I’m 25 and already noticing how quickly some of my opinions and priorities are shifting — like, things I thought were so important a couple years ago now feel… kinda irrelevant?
I’d love to hear from women over 30:
What’s something you used to be totally sure about in your 20s that you now see completely differently?
Could be about relationships, career, friendships, self-worth, aging, body image, whatever.
I feel like no one really prepares you for how much you’ll grow and unlearn in your 30s, and I’m curious what that’s looked like for other women. Bonus points if it’s something you would’ve fought someone over back in the day 😂
Comments
And with each decade, you weed out more and more of what doesn’t matter. Turning 40 was the greatest. I felt so free to be me! Wait for 50, then you really don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks lol.
Love
This is something that’s really come about it in my 40s, but my attitude towards drinking. I’m fortunate to have never had a problem with drinking—I always felt like I could take it or leave it—but I ran with a crowd and in an industry where booze was plentiful and almost encouraged. In my forties, I’ve just progressed to it not appealing to me much at all. I’ll still have a drink or two in social situations, but I rarely drink anything at home except to humor my husband if we’ve cooked something nice—he likes his wine.
Working hard at work generally doesn’t payoff. It usually just results in more work. Corollary: if you complain about something, you might find yourself in charge of fixing it, so be selective about when you speak up.
I used to think I was fat and gross. Now I look back at pictures of myself and realize I actually looked pretty good!
Having kids is optional. I’d always just assumed I would have them.
I feel like I got more selfish in a way. I used to have the grace and patience of a saint. If someone needed an ear or help, I would just jump in. Sadly, my kindness got burnt out by 30, and partitioned it when it suited me. Now at 40, if someone starts trauma dumping and I am not in the mood, I tell them to please stop and/or just walk away. I dont mind internet trauma dumping, but real in life ppl telling me their problems feels borderline like emotional abuse.
A lot of relationships don’t last forever even if you try to maintain them. Sometimes, they just expire, and it can be hard to grieve their ending. I definitely used to believe things like marriage is forever, I’d never get divorced; etc haha. As I got older, I realized marriage lasts as long as you’re both willing to meet in the middle. Having the option to divorce means you’re staying bc you want to, not bc you have to.
I had a lot of people pleasing tendencies I had to unlearn. Went from caring too much about others to not at all. I’m not setting myself on fire to keep others warm. Nah. I rather prioritize myself.
I thought I knew a lot when I was younger, but one thing I had to work on was developing and defining my boundaries more than ever. Serious life changer.
In my 20’s I believed my family would always be there for me. Now in my 30’s, I got a divorce and moved away and nobody called me to see if I was okay, so now I don’t talk to anyone in my family.
In my 20s I believed I wanted kids. In my 30s, I know I don’t want them.
In my 20s, I thought my life would come together. It’s closer to 40 that actually happened.
Overnight success takes a decade. Buckle up and get to work laying the foundation for the life you’d like to live. Don’t waste your time wondering what anyone else thinks. Make sure your needs are met and go from there.
That friendships would naturally last. Your expectations around them changes dramatically as people start to get married, have kids, and go through other life changes. People aren’t as available, and you have to put more effort into maintaining connections. It’s also important to recognize when to let go of those friendships who no longer serve you.
Not everyone is good and looks after your best interest. You need to pick who you are around wisely. There are too many energy vampires out there.
I’m sensing a shift in the importance that I place on my career. When I was in my early/mid-20s, everything was about landing The Dream Job, which meant I put myself through a lot of unnecessary heartache and disappointment when I took up a less-than-ideal role. Every job felt like it was just a stopover until I got what I really wanted.
I haven’t given up on the idea that work can be fulfilling and occasionally enjoyable. But I’ve also learned to slow down and be more present, if that makes sense.
I thought that if I could just lose the weight I would feel better about myself. Nah fam, I needed therapy . And fixing my brain has caused the overeating and binging to significantly decrease, leading to natural weight loss.
I really wanted to be a stay at home wife in my 20s and wanted that to be a financial goal for my husband and I. Now I’m in my 30s and I think even if I won the lottery I would still want to have some sort of part-time job. I think the switch to having a job that actually mentally stimulated me and was hybrid has helped me enjoy working.
People will love you if you are giving them something they want for free. As soon as you stop, they will destroy your life.
The best part of my life is knowing how it turns out and it’s bad.
Career is not the most important thing.
Christianity
I was TOTALLY sure I wanted to get married. My number one goal was “being chosen”. It makes me kinda want to barf now looking back. I can’t imagine someone else in my space or fucking up my peace.
Also, work-life-balance is very important. You must advocate for yourself when it comes to your career because no one else will.
When it comes to dating—you can be the most amazing woman in the world but it doesn’t mean you’re the one for him or vice-versa.
I used to be biphobic and all this time I’ve actually been bi lol
I finally believe that I deserve better
That it’s stupid or embarassing to enjoy certain things, whether it’s movies, music, or hobbies. I like what I like and it’s not illegal, gross or dangerous so I’m done feeling sheepish about the things that make me happy!
That my thinnest body is my healthiest body. It’s just not, and it’s not worth being miserable trying to maintain it instead of full of the joy and strength eating well provides
That it’s desperate to be the one to repeatedly reach out to maintain current friendships/make new ones. People be busy!!! (Obviously there is a limit to this but truly, if I want to hang out with a friend I just friggen text them and usually with specific plans in mind so the convo doesn’t meander)
I used to think I was mean or arrogant if I didn’t let most people have access to me. I thought I had no room to be the least bit selective or judgmental, because “nobody is perfect” and “who am I to judge?” I surrounded myself with horrible people as a result, and it took me years to recover from that. Now I’m extremely selective, and my life so much more peaceful.
That finding “your person” is just a matter of time. I don’t think there’s any such thing, really, but besides that I don’t think anyone is guaranteed a partner. And realizing that has made it easier to focus on myself and my goals without worrying about some hypothetical man who may or may not come along (I’m pretty sure I will not end up partnered, even on a short-term basis).
Some positive changes – my friends actually like me and will go out of their way to spend time with me. they aren’t just saying yes because they prefer not to be alone.
and secondly – we are all imposters so having “imposter syndrome” is a waste of mental energy.
People-pleasing is hollow. You’ll disappoint others no matter what you do, and often that includes disappointing yourself. So make the choices you stand by, because that is the more consistent method of measuring your own self-worth.
Ignoring your needs just builds a debt to yourself that you’ll have to pay back later. No one is coming to save you, so be someone you can rely on.
I used to believe if I did everything ‘right’ in the game of life that I was somehow better than others who didn’t. It was a wake up call when I ‘had it all’ and was deeply unhappy. So I blew it all up and I’m pretty darn happy now.
I’m a lot more empathic and less judgmental than I was in my 20s.
I used to believe marriage was the end goal and should be for everyone. I now firmly believe no one should be married by law. My Catholic family has also come around on that one too which I’m pretty impressed by.
That 30, 40, or 50 is old. It’s not.
I now believe that I deserve to have what I want. When I was younger I was scared to go after what I wanted.
I would never have thought I’d one day be trying to increase the size of my body instead of being as skinny as possible. Now I’m strength training and trying to build muscle.
I believed that someone would save me and fix me and love me in all the ways I needed and should have been loved and it wasn’t till I to turned 30 that I realized that person has to be first and foremost, always.
I used to believe in karma and universe doing justice. Now I believe that universe really doesn’t care about me and I need to look out for myself. If I don’t speak out for myself, I lose.