Not a throwaway, no need. From 2008 to 2012, I was a functioning cocaine addict. I went through an 8-ball at least every 2 days and spent thousands of dollars.
It was common for me to stay up until 4 or 5am almost every night, then I’d sleep all day in time for my afternoon shift at work. Other than that, I maintained a rather normal life. Nobody close to me knew anything about this, not my significant other, family or close friends. The only people who knew were friends who did it with me.
In 2012, I moved to a new state for work. I stopped just enough to get a clean drug test and did as much as I could before I moved. I had no source in my new state. I am sure I could have found someone but I didn’t try very hard, mainly out of fear of the new area. My withdrawal symptoms were brutal and I explained to my significant other that it was just my blood pressure. Eventually the withdrawals subsided but my cravings did not.
I’d come back home once or twice a year and would always hit up my source for a few hundred dollars worth. Enough to last a few weeks after going back home but never at the level I was in the past. I moved back to my home area in 2016 and immediately hit up my source. I turned out his number was no longer in service so I didn’t look any further.
Today, even 10 years removed from my last usage, whenever I see the drug being used in TV or movies, my brain fires out mass feelings of euphoria and the cravings come back. Thankfully it doesn’t last long but I always have an intense feeling of anxiety.
Moving saved me from spiraling deeper. I am not sure if it was divine intervention that saved me from being completely consumed by cocaine but I am thankful for my current place in life.
Comments
Congratulations!
Glad you are doing fairly well man. Been struggling myself with the same addiction currently. Got in some trouble a few months ago and was able to be sober for close to 6 months, changed jobs, started working on my mental shortcomings. My source hit me up a couple weeks ago to catch up on life and I have been relapsing ever since. About $500 a week oof!
Can’t believe you could hide this from your significant other. Well done though, keep it up.
The geography fix. Def a legit way to quit, but you see the downside, you’re not really “clean” because if you can score again you will. Hope it works for you. 20 years an addict here, not fun.
Congrats on a decade! Its hard. I think it’s one thing that doesn’t get talked about enough when someone becomes a chronic drug user, it ends up being a life time struggle for most. Your story is a good example of that, and so is my own.
I used meth heavily for 4-5 years which states as smoking it, turned to snoring it and eventually I was slamming rigs at the end. My last hoorah was in 2019 with meth. I still have flashbacks. I still find myself wanting to go on the hunt when I got those low valleys mentally and get that idgaf attitude. The worst I did was coke earlier this year and it fucked up my heart. I need to go to the Dr but can’t afford it right now lol so lesson re-learned and it gave me a reminder to stay away from hard shit
Anyway: with time that urge and those thoughts full. But never fully go away. Much like PTSD. There’s times where (especially when I’m in a state of psychosis) I can smell it and even taste it I’m things. There was a gas station next to where we used to live that burned incense in the store and I went in one day and it smelled exactly the same. I almost left but decided to use it as a “you can’t control me anymore” exercise.
I’m Surprised you managed to sleep at all!
Great work getting clean
You aren’t alone. It’s common to have memory echoes. It’s in the past now.
Unfortunately this is not an uncommon experience with cocaine. Congrats on your recovery though. I know it’s tough but it is worth it.
Three years clean here. Lost my house, my marriage, and nearly my kids to that white powder. Some nights I still wake up craving it, especially when I’m stressed. Therapy helped, but man, those neural pathways are stubborn little suckers.
I was hooked 2015-2017. Functional. Still the same feelings as you. Everytime I see it, or hear about it, my mouth waters.
this is how i am with xanax ive been sober for 4 years and i still crave it randomly
I go through this a couple of times a year .
Buy coke sit with it for a few days then flush it down the toilet 🤣
It’s great that moving was all it took to shake the habit for you. Many people that deep in addiction would do anything to get their fix, which I think shows that somewhere deep down you wanted to quit and just needed a change to make that happen.
Many celebrities who have done huge amounts of cocaine have ended up with Parkinson’s syndrome. Please come back and do an AMA if you get this condition. We want to know if it’s a scientific fact that you will get this condition at some point in your life. I hope you don’t. I’m happy you’re clean now. Stay safe
Great job keeping clean
Do you have a hole in the bridge of your nose now?
I just miss the smell
Damn, that’s rough. I kind of always knew I should stay away from the stuff, I just have an addictive personality. I always thought of it as either I wouldn’t like it or I would REALLY like it and have a problem, so there was no use. Started smoking weed in college and really continued using cannabis products. Recently though I’ve just lost some interest in it, enjoy getting a good nights rest with dreams, something I don’t get if I’ve smoked or had an edible.
I’m also AHDH, was medicated on simulants since I was in first grade. I have heard some people like me really don’t get anything off of a simulant like meth or coke. Cannabis just kind of sets my mind normal now. Guess I’ll probably never know about coke.
Congrats! The struggle is hard!
I’ve been off Meth for almost 13 years (my birthday is also my sobriety date)
I wish I could say it get easier with shows and such but it really doesn’t.
You’re a champion for sure! Keep pushing!
I’m so fucking proud of you!
When you first took it did you fear you may become addicted? I have a 9/10g per week coke habit and I’m despairing.
Totally totally relate. I’m clean for about 1.5 years and it’s hard still.
I’m glad you were able to find your reasons to be able to live life without hard substances involved. My best friend just lost her husband of over 20 years last year. He was a casual to sometimes bingeing cocaine user for most of his adult life although we all thought he had totally left that in the past. Well, I guess curiosity killed the cat as they say because he somehow was offered some. He bought a small amount took half a rail, laid down and never woke back up. The toxicology report confirmed it was straight fentanyl andthis man hadn’t done coke in years and was a casual party Coke user before. Now his wife and three kids have no father.
My ex has been sober for about 12 years. He never specified what substances he used—he just said he “used everything” and also dealt during high school. He went through rehab, had what he described as a spiritual awakening (became a Christian), and is now working as an engineer.
What I’ve always wondered is—can past addiction, even after a long period of sobriety, still affect someone’s behavior or relationships today?
When we were together, I often felt like there were things being kept from me—either by him or his family. I’m not trying to judge him, but I’ve never known anyone personally who’s gone through something similar, so I’m not sure what’s normal or what might be a red flag. Any insight would help.
Reading some of these other responses, I feel pretty blessed. Been sober for almost 9 years now, and truly don’t have cravings or anxiety, even if I happen to be around people using (rare, but has happened at concerts or bachelorette parties). Every day I am grateful to be free from that obsession.
4ish years clean from the yak myself. 2 years from booze. I’m proud of you.
It’s a trap. The thought of doing cocaine is way better than the actual reality of doing cocaine. If you are honest with yourself, you’ll remember only the first 2-3 lines are good, everything after that is just to stop yourself from feeling shit. After the first 2-3 lines you feel worse than you did before. If you watch how they make it, I think that will really put you off. It’s made in a pit in the jungle with sulphuric acid, kerosine and bleach.
Well the cravings stay. Definitely when you see it being used or talking about it. Good work staying clean 👌
Congratulations!
I’m over 30 years sober from meth (and other things). I found the memories and dreams of using improved so much, to the point I don’t think or dream about it anymore.
Honestly, my life now feels like a whole new life when compared to before. Clean life is so much richer!
25 years since I used heroin, had a dream about it a week ago
How the heck did you manage to sleep
The craving never goes away. It’s just gets easier to manage. I’ve been clean from drugs since 2005 and I still occasionally think about or dream about using.
I just never will again.