my bf(26M) and I (22F) have been dating for a few months, and in the beginning we were on and off. When we met he told me he worked on a project with his “friend”… of course that friend he mentioned earlier was his ex gf. He told me when we were breaking up (lol). We ended up getting back together later and he told me he ran into that ex at a show, and that the interaction was awkward and that the situation is dead😭
Anyways since we got together again things have been really good, until a few days ago. I was at dinner with a friend and told him that me and my bf are dating now and my friend turns to his girlfriend to explain that he met my bf at a show his ex was performing at a while ago.
Basically my bfs ex was performing at a show a few days before another show she was at. The second show was what my bf told me he saw her at. He never mentioned the first show and I only found out he was there because my friend said this in front of me.
I confronted my bf about not telling me about this, especially because my friend said in front of me that he and his ex were “good friends”, not knowing that they used to date. Totally opposite of what my bf told me saying it was “weird” and “the situation is dead” 💀. I mean, he’s apologetic but I have no idea what to do. I can’t tell if this is something to break up over, because I get why he might not tell me. But I feel like I’m losing trust in him because of these lies/him evading the truth. I gave him many chances to tell me the truth, I even talked to him about his ex a few days before I found out all of this.
I can’t tell if this is something to break up over. Or if I should give him a chance to win my trust back… any advice?
TLDR my bf saw his ex gf twice while we were on a break, and only told me about one of the times he saw her, saying it was bad. I find out later from a friend he hung out with her once before that and they were very friendly. He didn’t tell me about it at all. What to do…
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In real estate law (stay with me here, because I’m going somewhere with this) there is the concept of “coming to the nuisance”. What it basically means is, you can’t buy a house next to an existing busy airport, and then try to sue the airport because all of the noise of the planes bothers you. The nuisance (the jet noise) was already there, and you chose to come to it by buying the house.
You knew about this:
> He told me when we were breaking up
…and then you came (back) to it:
> We ended up getting back together later
…so anything and everything about him and his interaction with his ex that bothers you now is entirely and completely 100% on you; if you didn’t want to be with a guy who did this stuff, then you shouldn’t have gotten back together with a guy you knew did this stuff.
Why are you even with this guy? In what way does being with him make your life better? In what way does being with him help you to create a future for yourself that you want to live in?
You know the answer. He still involved with his ex. Look for me if he’s lying about his ex and still hung out red flags. I will just move on find someone who will love not wasting my time this nonsense people.
Break up with him. This answer is short and sweet
Eh, break up. Zero tolerance for nonsense. The fact that you found out the hard way is a big red flag.
You’re too young to waste your time on someone who doesn’t know what he wants and can’t even be alone in the short period that you were on a break. Leave those two losers to each other and move on!