it’s a friendship-related question. It might be a little long. I’m from a very reputation-based culture, and it’s normal to live with family until you’re married. I (24F) told my friend (23F) that I was stressed about living at home with my parents. I also probably told her about some fights I had with my parents and made her swear not to tell a single soul, not even her sisters or parents. She assured me she wouldn’t.
Fast forward a few years later. I’m visiting a family friend and ask tell me in private if my relationship with my parents are okay. I asked why she wanted to know and she said “Well your friend said you want to run away from home and hate your parents”
Mind you, I’ve since then mended my relationship with my parents. Also, plenty of other girls my age fight with their parents and want to move out. It’s a natural part of growing up and needing your own space.
But the fact that a completely unrelated person told me means that my friend told her mom and her sisters, who in turn told someone else who told someone else. I’m literally crying as I type this because I feel so betrayed. The kicker is that her relationship with her mom is TERRIBLE. I’m talking to the point where she called her a narcissist and extremely mentally unstable. And yet she STILL told her?! wtf?!
I don’t know what to do. I’m thinking of pretending I don’t even know that she did that, but the damage has been done. My parents reputation are also affected by this and they’re the most supportive and sweet people. I feel so angry and betrayed. What do I do? Any advice on how to navigate this? Can the friendship ever go back to the way it was?
Comments
Sounds like a big breach of trust, specially when you explicitly ask her not to say anything and she agreed. I think I would confront her about it and reconsider the friendship, sounds like it’s a huge deal in your context and it’s also hard to trust your friend again.
You can change the story from being about you to being about her. If people ask you how your relationship is, tell them it’s great, you love your parents, and ask why. When they say your friend told them xyz, pretend you don’t know why she would say something like that and suggest perhaps she was having her own issues and that you’re disappointed to hear she’s spreading rumors.
No, if this is that big of andeal in your community, the friendship can’t go back to how it was- because she’s a gossip that was never trustworthy in the first place.
Learn from it going forward and stop stirring the pot on what’s happened. . Any time you share anything with anyone you leave yourself open to it being repeated. The results were embarrassing and the subsequent drama a waste of time and energy. Surely you have more important things to work on in your life at this time than this soap opera incident. You’re not beholden to anyone for friendship. It’s most likely obvious to her who broke a confidence that she’s put the relationship in jeopardy.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You trusted your friend with something really personal, and she completely betrayed that trust, especially knowing how damaging it could be in your community. It’s okay to feel hurt and angry
Whether the friendship can be saved depends on if she owns up to what she did and if you’re willing to rebuild that trust. But you’re not wrong if you decide to distance yourself. Protecting your peace is valid
talk to her then decide. sounds likee u havent yet. and if she really is a pos, time to go ur own ways