Okay, fair warning. This confession can be potentially upsetting, and disturbing. Reader discretion advised.
Well, I don’t know how I’ve let myself take a dark turn some time ago. I legitimately almost got jailed, and if it weren’t for my luck, I likely wouldn’t have been able to confess on what I’ve done.
Ever since I started elementary, I just failed to fit in with others. To clarify, I suffer from a mental disorder that caused me to act out and explode with anger at times, taking everything out on my classmates. Eventually, I was moved to individual teaching during the first half of my 3rd grade, and it lasted until the end of the 4th grade. I can’t recall much from it, and I don’t want to take up much time with it.
When I returned to my class in 5th grade, I didn’t really improve, and faced more ostracism from my classmates and the others. People were afraid of me, and I couldn’t really do much about it. I was a bully, acting out and threatening people, though I happened to be calmer most of the time, compared to grades 1-3. Through out grades 5-6, I still was somewhat aggressive, messing around recklessly and stuff.
After changing schools in 7th grade, I’ve met some new people, and mutual friends. My dumb early teen self thought that it’d be a good time to show off, and seek some attention by acting up some more, trying to be gangster and sh-t. There was a student, who happened to be an orphan. They kept looking at me, and I must have happened to take it as some sort of aggression (I hated when people used to give me random looks, though I got used to it by now), so I kept taunting them, trying to show the others that I’m not one to be messed with. It got so bad one time, that I was threatened with police. It was the first time, yet not the last (which I’ll come to in a bit) that I got in trouble.
Eventually, the lockdown happened, and something broke in me. It was March 2020, when the first virus case was detected in my country. I became severely depressed, and attempted suicide for the first time, by hanging on a pair of earphones. I will never forget the time that my own mother was laughing at me when I tried to, but she turned her laughters into genuine insults towards me.
After all, I stopped the bullying, and tried to earn my reputation back by still acting gangster, yet without getting physical as much. I became a laughing stock, and became the victim. Eventually after starting high school, I still tried to become respected. As a freshman, I was taunting people, trying to awkawrdly hit on the older guys girlfriends, and almost got my ass beaten, before my colleagues made me apologize. I genuinely feel sorry for G, one of the guys who I talked smack to, he seemed like a cool dude. I had another confrontation with him in my Junior year, when I tried to hit on his younger sister (I didn’t even know he had a sister). I legitimately thought he was going to kill me, but I talked it out in a somewhat much more civilized way than I would in my Freshman year.
And now, we’re starting to go towards the interesting part, the incident that I was almost locked up for. Being a gullible bumpkin, some older dudes thought of me as a patsy, and wanted me to hang out with them. Being that bumpkin, I joined them and hanged out with them. Trying to impress them, I started doing crazier sh-t, drinking at the park, joking about sleeping with some teachers etc. But one thing, was an ultimate backstab from them.
In my Sophomore/Junior years, I had an unhealthy obsession with shooters (don’t worry, it ended), and sometimes thought about becoming one in my school. I of course bragged about it to the guys, who came up with the amazing f-cking plan to lace my drink and make me write a threat here, on Reddit. I don’t know what they even put in there, but I felt more awakened than ever. They encourage me to write, so I did. I even had that little “rant” saved on my drive for some reason, but after reading it and cringing at it, I ultimately removed it. But I didn’t think it through when I was high, because I couldn’t, and posted the manifesto online. Boy, that was a huge f-cking mistake.
It was a rant filled with hate, complaining about stuff like “Everyone is so cruel, I will buy a gun, I have a gun, I will shoot this person, and this person, and blah blah”. F-cking irresponsible. But hey, I wasn’t thinking straight, okay? And I completely forgot about it, until about 2 months later, when the local FBI counterpart knocked on the apartment door. Much to my father’s surprise, they questioned him and called me in. I then immediately recalled my rant, and I tried to cover it up, but they had all the stuff on me, so I just had to admit to it. I legitimately thought that my father would choke me to death afterwards, if not, I would be jailed, but luckily I was let off with a warning. It was November 2023, I was 16 at the time, and after the incident, I’ve decided to finally cut ties with them.
They still saw me in the hallway, and would taunt me some more, until they finally graduated (they were two grades higher, and we have 4/5 grades of HS in my education system) last year. After that, I tried to improve my relationships with my classmates, and find new friends, including G’s sister, A, and my current best buddy K. I used to have another best buddy, B, who started drinking and smoking, so I dumped him as well. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he is taking drugs as well.
But how is it now? Better. Much better. My obsession went away, and ended up befriending K, whom I would spend the breaks with, or sometimes sit alone behind the school. I also found a love interest, but I’m too dang scared to make a first move, save for greeting her when we pass each other. I turned 18 just yesterday, and I feel proud of myself for digging myself out of the deep sh-t.
On the internet though, I promised to be more careful, and watch what I post and watch. I don’t know if I’m still on probation, or if the FBI was watching, because I recently received a message from Google after a long time, who could finally tell me about the legal action against me. Everything turned out okay, and the investigation or something stopped. I don’t know if the guys from the FBI who were at my house see this, but I would like to thank them for pulling me away from this unhealthy obsession.
I keep remaining careful on the web, though that didn’t stop me from stumbling upon some terrible content (my friend sent “a video with kids” in a group chat), which really traumatized me. I always thought that even looking at this content was already illegal, and I had a panic attack. Maybe I’ll write about it in the future, cause that’s a story for some other time.
Hopefully this post won’t be filtered, or better yet reported again, because the damage was already done. I truly feel sorry for everything, I feel so damn ashamed.
TL:DR; A lack of popularity caused me to get into bad companionship, and they drugged me and made me post some threats that almost got me locked up.