I (23F) and my bf, (Patrick, 25M) have been together for almost 4 years, I immediately clicked in his friend group and they have truly became my friends as well. His best friend(25M,Adam) and girlfriend (25F, Ella) have been dating for 10 years. Me and Ella hit it off the first night we met and have been inseparable since, we go on trips together, we talk everyday and truly are best friends now as well. The four of us have hung out almost every weekend and it’s common just for us to make dinner and watch a movie, we have gone on weekend trips together and everything. It’s been working great because the boys get their time together while us girls get ours.
For the past few months Adam and Ella have been fighting and trying to work on their relationship, but recently Ella broke it off because she was tired of having to be the one to make the plans and beg for Adam to want to be around her. Adam wanted to try again but she didn’t think him changing will last past a few months and didn’t want to prolong the break up.
Now my BF and I are in a pickle, he and Adam have been friends since they were 6 years old and he wants to be there for him and will no longer talk to Ella. While I want to be friends with both of them, Adam because we do have really good talks and he will be in my life so long as Patrick is. On the other hand, Ella has been my best friend for the past 4 years and I genuinely don’t want to lose her, but I only know her because of Patrick. Patrick recently said to me that he thinks it would really effect mine and Adam friendship if I continue to be friends with her. I just genuinely don’t know what to do or even how to go about this situation.
Also: when Adam was telling Patrick about his break up he said “now that Ella and I are broken up, it is going to cause problems between you and your girlfriend” and honestly, it already has since I’m fighting on Ella’s behalf and he is fighting on Adam’s. Please help and give some guidance, what is the best way for me to go about this whole situation?
TL;DR : my friends broke up and now my BF and I don’t know what to do. What is the best for me to go about this situation without losing a friendship?
Comments
It’s fucked up that your boyfriend is making this a competition. Adam is not your best friend, and hopefully as an adult he can respect that you have autonomy over who you hang out with/speak to. Just because you only know Ella through Patrick doesn’t negate your relationship with her and he has no ownership over it.
I’d be firm with my stance that they are both your friends and you won’t stop speaking to either.
You should continue to see both. Keeping in mind their relationship/ breakup is a taboo subject. Don’t lose friends, you can still see them separately.
Shunning either of your friends straight after a breakup is just making a bad situation worse for them and for you since it’s having effects on your relationship. I think the four of you should understand that you all had a really great friendship and shouldn’t have to sacrifice that because of the breakup.
This is such a hard situation, and it makes total sense that you feel stuck. You care about both of them, and that doesn’t make you wrong it just makes you human. Talk to Patrick honestly and let him know that your friendship with Ella means a lot and doesn’t take away from his friendship with Adam. You’re not picking sides, you’re just trying to keep someone who matters to you in your life. With some trust and understanding between you two, you can get through this without losing anyone