MRI on brain. Consultant Neurologist wrote to the GP with the findings. Proceeded to inform the GP that he had “today conducted an MRI on the patients brain, however, could not find anything remarkable.”
Was having dinner with my boyfriend’s family for the first time and his little sister said ‘wow, you’re actually really pretty for someone who likes math.’ I teach calculus at university. Thanks… I guess?
Friend during D&D “The Kobold reminds me of you kinda” the Kobold was a brain damaged war vet who had trouble making full sentences. They just met him and knew none of that just that he made noises and was stumbling over words trying to formulate sentences
My grandma meant to compliment my new haircut but said ‘Oh, it makes your face look so much smaller!’ I’ve never thought about my face size before that moment, and now I can’t unsee it.
A former work colleague once said to an older female colleague, “I bet you were really good looking when you were younger.” He meant it as a compliment, but it didn’t go down well.
Was talking about the death penalty/revenge with a colleague, a volunteer who was catholic was listening to the conversation. I was against it, he was on the fence. At one point she says that she finds it interesting that I as an atheist held the morally superior position compared to him who was more open to the idea that there could be some sort of superior being.
One of the most accidentally hilarious (and insulting) remarks I’ve ever heard came from a well-meaning but oblivious coworker. At an office party, someone brought their homemade cookies, and another colleague—trying to be complimentary—said:
“Wow, these taste just like the ones you get at the grocery store bakery!”
They meant it as praise, but the baker’s face fell instantly—because grocery store bakery cookies are usually mass-produced and not exactly a compliment to a home baker’s effort.
Another classic is the backhanded compliment: “You look so much better when you smile!” (Implying they usually don’t look great.)
Or the unintentionally savage observation: “You’re way smarter than you look!”
Accidental insults often come from good intentions but land like a verbal grenade. Do you have a favorite?
I was on a cruise ship once, in one of the gift shops, smelling different perfumes. I have very specific scents I like and I am very wary of picking out a perfume that reminds me of “old ladies”. I used to work in a nursing home and I swear they all wore the same intense floral musky perfume. Every time I catch a whiff of that type of perfume it instantly transports me back to my nursing home days.
One of the workers approached me asking if she could help me pick out a scent. I blurted out “I JUST DON’T WANT TO SMELL LIKE AN OLD LADY”. Unfortunately, an “old lady” was about 2 feet away from me checking out with some perfume. She gave me a shocked look, so did the shop worker that was checking her out. I was mortified. Unfortunately, the timing and my tone really made it sound like I was making a dig at the older woman. I wanted to die. I’m not a mean person and absolutely didn’t mean anything by it.
I still think about it to this day and feel horrible 🫠
Someone once told me, “You look really good for your age,” and genuinely meant it as a compliment… but it hit like a truck. Right up there with, “You’re so brave for wearing that.” 😅
In my 20s was working at a summer beach bar. 12-16h a day in blazing hot sun and humidity.
Every night for a couple hours the husband of the boss’s sister would be there and work the post, acting like our supervisor (5 head staff). Dude was a banker by day and just wanted to sqeeze some extra money. He didnt really work, more like cosplayed a bartender.
Once he was chilling at peak hour telling me some pseudophilosophical BS while i was half listening and working my ass off.
“Some people have no empathy for others. And if you lack empathy you are just an animal. Can you imagine what that is like?”
At that point i needed ice and he was sitting in front of the ice machine so i just turned around looking at him in the eyes and down behind him at the machine and said “I can imagine”. Then notioned him to move and kept working.
I noticed staffwere stifflinf smiles but thought nothing of it till later a guy told me it looked like i gave him an up and down look and said it refering to him.
I was a rather thoughtful 8 year old and my aunt was down for a visit. When she came over one day, I told her she looked like a slut. At the time I thought slut meant someone who wears a lot of make up.
He had a big underbite – lower jaw jutting out past upper jaw. I didn’t really notice it as a condition, it was just what he looked like. It was giving him TMJ problems and headaches, so he eventually had to get surgery to fix his face in his 30s.
He was telling me about it, and I said, “Ok, the Hapsburg jaw.” He didn’t understand at the time, so I told him I’d send him a link. He went on explaining his prep for it, packing on weight because his jaw will be wired shut for six to eight weeks, all he will be able to eat are smoothies, etc.
The next day he responded. It took him that long because he was PISSED. After he called down a bit, he texted back, “I have never been so insulted by something I completely agreed with.” He did get a good laugh out of it later.
After the surgery and recovery, he feels and look a lot better. The worst of recovery was the food – he lost all of his packed-on weight, plus some more. Also, never make a steak smoothie. But he said that was the worst insult he ever got, especially one off-hand coming from a close friend.
I was in a screenwriting class in college, all about creating a sitcom Pilot. most of us got really into it — we wanted to work in the industry and the teacher had some great experience — but this one guy was clearly just checked out. he used to make fun of me for putting effort in. He was from Austin, Texas, and the premise of his show was just “Austin.” Like, that was it. He had some character who lived in Austin, and they just did things around Austin. the teacher really tried to get him to add a little more texture, but he just couldn’t be bothered.
Cut to near the end of the semester, and the teacher brings in a guest speaker that he knows in Hollywood, a guy who has tons of experience developing shows. He is a total sweetheart and has tons of awesome advice. We’re all asking him questions about what to write a sitcom about, and he says “look, if you’ve got a story to tell with some compelling characters, go ahead and write your pilot! I mean, don’t just write a show ‘about the city of Austin,’ I guess, but basically any idea is worth exploring a little.”
The class all burst out laughing, including the teacher. His random example of a bad TV show premise was the exact show this guy was pitching. felt like karma — especially because Austin boy didn’t even bother to show up that day.
“You speak really good English for an Indian fella” said to me by some middle-aged white guy who overheard me as he was walking by. I’m British Pakistani, born in the UK and was working as a professional writer at the time. It was a really weird comment to make as I’m in a really diverse city with a fairly significant South Asian demographic most of whom were also born here. And it was only 8 years ago not like we were in the 1970s or something. I just said “cheers mate” and moved on.
“Did you used to have a cleft palate?” Not quite an insult since there is nothing wrong with that but one of the more confusing things an ex said to me, given that I just simply don’t look like I have or have had one.
Comments
I’ll go first:
MRI on brain. Consultant Neurologist wrote to the GP with the findings. Proceeded to inform the GP that he had “today conducted an MRI on the patients brain, however, could not find anything remarkable.”
“You’re surprisingly smart for someone who doesn’t speak up much.” so you really think introverts are dumb??
Was having dinner with my boyfriend’s family for the first time and his little sister said ‘wow, you’re actually really pretty for someone who likes math.’ I teach calculus at university. Thanks… I guess?
You look good for a black guy
An old ex of mine once told me “you’re built like you could be hot.”
Till this day I have 0 idea how I was supposed to take that
Sister around the age of 6, “Hey dad.”
Her dad, “What?”
Sister, “I forgot.”
Her dad, “Then it was probably a lie.”
Sister, “I was going to say I love you.”
40 years later, I still think fondly on how sick a burn that was without her even knowing it.
“ I’d totally date you if you were a guy”
Friend during D&D “The Kobold reminds me of you kinda” the Kobold was a brain damaged war vet who had trouble making full sentences. They just met him and knew none of that just that he made noises and was stumbling over words trying to formulate sentences
“You look so good in that photo—I barely recognized you!”
My grandma meant to compliment my new haircut but said ‘Oh, it makes your face look so much smaller!’ I’ve never thought about my face size before that moment, and now I can’t unsee it.
A former work colleague once said to an older female colleague, “I bet you were really good looking when you were younger.” He meant it as a compliment, but it didn’t go down well.
“Oh you’re so and so’s little brother? I had no clue you existed”
If you lost weight you would be pretty
Received a meh letter of recommendation for a job applicant that started “You will be lucky if you can get this student to work for you.”
Was talking about the death penalty/revenge with a colleague, a volunteer who was catholic was listening to the conversation. I was against it, he was on the fence. At one point she says that she finds it interesting that I as an atheist held the morally superior position compared to him who was more open to the idea that there could be some sort of superior being.
“You don’t look so bad yourself” wtf do you mean I don’t look so bad fgs😭
One of the most accidentally hilarious (and insulting) remarks I’ve ever heard came from a well-meaning but oblivious coworker. At an office party, someone brought their homemade cookies, and another colleague—trying to be complimentary—said:
“Wow, these taste just like the ones you get at the grocery store bakery!”
They meant it as praise, but the baker’s face fell instantly—because grocery store bakery cookies are usually mass-produced and not exactly a compliment to a home baker’s effort.
Another classic is the backhanded compliment:
“You look so much better when you smile!” (Implying they usually don’t look great.)
Or the unintentionally savage observation:
“You’re way smarter than you look!”
Accidental insults often come from good intentions but land like a verbal grenade. Do you have a favorite?
“Most girls might not find you conventionally attractive but I think you’re cute”
Wow im so envy how you can always eat so much and be so thin. Am a 1.90m Man hearing this from a woman
“Have you ever thought of doing photography professionally?”
At the time, I was an award winning press photographer for a major newspaper group in the UK.
I was on a cruise ship once, in one of the gift shops, smelling different perfumes. I have very specific scents I like and I am very wary of picking out a perfume that reminds me of “old ladies”. I used to work in a nursing home and I swear they all wore the same intense floral musky perfume. Every time I catch a whiff of that type of perfume it instantly transports me back to my nursing home days.
One of the workers approached me asking if she could help me pick out a scent. I blurted out “I JUST DON’T WANT TO SMELL LIKE AN OLD LADY”. Unfortunately, an “old lady” was about 2 feet away from me checking out with some perfume. She gave me a shocked look, so did the shop worker that was checking her out. I was mortified. Unfortunately, the timing and my tone really made it sound like I was making a dig at the older woman. I wanted to die. I’m not a mean person and absolutely didn’t mean anything by it.
I still think about it to this day and feel horrible 🫠
“i didn’t expect you to be that sharp” — said with the tone of a compliment, but my self-esteem still filed a lawsuit
Someone once told me, “You look really good for your age,” and genuinely meant it as a compliment… but it hit like a truck. Right up there with, “You’re so brave for wearing that.” 😅
I gave it once.
In my 20s was working at a summer beach bar. 12-16h a day in blazing hot sun and humidity.
Every night for a couple hours the husband of the boss’s sister would be there and work the post, acting like our supervisor (5 head staff). Dude was a banker by day and just wanted to sqeeze some extra money. He didnt really work, more like cosplayed a bartender.
Once he was chilling at peak hour telling me some pseudophilosophical BS while i was half listening and working my ass off.
“Some people have no empathy for others. And if you lack empathy you are just an animal. Can you imagine what that is like?”
At that point i needed ice and he was sitting in front of the ice machine so i just turned around looking at him in the eyes and down behind him at the machine and said “I can imagine”. Then notioned him to move and kept working.
I noticed staffwere stifflinf smiles but thought nothing of it till later a guy told me it looked like i gave him an up and down look and said it refering to him.
Thinking back to it that was perfect.
You look great for your age!
My elderly grandmother once said to me, “when you were little, you used to look just like your daddy. But now you’re good looking!”
She didn’t understand why we all started laughing. My dad was standing right there when she said it, too.
You need studied
I was a rather thoughtful 8 year old and my aunt was down for a visit. When she came over one day, I told her she looked like a slut. At the time I thought slut meant someone who wears a lot of make up.
Said it to a friend.
He had a big underbite – lower jaw jutting out past upper jaw. I didn’t really notice it as a condition, it was just what he looked like. It was giving him TMJ problems and headaches, so he eventually had to get surgery to fix his face in his 30s.
He was telling me about it, and I said, “Ok, the Hapsburg jaw.” He didn’t understand at the time, so I told him I’d send him a link. He went on explaining his prep for it, packing on weight because his jaw will be wired shut for six to eight weeks, all he will be able to eat are smoothies, etc.
The next day he responded. It took him that long because he was PISSED. After he called down a bit, he texted back, “I have never been so insulted by something I completely agreed with.” He did get a good laugh out of it later.
After the surgery and recovery, he feels and look a lot better. The worst of recovery was the food – he lost all of his packed-on weight, plus some more. Also, never make a steak smoothie. But he said that was the worst insult he ever got, especially one off-hand coming from a close friend.
I was in a screenwriting class in college, all about creating a sitcom Pilot. most of us got really into it — we wanted to work in the industry and the teacher had some great experience — but this one guy was clearly just checked out. he used to make fun of me for putting effort in. He was from Austin, Texas, and the premise of his show was just “Austin.” Like, that was it. He had some character who lived in Austin, and they just did things around Austin. the teacher really tried to get him to add a little more texture, but he just couldn’t be bothered.
Cut to near the end of the semester, and the teacher brings in a guest speaker that he knows in Hollywood, a guy who has tons of experience developing shows. He is a total sweetheart and has tons of awesome advice. We’re all asking him questions about what to write a sitcom about, and he says “look, if you’ve got a story to tell with some compelling characters, go ahead and write your pilot! I mean, don’t just write a show ‘about the city of Austin,’ I guess, but basically any idea is worth exploring a little.”
The class all burst out laughing, including the teacher. His random example of a bad TV show premise was the exact show this guy was pitching. felt like karma — especially because Austin boy didn’t even bother to show up that day.
“You speak really good English for an Indian fella” said to me by some middle-aged white guy who overheard me as he was walking by. I’m British Pakistani, born in the UK and was working as a professional writer at the time. It was a really weird comment to make as I’m in a really diverse city with a fairly significant South Asian demographic most of whom were also born here. And it was only 8 years ago not like we were in the 1970s or something. I just said “cheers mate” and moved on.
My coworker said I “have all the anxiety of a chihuahua but none of the audacity” and now I’m mad that my coworkers all think I’m not audacious.
“Did you used to have a cleft palate?” Not quite an insult since there is nothing wrong with that but one of the more confusing things an ex said to me, given that I just simply don’t look like I have or have had one.
Honestly? Anything backhanded, i’ve had people tell me “You’re actually fun”. like what??
You look good with some weight on
Just finished chemo hair is thin and wirey. Someone tells me I look a lot older than I am. I’m like gee thanks.
My innocent GF at the time, who meant no shade: “Why does she look like a 12 year old boy and a 50 year old woman at the same time?”
The girl in question was like 22. Don’t smoke kids. Drink lots of water and eat your veggies.