So, I’m currently in college where I met and befriended Kim (fake name). We became friends about 1 year ago and got along pretty well for the most part. It went downhill this year, when I experienced very serious issues in my personal life, such as my mom maybe having cancer (she didn’t, thank God). As a result of this, I was stressed and unable to always be happy and social. This escalated when we were Teaching Assistants for a subject together. We managed to solve it at the time, though some underlying tension remained. Fast forward to last week, things derailed completely. Due to certain scheduling issues I suggested to drop a session, which she misunderstood and thought I meant I didn’t want to have the session. I’m not going to repeat the exact wording but she basically told me she was going to have a session anyhow and if I wanted join I could tell her and she would inform me when she had scheduled the decision for. I explained that she had misunderstood, I did want to do the session but just couldn’t figure out when to schedule it and also that I was really hurt with the way she worded her message, because I felt cut out. She left me on read for a week, no reply whatsoever.
This week, she approached me with the offer to talk but I was unable due to an appointment. I offered us to talk later in the week, to which she agreed. The day before we would talk, something happened that traumatized me and it still hadn’t really sunk in the next day. I was hesitant to go to school, but decided to give it a shot. I texted Kim to let her know I was unable to have the talk due to what had happened the previous day, as my mental state was definitely not up to it. She left me on read. At school, some classmates and a teacher made fun of what had happened to me so I was already very much not okay. Kim approached me, insisting we talk even though I told her multiple times I was really not feeling up to it, that I was not okay. She refused to listen and wouldn’t move until I talked to her. During our talk, she said she had read my message but didn’t want to wait anymore because she had been unable to sleep because of our conversation from the previous week so we had to talk now. I explained her ignoring me had been very hurtful, to which she explained she felt it would be better to have our conversation face-to-face. I said I understood but would have appreciated a text informing me of that. Kim said she hadn’t done so because sending me a text like that felt like a personal attack to her, so she didn’t. At this point, my emotions were going haywire and I could my body going numb in a way that means I’m not breathing properly. I told Kim that I did not want to continue our friendship, which she agreed with it. I turned around but before I could leave, Kim said that even with all that had happened, she still wished me the best of luck with everything. I think replied something like “you too” and the moment she went away, I crashed both physically and mentally, the world literally went black. Two classmates found me, helped me calm down and sent me home.
I feel like this conversation went wrong in many ways and I’ve been wondering if I could/should have handled things differently. Was I being selfish for not wanting to have the talk that day? I’m also worried about interacting with her after this. She expects a professional attitude from me, which I don’t think I’m able to have because all I feel right now is hostility. Should I try to have another talk with her, should I just ignore her?
TLDR: friend I was fighting with insisted on having a talk (after ignoring me about this same issue for a week with no explanation) I had requested not to have because I was dealing with trauma, talk didn’t go well and I don’t know if I was in the wrong.