I (31F) asked my boyfriend (31M) of officially 1 year when the last time he had sex was before we got together. I didn’t ask out of jealousy, I’ve been experiencing random bleeding after sex and other weird symptoms, and I’m worried I might have HPV. I’m going for a pap smear next week, and I’ve been really anxious about it.
I wanted to know more about his sexual history so I could understand any possible risks and feel a bit more informed. Instead, he got angry, said I was “interrogating” him, and now he’s completely shut down and isn’t speaking to me. He wouldn’t answer the question and it’s made me paranoid that he was sleeping with someone while we were not official but exclusive as it was a simple question.
I feel really hurt. I wasn’t accusing him of anything, just trying to have a mature conversation about something that directly affects my body and health. I expected at least some openness and support, not silence and defensiveness.
This reaction makes me feel like I can’t talk to him about serious or sensitive things without it turning into a shutdown. I don’t know how to move forward or if I’m overreacting for being upset about this.
I don’t know if I can trust my boyfriend now? How should I approach this going forward? Is this a reason to break up?
TL;DR: I asked my boyfriend about his sexual history because I’ve been having bleeding after sex and am worried I might have HPV. He got angry, said I was interrogating him, and now he’s not speaking to me. I’m hurt and unsure how to move forward
Comments
Red flag.
Your bringing up a concern about your health and he got defensive… hes hiding something
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Honestly, yeah, you should be concerned. It’s a major red flag that he got defensive. What is a partnership if you cannot be honest and open? Especially about things like sexual health, which affect you both?
Your suspicions are either totally correct, or he has done some shady stuff in the past (i.e before you, which has affected other sexual partners or his own sexual health) which triggers his anxiety/defensiveness.
why are you with this creature
Even if he isn’t hiding something, this behavior is disqualifying. Your boyfriend has no business being in an adult relationship.
I hope you find answers about your health situation
Obviously he didn’t handle it well but it’s really hard to advice you without any input on why he didn’t? We don’t know him and his reaction could range from deflecting because he is cheating or think you will judge him because his extensive sexual history to embarrassment because of his lack of one. You could adjust your approach depending on what your theory is.
This is so concerning. I know it’s sometimes quite uncomfortable talking about past relationships/sexual partners but I do think it’s such an important conversation to have. Especially since it’s related to your health.
I definitely think that’s this is worthy of a very serious conversation regarding your compatibility for the future – this doesn’t warrant him to ice you out. Transparency and consideration is so important in a relationships; you deserve much better than this treatment girly!
If someone is 31 and can’t talk about STDs with someone they’re banging regularly, to me that says they haven’t talked about it with anyone. I would be distraught. But I’m also a total freak about my health. I hope you dump this untrustworthy donkey.
Get checked, break up and walk away. No matter what his reasoning is, he’s showing you that he doesn’t care about you enough to just be honest. A healthy relationship includes conversations that can be hard but need to be had. This isn’t even about the fact he’s hiding things. He genuinely isn’t worth your life and I can tell you from personal experience that it only gets worse from there.
Are you using condoms? Every time? Please tell me you’re not having raw sex with him just because he said he had been tested and didn’t have anything.
Run, don’t walk away from this man. 1 year is a small time period in the scheme of things. While your investment is low, consider your sanity and mental health in the long term. Personally, I accept nothing but openness and honesty in my relationships. Do you want a man who is honest and open with you? Do you want someone who will have conversations with you, even when they are the hardest things to discuss? Because you can have that. You should accept nothing less for yourself. If my partner asked me about my sexual history we’d have a conversation. Pretty simple.
At an absolute minimum, do not have sex with him.
Probably didn’t have much sex before he got with you and is self conscious about it is my best guess, or he is cheating.
He sounds really immature tbh, consider if you want to be with him.
Get a full STI screening and talk about the bleeding after sex with the dr at your Pap smear.
HPV is really common and your body naturally cures it eventually so I really wouldn’t worry about it too much. You can also get HPV from skin on skin contact.
However I do think you should check in on the bleeding after sex because you should never feel pain/discomfort.
Instead of being concerned about your health, he chooses to guilt-trip you and tries to punish you by not speaking to you.
This man has not your best interest at heart. Also, being this defensive when you have nothing to hide definitely shows he’s not being honest with you. This man shouldn’t be your bf anymore.
You should tested and dump him if you ask me.
The vast majority of people have HPV. If you’re a sexually active’s adult, chances are that you have, or will have, or already had, HPV. Most people with HPV aren’t aware of it. Get the HPV vaccine if you haven’t already, in order to avoid getting the strains that cause cancer later in life.
His response is bizarre and concerning, however. I would be rethinking this relationship.