Most of the times where my bf tells me he is at mine around 5, he shows up two or three hours later.
I am autistic so I find it pretty annoying. As a solution, I asked him to inform me in advance (!!!) if he is gonna be later then the time we agreed on.
Now, this is not going well and I don’t know what to do. He never tells me when he’s arriving much later and no matter how much I ask him to do it, it just doesn’t work.
It’s not only with me, he has time managment problems with mostly everyone and everywhere.
But like I am his girlfriend and I find it disrespectful, only because I tried so much. I can’t be the one suffering the whole time right?
TL;DR: Boyfriend always shows up late and I don‘t like it but donno what to do about it anymore
Comments
You being autistic aside (which I know makes this kind of thing a lot more difficult), he simply doesn’t respect your time. That’s not a good quality in a boyfriend. Not only does he disrespect your time by showing up late, but YOU came up with a very reasonable solution that he still can’t stick to. You solved his problem for him, and he can’t even do that.
He doesn’t care. He’s not going to change.
Honestly this would be a deal breaker for me. I find it extremely disrespectful and have definitely left men over this. It shows my time is not valuable or important to them, especially if you’ve communicated that it’s a problem for you and he continues to do it. There’s no excuse for 1) showing up late consistently, or for 2) not sending a message letting you know he’s running behind if it is COMPLETELY unavoidable.
Relationships are voluntary. You don’t need to stay in this one. What argument is there to support staying in a relationship with someone who is fine with wasting your time and is so inconsiderate of your feelings?
Almost anyone would find this very irritating, OP. You don’t need to worry that you’re being some special snowflake because you’re autistic. I would break up with him over this.
Hours late isn’t a time management problem.
I’m always 10-15 minutes late or early because, even with technological assistance and the best will in the world, I cannot seem to internalize how long things will actually take to do. Fortunately my friends are mostly the same way, and all of us feel bad when we’re late. That’s what a time management problem looks like.
Your boyfriend doesn’t respect your time or you, and he’s getting around to you when he feels like it. You cannot manage his time for him and he’s not inclined to manage it for himself. Your choices in this situation are probably (a) live with it, or (b) break up. I suggest (b). You deserve better.