I have a horrible kink that I have never told anyone about irl

r/

Throwaway account because I am extremely ashamed of this. I’m a black woman who’s into race play so being called slurs by white men. I get off to the idea of it when I’m alone and masturbating. And it’s horrible that I’m fetishizing white men in that way because it’s racist. I thought about maybe speaking to a close friend about this but l’m too ashamed to admit that I fantasize about that type of stuff.

Just had to get that off my chest idk if anyone else can possibly relate but I needed to confess because I’ve been holding this in for a while and I feel weird for being this way.

Edit- ty to everyone that dmed me and sent me so much helpful info/related to me I don’t feel as ashamed as before.

Comments

  1. waderscum Avatar

    Everybody has a kink.

  2. Aggravating_Stay_696 Avatar

    Dude people like getting shitted on i think your fine

  3. age_of_No_fuxleft Avatar

    It’s not horrible if it works for you. It’s private. It’s your spank material. Lots of people have a degradation kink. You’re not out there walking up to white men asking for plantation play- and even if you DID and it’s consensual- good for you.

    If it’s bothering you, talk to a therapist.

  4. beansareso_ Avatar

    People have rape fantasies and I feel like rape is significantly worse than racism alone. So, I think you’re fine.

  5. Gen_JohnsonJameson Avatar

    I hear it’s really common. Well, from what I read on the internet, I mean.

    I wouldn’t stress about it. At least you can be thankful it’s not something really horrible, there are a LOT worse kinks out there. If you and your partner are both okay with it, then that’s all that counts.

  6. Downtown_Tale_5183 Avatar

    BW here, girl that’s ok 😭 we all have kinks. My bfs kinks are absolutely wild but I ended up liking them too & he likes mine

  7. angellbitch Avatar

    People are into a lot of things that other people would say is wrong and inappropriate. If everything is between two consenting adults, it’s not something you should be ashamed of.

  8. caughtyalookin73 Avatar

    Everyone has different kinks! If you need it in a British accent let me know 🤣

  9. Ok_East_6593 Avatar

    No need to be ashamed. We don’t choose our kinks. We only choose to act on them or not. Too me its a depressive thought to think about all the people who live their whole life surpressing their kinks.

  10. Roller1966 Avatar

    Does it feel any better now that you’ve gotten it out or not?

  11. Prestigious-Sail7161 Avatar

    I’d love to have a powerful black woman degrade
    Me and do things sexual to me. I’m a white male

  12. Faartz Avatar

    Most kinks are about taking ownership of our subconscious fears, like being considered a racist. You’re not the first person to get off on a taboo subject and unless its causing problems in your life I don’t think you need therapy.

  13. hungryforfood45 Avatar

    If its between 2 consenting adults I think you are fine.

  14. imstillapenguin Avatar

    That’s not horrible. Yeah, racism is bad but if it’s between two consenting adults that get off that way, then nothing wrong w it.

  15. blueflowervv Avatar

    Hey dont feel like that about yourself. Im a white woman and I dont know how it feels to be hurt by racism, but i struggled my entire life just for having certain fantasies and I would really like to share a little with you. Please call me in private. I can deeply relate somehow, because I struggled so much and its so amazing to finally be free from this guilt.

    If you wish to talk please talk to me

  16. Hungry_World_573 Avatar

    Uhhhh that’s not that bad dude. Some people like it when people pee into their mouths. Not anyone I know and definitely not me, just saying. I heard rumors.

  17. bronzeineverygame Avatar

    This just sounds like a degradation kink that society has given you a bonus way of indulging in.

    Racism sucks. Kinks that don’t harm other individuals don’t.

  18. Ok_Membership_8189 Avatar

    Therapists hear everything. Try to get a referral or interview them until you think you’ve found someone you can trust. You deserve to explore this with someone, if you want.

  19. gertrudeimsorry Avatar

    4chan incels reading this having an existential crisis

  20. Mohegan451 Avatar

    No problem with humilliation kinks, specially race play. Hell, that actually sounds hella kinky.

  21. totally_c-h-u-d Avatar

    I think this is very similar to any woman who wants to be degraded in bed.

  22. barbatus_vulture Avatar

    Don’t feel bad. Fantasies are really strange things, as are the things we get turned on by.

  23. TattieMafia Avatar

    Just like how you can have a praise kink, you can also have a degradation kink. It’s very common, people pay a lot of money for a dominatrix or dom to degrade them. You could discuss it with a sex therapist, but it’s not an illegal or dangerous kink so you don’t need therapy, unless you think racist thought about yourself in a non sexual context. If it’s just a kink, then join a site like Fetlife and see if you can match with someone with a domination kink.

  24. space-cadaver Avatar

    The secret to enjoying any kink is to have a kink that is worse on the side.

  25. Electrical_Feature12 Avatar

    That’s fine as long as you know that 99% of white men are not like that at all.

  26. CutSuccessful2904 Avatar

    Babes ur fine, some of the girls make money off of it

  27. Triumphant_Cailin Avatar

    You know what? More power to you. 🔥🔥 Who cares.
    Society is just a group of social norms and who cares about norms? As long as you aren’t hurting children and animals,.why should it matter? Society isn’t exactly great nowadays anyway so eff everyone. You do you 🔥

  28. shuntbumps Avatar

    In my experience most sexual fantasies involve things we don’t actually want to happen in real life. Part of the excitement is the taboo/forbidden. Consensual non consent, gang bang, age play are all more mainstream in point and erotica these days. Doesn’t mean I actually want a large group of old folks to force themselves on me.

    But if it is genuinely messing with your peace and mental health definitely talk to a therapist!

  29. sandistinyrocks Avatar

    I messed around with a mixed race guy who was into that tho not the slurs. I think it’s quite common. There’s nothing wrong w you. Have fun!

  30. Dramatic_Web3223 Avatar

    I don’t think it’s horrible. I don’t think you’ve been in the position to have a white man or woman call you a racial slur. And I say this as a black woman who grew up in the south. I was also married to a white man, for years, that wasn’t from the south, but he was in the military so he witnessed a lot of stuff. So I by no means think that all white people are racist. But like someone said, lol there’s people that like to get shit on, so you’re fine.

  31. trulyabadbitch Avatar

    Girl same…. Idk I’ve done it it’s fun but only with the right guys

  32. TheNakedNeighbors Avatar

    Trauma can show up in our kinks/fetishes. I’ve found that it can be a really great way to heal from trauma. I’m really into CNC, and I am a survivor of SA.

  33. trulyabadbitch Avatar

    It’s like an extension of degradation play or rape play. It’s the scariest most dehumanizing thing, so of course our brain wires get all crossed up.

  34. blueishblackbird Avatar

    Most therapists wouldn’t bat an eye at something like this. You shouldn’t feel ashamed. It’s pretty tame and I’m sure would make sense to someone who understands psychology well enough. I’m not sure what the goal would be in therapy, I guess that’s up to you. I also don’t think you’re objectifying white men by having this kink. Although it might be hard to find a guy who will go there with you, who isn’t also a bit off. But who knows, there’s probably someone with a big heart who can also role play without taking it seriously. I’m not sure how that works. Either way, shame isn’t helpful. People who virtue signal aren’t right in the head. Talking to someone about it would probably be really helpful.

  35. Glyde-N-Slyde Avatar

    This is a kink you have. Nothing to be ashamed of. There’s groups on fetlife that explore these kinks. Maybe there’s help for you there.

  36. chastitysphguy15 Avatar

    It’s ok I like black girls to tell me how small my “ little white dick is “ and say shit like “ compared to a big black dick that little white baby dick is absolutely pathetic !” Stuff like that makes me soooo fucking hard . Unless I’m locked in chastity then I just start oozing pre-cum uncontrollably while they’re teasing me and talking shit lol

  37. Great_Cloud_4607 Avatar

    What you’re into is your personal business, don’t be ashamed! Thats between u and whoever you decide to be intimate with, and totally normal so don’t get down on yourself because I promise there’s nothing wrong with u! Everyone has their kink and that’s ok 🤷

  38. Pocket_Silver_slut Avatar

    Only a problem if you think it is. There are a bunch of otherwise straight men who get off on being made to dress and act like a female to the point of being forced to service other men. Yours is along those lines and there’s nothing wrong with that. You can keep it as a favorite fantasy to Schlick to or go out and find a willing male who understands consent and fantasy to share it with. But if it bothers you you can talk to a therapist and figure out if there is something more there.

  39. -CheeseLover69- Avatar

    I think you made the right choice, saying it “out loud” anonymously, and you are probably right about talking to a therapist, and maybe confiding in a trusted friend. Keeping this a secrete must feel really heavy, so I do hope you find your way to safe spaces that accept you as you, and maybe explore with someone else in the future.

    There are so many kinks with negative connotations, but it doesn’t make them horrible. My ex and I really got into humiliation, and I used to degrade him a lot as part of our play and even little remarks throughout the day. If other people heard about it without context, they might think I am a horrible person and it was abuse, but he loved it and got off on it like nothing else, and it was fun for me, so what’s the harm?

    I hope you find your way to a safe person or a few you can share your kink with.

    ~ Eclipse

  40. Tabled-Concerns Avatar

    First things first, you’re not fetishizing your white partners. They’re fetishizing you. Nothing you can say or do will be fetishizing them because YOU are not the person that isn’t in power.

    Past that I would definitely say to get help, a therapist will be able to make sure your mind is in the right place so that there aren’t any lasting effects or cues you’re not interpreting.
    I worry that either you are doing severe damage to your self-image or the self-image you get from being black or that you will let a racist get too close too soon and regret it.

    Kinks are one thing, but your kink inherently deals with the social status and race of a people still treated like they’re lesser. No matter what anyone else says, that affects more than just you, so I can not in good faith simply say, ‘It’s just a kink. It’s not hurting anyone.’.

  41. Objective_Bug2104 Avatar

    moi aussi je kiff qu’on me traite de sale pute en plein acte pas forcément par des hommes blancs mais je kiff… so je vois pas où est le mal

  42. Aggressive-Ad4389 Avatar

    Kinks are taboo and that’s a huge part of why we like it! It’s something we would never engage in “real life” and it doesn’t actually mean we want it to happen to us, or happen anywhere outside of the bedroom with a trusted partner. You are not racist, the same way other people are not ACTUALLY incestuous or want to be sexually assaulted in some way.

    It’s deff not bad that you think into it though, it’s totally healthy for you to wonder about why you have these kinks to get to know yourself better. You’re not a bad person though!

  43. Key_Environment8653 Avatar

    Doesn’t sound too bad. If you’re in the south, you’re surrounded by men who would indulge instantly. Not for the right reasons though. But some might.

    You’re alright!

  44. Diligent-Mongoose135 Avatar

    The sheriff is near?

  45. OldTimeEddie Avatar

    It’s just a kink, as long as you don’t let it affect your life in a negative way. Lots of people are into degradation kinks regardless of what they are. Don’t feel bad.

  46. autistic_midwit Avatar

    This is not that bad. People are too sensitive about race these days. Its just a fantasy.

    I met a haitian girl once that was into CNC and BDSM we did a roleplay where I was her slave owner and she loved it.

  47. TallTinTX Avatar

    It’s deeply personal and while it’s not something to share with people in your life, it works for you and you’re not hurting anyone. Own your fantasy and enjoy it!

  48. Tabled-Concerns Avatar

    I have an unfounded opinion that most of the comments on here are from people that don’t have a strong tie to their race; or don’t have any sort of race based oppression going on against them or their people, and maybe never have.

    I say this because interacting with someone who wants to treat you differently based on your race affects everyone of your race, whether you want it to or not.

    When they move on to other people, do you think the raceplay part of them just disappears? Do you think they don’t think that racist stuff in the first place? Do you think them having an interest in treating you like that comes from nowhere?

    And as I said before, I would go to a therapist solely to have them confirm or deny any underlying causes to make sure everything is healthy.

  49. General-Drag-2741 Avatar

    Welcome to reddit, where there is no shame and we’ve all done worse.

  50. Primary_Writer6608 Avatar

    I think it’s just a sub kink to being dominated. You like being rough and vulgar. I don’t kink shame, you go girl! Get you a daddy Dom. Someone that makes you feel safe and comfortable.

  51. Beefc4kePantyh0se Avatar

    There is an episode of Shameless where they do this on cam for money lol

  52. SpecialistBit283 Avatar

    Our poor ancestors are turning over in their graves 😔

  53. Affectionate_Face741 Avatar

    TW medical trauma/fear

    Hi I’m pretty deep into the world of kink, and this is fairly normal tbh and perfectly fine. My personal favorite are CNC scenes that seem real and nonconsensual (behind the scenes the sub does consent fully) where the sub is strapped down to a medical table in stirrups and gagged while screaming and experimented on. Not necessarily any penetration, just feeding off the fear and pain.

    So yeah you’re cool. It’s cool.

    What you’re doing is therapy, and it’s beneficial to everyone involved and not causing any harm to anyone. You’re doing the kink thing right! Maybe talk to more like-minded individuals and explore the world of kink in more depth. There are tons of us. 🙂

  54. Ok-Nectarine3130 Avatar

    Trying very hard to practice “We listen and we don’t judge” Seek professional help before someone takes it too far!

  55. son-of-hasdrubal Avatar

    Dam that’s fucked up I don’t think I could do that to a woman

  56. AndyWarholLives Avatar

    For whatever it’s worth, I had a black girlfriend and she asked me more than once if I wanted to do Plantation Play.

    I was shocked and refused lol…..she was a VERY kinky girl. 😹

  57. justtire Avatar

    A lot of people like degrading sex, don’t worry girly

  58. Other-Ad2732 Avatar

    I didn’t know I like degradation until I met my now boyfriend. Never thought someone calling me a “dirty whore” would turn me on. lol don’t feel bad girl(I’m a black women too)

  59. WhilstWhile Avatar

    This sounds like trying to reclaim something that hurts you in real life. It’s kind of like some SA victims have consensual-nonconsent (CNC) kinks, because they want to reclaim in a safe, consensual way the power that was stolen from them by them being sexually assaulted.

    If you’ve had to deal with racism directed at you in ways beyond your control, then it can feel like reclaiming some of that control to choose when and how and in what context (fake) racism is directed at you in what is a very vulnerable moment (sex).

  60. LowCharismaHornyBard Avatar

    Here’s the thing. We’re culturally conditioned to regard sex as private, so sexuality becomes associated with privacy, with secrecy, so the erotic realm becomes like a secret underground theatre in our lives where not-sexual things- traumas, anxieties, shit we’re confused about and would be embarrassed to be seen processing in public (because of sweeping social expectations and judgments). All kinds of stuff we need to work through but are too ashamed of, that’s considered taboo, gets repressed in the unconscious and can come out as kinks. And once they take a shape, indulging them can become ritualistic, repetitive, predictable- “safe, controlled”- which can become addictive. Before you know it you’re obsessively into something and you don’t even know why, really, but it has power over you.

    Mine is literally feeling power wielded heavily over me, too; being on the receiving end of degradation & humiliation- feeling powerless and objectified, “what does a f**** need a brain for- you’re just a hole,” etc. And i’m not like disavowing all of that as a turn-on now, it still is, but i understand it a little better nowadays, and i can say this: since i found a source of self-respect, dignity, community, meaning, purpose, that i was missing for a long time (or was deceiving myself about having for a long time), its hold has weakened a lot.* It’s still kinda’ where i feel pulled to go when i want to check out, but my life’s changed such that i’m less inclined to want to check out.

    So if your kink feels like it’s controlling you and you don’t like that, look at the rest of your life. What are you avoiding, what are you missing, what are you afraid of and hiding from? Are you secretly more lonely that you want to admit, and just want any kind of attention- even degradation- as long as it provides a fix of feeling wanted, and ‘useful?’ Are you insecure about your life being meaningless? Is it a life you’re compelled to try to escape from?

    A lot of what we’re raised to be ashamed of is so arbitrary and stupid, trying to avoid it makes us neurotic, kinda’ contorts us into perverts (not necessarily harmful- maybe only harmful to ourselves), but there’s an interplay there- a dialectic- where if you want to get a grip on what’s fucking you up in your life outside of sex, what’s going on in your sex-life can be an instructive place to contemplate what needs and wants it’s fulfilling.

  61. NerdyCouple_42069 Avatar

    Not raceplay but my wife likes it when I call her the most vile, porn-addled names you can imagine. Ive gotten too into it once or twice and said something that I thought she’d hate but it only excited her more lol

    Just make sure you find a partner irl to practice this with safely. The only reason my wife likes it is because she knows she’s safe and can say “no” or “that was too far” and well stop and talk abiut it.

    Youre not THAT weird, and i wish ya lots of luck.

  62. Tabled-Concerns Avatar

    They downvoting me in the comments cause I don’t like racism.

    That’s wild.

  63. SelenaCatherineMeyer Avatar

    I have a wayyyy darker kink that I’ve never admitted to anyone or asked of any sexual partner. I keep this fantasy entirely to myself when I masturbate.

  64. Tabled-Concerns Avatar

    Fuck, this is bait.

    You mentioned this being horrible, knowing people around you wouldn’t hear it, AND that you feel bad for fetishizing white men????

    Nah, I severely doubt you’re a black woman.

  65. zh_13 Avatar

    Have you ever heard of Slave Play, the play, by Jeremy O Harris? It’s been put out on Broadway and the west end, it’s a pretty famous and well-done production, and I think it delves into this kink very interestingly and thoughtfully

    Not sure if you can find a video of it online, but I know the script is published and it’s a good read! Check it out!

  66. ElectricMilk426 Avatar

    I can’t relate. I’m the opposite of you in pretty much every way. However, you do you. Who gives a fuck. Enjoy yourself. Live and let live I always say

  67. KleineFjord Avatar

    Well the good news is that there’s a ton of men out there that would be willing to fulfill that for you. 

    The bad news is that there’s a ton of men out there that would be willing to fulfill that for you. 

  68. kerusmus5301 Avatar

    What your Americans’ problem is, you are not okay with bedroom bordered, consensual power-play kinks but you are okay with eating each others asshole like it’s fudge.

  69. bigsadsnail Avatar

    What you think of to get off is between you and yourself babe. As long as it doesn’t invole minors you’re fine. Racism can have really complicated effects on one’s self. Sometimes that internalized stuff manifests as a kink. I’m not sure exactly why. But from a psychological standpoint I think it’s just another way your subconscious mind deals with the stress that racism puts on you.

  70. BoNiTaCoS Avatar

    Well you can turn that kink into a reality because, even though they hate to admit it, a lot of racist white men would actually fuck a black girl. Just don’t expect any type of love out of the situation tho..

  71. randec56565656 Avatar

    I’ve had a LOT of women ask me to say the most awful shit I could think of to them. Choke them, spit on them, call them a whore and a slut, slap them, etc.

    It’s a lot more common than you’d think.

    You’re not weird or abnormal. IME women that like being dominated and degraded are more common than those that don’t.

  72. Substantial_Lab1438 Avatar

    I use to work with a white male/black female couple 

    First I found out she had a kind of exhibitionist fetish when he admitted that she was making him tell me every graphic detail of their sex life (he was normally a pretty shy dude, and you could tell it made him feel a little awkward)

    Then I learned about her race play fetish

    Dude was almost in tears telling me how she liked him to tie her up, whip his “slave” and use the hard r

  73. hawkeye18 Avatar

    Race kink is… pretty common. You like being called those things because it’s wrong, and kinks pretty much revolve around being wrong. Raceplay, petplay, ABDL, ageplay, none of it is anything resembling acceptable in normal society, but in the bedroom it’s just there to help you get your rocks off.

    The things you think/do during sex and in normal everyday life are very different, and it’s completely ok.

    That said, you will not find a shortage of people here that would like to indulge your kink lol

  74. KausthetaNK Avatar

    In a world where kinks like golden shower exists, I think you’re good !

  75. Large-Ad-3896 Avatar

    Hard R (did that make you horny)

  76. girasolpr Avatar

    I am positive you can find a subreddit on race play and interact within your kink community! Like is short, enjoy your pleasures

  77. freeshavocadew Avatar

    The last woman I was with is mixed and extremely submissive. She called my Daddy, and then master when we played together. I asked if she saw the implication of my being a white man and calling master. She hadn’t but we both liked dirty talk and we got descriptive and bordered on race play though she wasn’t comfortable with the epithets. Instead it was descriptions like “fuck this black slut throat with your fat white dick” and such. She would cum and squirt when I combined the mild race play with face fucking.

    She was a good girl, talented and sweet, I hope whomever she’s seeing these days appreciates her and her training.

    I’m unlikely to ever get that again but a man can fantasize lol

  78. TheyluvRik24 Avatar

    Lol so the op is basically fantasizing about bed wench??? Wouldn’t be surprised if your very active on twitter too

  79. Phantom_Phantasy Avatar

    Y’know, maybe it’s because I’ve been on the internet for so long but this feels like a relatively tame fetish to have.

    Unconventional and potentially dangerous if not navigated properly, sure, but at least it’s not a piss fetish.

  80. cherrypinkart Avatar

    same 😮‍💨, ive just chosen to keep it forever secret

  81. ExtremelyFilthyWhore Avatar

    Maybe you should do it in real life, let them put a collar and leash on you as well, and leg irons too.

  82. PAmwm Avatar

    It’s a kink don’t be ashamed. The psychology is that you want to be a sexual object, you want to be so desired that even someone that hates you wants you. It’s similar to people that have a “rape kink” they don’t actually want to be raped. It’s just a kink we all have them.

  83. A-namethatsavailable Avatar

    So.. you fetishizing white men is racist, but so is them calling you slurs. So it cancels itself out.

    Hope that helps.

  84. SenpaiSama Avatar

    You’re not alone.

    Just research the kink thoroughly, go on forums and speak first to other black women with this fetish- NOT the men chasing it. That way you will know how to keep yourself safe with other sane, consensual people and things to look out for.

    In the end it is your body and your sex life. Unless anyone is being genuinely harmed, there is NO HARM in having this fetish.

    Lastly, just be aware that this type of fetish CAN result from trauma, and low self-esteem and it’s worth picking at with a sexuologist if makes you very uncomfortable and not able to accept this of yourself.

  85. snoogiedoo Avatar

    I had an ex who liked this. I wouldn’t do it and I kind of made her feel bad about it. I’m pretty open minded but this is a line in the sand kinda thing. I don’t even use it when I’m rapping along in the car so the bedroom… no way

  86. OGxLO Avatar

    As a man that is mostly white and only Asian enough to get picked on by my friends, I “dated” a black woman that wanted me to call her such slurs. While my incredibly dark sense of humor and wild looseness of the mouth for saying terrible things may have led her on to thinking I would be okay with it, I was honestly shocked and I immediately become soft inside of her when she began calling me “massa” asking how I liked “this n**** pussy.”
    It went against everything that she portrayed herself as: a strong, independent and proud black woman.

    I promptly had her leave my place and proceeded to remove her from my life.

  87. s00perguy Avatar

    It’s a humiliation kink. obviously you don’t want to talk about it with someone who’s all juiced up about racial issues, but it’s overall harmless. Besides, the inverse exists in the BNWO kink. As long as it doesn’t involve actual racial oppression, no one should give you shit for being kinky

  88. Significant-Chest825 Avatar

    Read Women on Top by Nancy Friday – there are so many different fantasies in there and at the end of the day – it’s a fantasy – don’t be so hard on yourself

  89. 1984Eviemoo Avatar

    Baby girl!!! If you had two different colour cups and put water into both of them DOES THE WATER CHANGE COLOUR?? No sweetheart!! What I’m saying is, racism is in the PAST we ALL HAVE THE SAME COLOURED SOULS!!! Xxxxxx

  90. Alternative_Juice649 Avatar

    There’s worse kinks out there

  91. Studentdriver159 Avatar

    Therapy girl…..

  92. StrongDepartment1419 Avatar

    There are way worse things people do in the comfort of their own homes lol. I’m sorry it makes you feel bad but you’re fine. Personally if a woman asked me to do that idk what I’d do. I’d have to be super comfortable with someone before they sprang that out on me lol.