I m, 54F have been living with hubby 55M for 18yrs now. Our relationship has really fizzled in the last 5 or so. No intimacy, no friendship, nothing. I almost left him back in October and I started therapy, he promised to change and try be more of a husband than a grown oscar the grouch. We were doing good, we were getting along. I slowly started trusting him again. I actually allowed myself to feel hope and love again. Then one morning I heard a noise behind the stove, I recorded it and waited for him to wake up so I can show him. He did and he had his coffee, he’s inhumane before coffee, so I avoid him. I went to him, and showed him the sound. I said I think I heard a mouse. I played the sound for him he listened and said that’s not a mouse. I said are you sure cause…. he cut me off and got mad. Then he said in his most vile tone ever. One you would use on a stray dog stealing your baby’s food out of her hand. He said “ Go away!” and threw his hand up in disgust. I said you can’t talk to me like that. He got even more mad and started arguing that it wasnt a mouse. I said fine it isn’t. and walked away. I felt so stupid for trusting him again with my feelings, I let my guard down and showed him the real me. The me he swears he loves. That night when I went to bed beside him I couldn’t sleep. I felt dumb, like a stupid little unwanted ugly kid nobody loves next to him. I told him this and he apologized and said he didn’t mean it that way, that he handled it wrong. He said not to feel that way and that’s not how he sees me. I cried in front of him and felt even more stupid. I havent been able to forgive him, the insult and scar runs deep. He’s done and said worse things in the past, I don’t know why I stayed, the stupid hopeless romantic in me maybe. I hate her for it. I will talk to my therapist about this. Im back to sleeping in a separate room and not trying to spend time with him. I don’t know what to do . On one hand it’s a minor thing, on the other it hurt so bad. Im at a loss on what to do. Somedays I forget and somedays I can’t be around him out of embarrassment for being me and being made to feel stupid for it. Even though he said he missed the old me, the one he loved before, the happy girl who was always excited to see him and share little things with him. Well I let my guard down and was myself, and that’s how he reacted.
TL;DR
My hubby hurt me deeply with his words that made me feel like I was disgusting
Comments
You’re way too young to be trapped in a marriage like that for several more decades. Divorce is scary and it’s really hard when you’re going thru it, but it gets better. I’ve been divorced for 6 years (I’m now 54) and I don’t regret it for a moment.
“a stupid little unwanted ugly kid nobody loves” that is so sad. No kid is too ugly or stupid to not be loved. We all deserve love. Your husband is a grump, I really don’t think it’s about you it’s about his mood swings, so try not to internalize it but it’s not an easy thing to put up with for sure!! If he keeps making you feel this way it might be better to move along. I know it’s sad but who wants to spend their retirement years with a grumpy b***rd!