Hot take? More-so a barely tepid Greggs katsu chicken bake about to breach it’s “DISPLAY UNTIL” code.
I had written this as a reply to someone’s actual post. But thought I’d just sling this shit out there into the tornado 🌪 and see what cows come flying out.
If you are WITH a person, and you are dedicated to each other, supportive, enhancing each others happiness/comfort, faithful, then you ARE married, if you’re committed to each other, you have a marriage, that’s what “marriage” is.
The relationship IS the marriage.
Sounds like you’re more obsessed with the expensive jewellery, and pomp and ceremony, of a wedding… (Not abnormal, of course)
The ceremony of the coming together of two people, and moving on as a sort of singularity,
Two people, publicly declaring their intention of exclusivity and intertwined one-ness.
Wedding?! Well, isn’t that what you do at the engagement party?!
Going back a couple of generations or so, people got together, declared their engagement, and had a gathering to acknowledge and celebrate it, exchanged rings, bought a house for ÂŁ7.50 and had 6 kids. Job done!
The whole wedding thing has gotten way out of hand. The expense, and attention to detail and emphasis on perfection and showing off, high on all that excitement, stress, anticipation. The intense build-up, then it’s over in a flash,
Everyone has traveled back home, the venues that were yours are now decked out for someone else’s big day, and you’re in a bit of a vacuum. Nothing is different, you’re still the same people you were, except all the things you dislike about each other are no longer being circumvented by the distraction of the looming “big day”.
TL;DR
WEDDINGS ARE SHIT.
PEOPLE ARE DICKHEADS.
(Socio-media fuelled bling obsession, colossal debt, human contracts, abject dissapointment, financial ruin, death and loneliness, the end.)
Comments
Why so bitter?
Weddings are the best when they reflect the couple.
We had a wedding with 200 people but kept the price down. Good priced rings and suit/dress.
Had the best time in the world.
If both agree on a stupidly big expensive wedding, go for it. If you agree you want a town hall wedding go for it.
If you’re totally against it, you sound bitter, and it’s the intolerance that makes you unattractive.
Yeah, the ever-expanding list of things you must buy to be formally recognized as a “legitimate couple” is stupid and unnecessary. I wish we could have found a house for €7.50 but unfortunately we would have needed to spend atleast 700k for something decent, and we spent a $1.1 MM on a home that is better than decent.
It’s been weird that people (many of whom I barely know!!) constantly asked when my now fiancé would propose during the five years we dated. Most of it was probably well intentioned, but some of it seemed kind of mean spirited. I think it’s batshit crazy how some people were like monitoring our “relationship timeline” and casting judgement on how long it took us to “get engaged” with a diamond ring, with a few going so far as to suggest my fiance doesn’t love me and how we must not be sure about each other because we hadn’t yet initiated the engagement sequence of doom spending. It was a small number of loud people who seem obsessed with being busy body suburban nosy ass Susans.
Do you know what it is? Classism. This notion that you need to have a formal wedding and invite all 200 people that you vaguely associate with. The assumption that an engaged couple is going to be inviting you to a wedding. Yeah, we had to work at it for longer so that we could achieve the highest levels in our careers and truly afford a house. I don’t have a rich dad who wants to pay $80k to host a formal ball in our honor. The few people who made me feel bad about that can fuck right off. I feel badly for them if they don’t realize how absurdly fortunate they were to get such a hospitable launch into their joint life together.
That said, all of my friends have had weddings (most of them modest) and it’s been a wonderful time. They’ve put a lot of thought into hosting, and I really appreciate the effort. I feel a bit badly now, because obviously we want to maximize the amount of money we have and hosting a wedding is an expenditure. We value our friends and family, and want to show them that. If a couple wants to host people, make their loved ones feel special and important, and is capable of doing so without terrorizing the guests, what’s the problem?
Maybe we don’t need to be so judgy towards people. Whether the couple is blessed with tons of financial resources to host an elegant suare, or if they’re a self-made couple building their financial security over a ten year period, what has the world come to that we can’t celebrate love? In the Jewish religion we call these occasions “simchas” and recognize the importance of celebrating as a community.Â
98% of people are kind and supportive and gracious. They truly want to share in your joy, which is normal, healthy human behaviour. 2% of people complain about everything and criticize other people’s choices. They should look inside themselves and reflect on what has gone so wrong.
Did you have a question?