My boyfriend (20m) and i (20f) have been dating for about 5 months now but we’ve known and been best friends with each tiene for years. A few days ago i told him about some gossip i had with my friends who’s in a relationship she’s unhappy with and she has a crush on another guy. I told him about this in a way that made me seem excited for her but i genuinely just like to see the drama (i know that’s not great but i am who i am). When he heard all this it kinda put the idea in his head that i might do the same seeing as we’re in a long distance relationship but i value what we have way too much to do that to him.
I’ve reassured him so many times that i only love and care for him but these ideas made him pull back his trust in me a little bit. He’s been a little more dry in our conversations since then and im really worried for us. i really don’t wanna lose him but i feel like we just need time. i’m so anxious over this and was wondering if anyone else has had a similar problem. i care about him so much, but what can i do to help us?
TL;DR! My boyfriend worries about me finding someone better and i’m worried he thinks i’m trying to. how can i reassure him he’s the only one for me?
Comments
What’s said is said.
A bell, once rung, can never be un-rung.
So there’s nothing (absolutely nothing) that you can do that will undo whatever change in perception he chooses to have of you because of this.
You can reassure him that you wouldn’t do such a thing…but that doesn’t mean he’ll believe you.
What you might want to do, for you own sake, is stop dismissing character flaws in yourself with a flippant:
> but i am who i am
…because who you are is someone who is happy that her friend is being implicitly unfaithful, because you “just like to see the drama”. That very fact has told your boyfriend a lot about who you are as a person.
You’re all of five months in; neither of you are on your best behavior any more, and neither of you are making excuses for any mistakes the other one makes any more. The honeymoon phase is over, both of you are beginning to see who the other person is, rather than who you hope the other person is…
…and you’ve shown him that you have an unapologetically nasty side of yourself that gets off on other people’s drama.
So now he knows that. And unless you choose to change it, and show him that you’ve changed it, he’ll know that about you forever.
And if he doesn’t want to date someone who gets off on other people’s drama, then he’s not going to want to date you.
So you’re not excited for her but you like the drama. That’s being excited for her/about it just with more steps. You can’t just use the excuse “I am who I am”. If you recognize something bad then you just don’t really get to write it off as “I am who I am”, unless you’re fine with that being who you are, and at that point I don’t really blame your boyfriend for feeling the way he does.