I’m in my late 20s and have never moved out on my own before. Recently, I decided to apply for an apartment with my boyfriend. I know I should be excited—it’s a big step—but what I’m mostly feeling right now is guilt.
In January of this year, I moved in with my dad for the first time since I was an infant. My parents are divorced, and I’ve always lived with my mom until now. I love both of my parents deeply, but they’re (or their partner) both very particular in their own ways, and it’s impacted me over time.
Growing up, I didn’t live in the healthiest environment. My mom’s house was chaotic and emotionally taxing. There was a revolving door of family members living with us, and there was often domestic violence, yelling, slammed doors, silent treatment—just a lot of general hostility. My dad had moved away for work when I was younger, he returned during 2020 to be closer to me, and that meant a lot.
Now that I’ve been living with him, I do see how he also has his own particular ways, and while I understand and respect that, it does affect me emotionally. I struggle with anxiety, and I’ve become pretty particular myself. I’m very much a creature of habit, and when something in my space is moved or disrupted, it throws off my entire flow.
So, logically, I know that moving into my own space—somewhere I can create peace and stability—will be a good thing for my mental health. Still, it’s not easy. I feel guilty about leaving my dad, especially after just recently reconnecting and living with him again.
I’m also feeling a little anxious about the new dynamic with my boyfriend. He’s an amazing person, but he does have kids and an ex-wife who lives out of state. This is all new territory for me—I’ve never dated someone with children before. That said, I grew up in two broken households, so I understand how important healthy co-parenting is for a child’s well-being. I respect that he and his ex communicate often. They FaceTime regularly about the kids, share updates and photos, and stay in touch.
Still, there are some aspects of their communication that make me feel a bit uncomfortable. The hard part is that I don’t really know how to bring those feelings up. I struggle with setting clear boundaries, especially because I genuinely believe that the children’s best interests should always come first.
I guess I’m just trying to hold space for both realities: honoring my past and where I come from, while also giving myself permission to build something healthier and more stable for my future.
TL;DR: I feel guilty for wanting to move out from my parents, but I’m also scared to move out with my boyfriend who has a different lifestyle than I’m use to.