My partner 25 M and I 27 F have been together for 4 years doing long-distance. We’ve had a lot of issues along the way, we were broken up for 8 months or so in the middle of our relationship but we are doing better now and I really love him. I do have to say, I broke up with him a while ago because I felt like he was being emotionally abusive and incredibly selfish (one example: I did the 3 hour long drive 95% of the time on a horrible broken car, while he had a brand new car from his parents and only visited me 2-3 times in 2 years, and I’d go 3 times a month sometimes. I know it’s a minor example but I felt like I was the only one putting in effort for a long time and he was treating me badly as well).
We live in the US, but I’m not a US citizen and he is. I’ve worked really hard, I have 2 bachelors degrees with 3 majors, and I have a good job as a chemical engineer. Because my work visa is expiring I have to leave the country by the end of the month. However, my company is working on bringing me back next year and I have a whole team of lawyers that I’m working with. Because my boss and my company really appreciate me, I received a really good offer from a different site within our company in Germany. It’s a different role and I think long-term this is opening much better opportunities for me. I also feel like it’s a challenge I want to take on. I know German but haven’t used it in 7-8 years since I’ve been in the US. I want to keep dating and I was trying to make a plan to visit each other and meet up as often as possible, he has never been to my home country or met my extended family. I haven’t been there in 5.5 years and I’m really excited to have a good job and be close to them for one year. I feel like I won’t have another opportunity like this in life when I’m young and don’t have a family and I’m able to travel and enjoy life and learn and grow.
He is adamant he will break up with me if I’m leaving, he thinks I’m being incredibly selfish, he wants to get married so I can stay in the US. But I want to have this life experience, but he thinks it’s a clear sign that I don’t love him and has been dismissive during conversations, saying I should go to Europe and do whatever the hell I want to do over there. I think this is the ideal example of supporting your partner. Having his experience would also benefit him long term because it’s opening some really great job opportunities for me. Also, I want to spend time with my grandparents before they die and more time with my mom and dad. I won’t live in the same country as them, but flying in Europe is so much cheaper and easier. I see my parents once every 2+ years now for 10 days or so, whereas there, I’d see them every month.
He wants to move in together and start our life here, and i completely see his point, and my heart is aching for him, but I really want him to support me with this.
Have you guys had similar experiences? I don’t know what else to say to make him see my side. Am I being really unreasonable to ask for this? I don’t want to choose between him and this life change for 1 year.
TL;DR – my bf (25M) is making me choose between moving to Europe for 1 year to have a great job, be closer to my actual family and see friends I haven’t seen in 6-8+ years and dating him. I want to move and keep dating but he is seeing this as a huge betrayal and selfish act. How do I make him see my side?
Comments
He already sees your side, he just doesn’t agree with you. He doesn’t want to move to Europe. I hope you will choose the opportunity in Germany, because he will be doing you a huge favor by breaking up with you.