Anyone else realized they “wasted” their teens/20s because they were afraid of everything?

r/

As the title says.

Living in the moment on concerts. Talking to a member of opposite sex. At the time it seemed as it was, but nowdays I realize I had so much blockage. All of it was fear. How common is that?

Edit: It seems a lot of people are misunderstanding my post. I did a lot of things that are fearless on surface, like traveling alone, competing in full contact martial arts, etc. But with recent inner discoveries I realized that I was very afraid of living. No regrets, just saying

Comments

  1. Disappointment_Slime Avatar

    On reddit probably fairly common. I have some regret from not doing certain things out of fear/”laziness” as well.

  2. Southern-Help-4859 Avatar
  3. Alive_Thanks_ Avatar

    Unfortunately I am still living in that fear I’ve been trying really hard to overcome some of it but I’m still afraid

  4. Due-Test4553 Avatar

    I don’t know if I should lose my adolescence, but I always felt that I was burdened with responsibilities at an early age and that meant that I couldn’t do normal teenage things like go to a lot of parties, vacations with friends and things like that…

  5. Sirtoshi Avatar

    Very much how I feel, too. I regret not being more adventurous, seeking more opportunities, etc.

  6. AdFabulous3959 Avatar

    No.. I wasted my 20s because I was drunk…

  7. Toodswiger Avatar

    I’m almost 30 and I no longer have those fears. I do remember being afraid of a lot of things in my teens to early 20’s. Eating out, going on vacations, meeting new people, and other things alone sounded so scary. After 25 it gets way easier. I don’t think I “wasted” those years, but I’m happy the fears aren’t consuming me anymore. Do I get nervous? Still do, but I get past it much better.

  8. rexmanly Avatar

    Oh absoLUTEly.

    Anxiety & shyness played their parts, sure, but the church shackled me more than anything. Fuck religious indoctrination of kids!

  9. xiaorobear Avatar

    On the one hand, it’s extremely common. On the other, there are probably as many people on the opposite end, who spent their teens / 20s partying, going to concerts, engaging in risky behavior, etc., who now are 30 with tinnitus and recovering from addiction and thinking they wasted their 20s, wishing they’d read warning labels, worn earplugs, and stayed in a bit more.

    It is a part of life that we’re constantly presented with choices, and then can spend the rest of life wondering what life would be like if we picked the other option. But, it’s important to keep focusing on the future and not the past except to learn from it. If you ask a 30 year old what they would have done differently if they were 20 again, sure they’ll have a list of things. But that’s the wrong question for a 30-year-old to ask, instead ask a 40 year old what they would do if they could be 30 again, or a 50 year old what they would do if they were 40 again. Better to spend your 30s living your current dreams or setting yourself up for your dream future, than to spend your 30s thinking about how you could have lived your 20s differently. You’ll end up 40 either way.

  10. PlsFartInMyFace Avatar

    Yes. Fear has ran and continues to run my life. I have passed very little of the milestones one should have by 33. My therapist is my age and he has a wife, house, his own practice and kids. I’ve about had enough of this sham existence.

  11. axoloteDeAccion Avatar

    yeah. sometimes it goes well into your 30s

  12. Uskardx42 Avatar

    Just your teens and 20s?

    Amateur.

    Talk to me in another 20 years.

    Lol

  13. carbon_blob_Sector7G Avatar

    I wasted that time bc I was scared of rejection and being mocked. I was I had the confidence at that I have now. But it always a learning process,isn’t it?

  14. mercurius5 Avatar

    Yeah, and my 30s, and almost half my 40s.

  15. Correct-Sprinkles-21 Avatar

    I definitely feel that way. Didn’t really start living until I was in my thirties.

    The good news is, you can start living any time you choose to. I’ve been to more concerns in the last 2 years than I did in the 40 years before. Having a blast.

  16. StoneSnipeSteve Avatar

    depression & anxiety stole my 20s and so far it hasn’t been better in my 30s

  17. Temporary-Pin-320 Avatar

    Still wasting time.. still afraid of everything.

    Stop it

  18. J_Lindback Avatar

    I could not have said it better myself! One of my biggest regrets in life is being afraid of everything. Unfortunately I was suffering from social phobia and panic disorder, and didn’t really understand I needed help and that it could be treated.

    You’re not alone! If there is anything I wish to change in my life then it would be being more daring during my teenage years. Today I look back on them with sadness.

  19. Mullinore Avatar

    Yes. Youth is wasted on the young.

  20. BatmanBrah Avatar

    The only thing more depressing than wasting your teens and 20s is wasting your teens and 20s and 30s or teens and 20s and 30s and 40s and so on and so on. Some people waste their entire lives. Many in fact. 

  21. TheGreatGoatQueen Avatar

    I’m in my 20s now and I have panic attacks all the time because I feel like I’m wasting my youth.

    There is always more I could be doing. More I could be trying. More fun things. More hard work things. More time that could spent with family. More time that could be spent with my boyfriend. More hobbies that I could try. More people I could meet. More time I could spend with the friends I already have.

    I’m the kind of person who is always trying to put themselves out there and try new things, but then I feel like I’m missing out on getting really into a few things. But when I try to focus on a few things I feel like I’m missing out on trying a bunch of new things.

    It’s impossible to know what is a “waste of time” and what is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. Is “living in the moment” packing my life with so many new experiences I can barely relax? Or is it working my ass off to create amazing art? Or is it smoking weed and cuddling with my boyfriend all day long?

  22. Charming-Start Avatar

    Quite the opposite. I’m surprised I didn’t go to jail or die. 😆

  23. nawtusing Avatar

    I’m 15 but I still kinda feel this way, my anxiety and depression stopped me from doing things I love for so long, always worried that I was weird and cringe, trying to take up less space, and honestly? Sometimes it’s still like that, but I got on meds and moved to a better school and now I feel a lot more confident,

    I’m probably not the best person to be saying this because of my age, but it’s never too late to have fun, we need more cool middle aged people who didn’t loose their spark after getting a boring job ir their degree. go to those concerts (if you can ik ticket prices are through the roof 😭)!! Talk to that girl (don’t be a creep)!! HAVE FUN!!!!!

  24. Gembluesnow Avatar

    Some of the people I know might not think of that of me. Or do not think it’s even remotely true. But honestly? I think like his every day. Especially when I’m a few years from approaching 30.

    It only took me now as a person in my mid 20s to reflect and realized that I may have been diagnosed with something. But I never got that addressed in my teen years or childhood. And knowing this now, probably could explain the struggles I often got to.

    • Never got into nightclubs, because I never had a boyfriend. So I never got dating experience, and never got the chance to actually properly socialise and talk to guys.

    • Never got a proper ‘Job’ experience as a kid and early 20s. But I either did not understand what was going on, and ‘Just wasn’t ready’

    • Never got to make art commissions as a side hobby like some artists could have already done since they were teens. Because I didn’t know how to do it, thought my art wasn’t ready or good enough yet. I keep thinking if I started selling my art earlier in life, then maybe I would have been a bit more known by now.

    But in general. I feel you. I feel like I missed out a chunk of opportunities just because I didn’t have the right mind or amount of confidence. And it sometimes hurts me from time to time. It’s going to take me a while to get over it for sure.

  25. Delicious_Gene_5985 Avatar

    I love getting older, every year I become more confident and comfortable in myself. I no longer care so much about what others think of me, it’s very freeing.

  26. AriasK Avatar

    Nope. The one upside to my severe ADHD. If I want to do something, I do it. I don’t even take a second to think about it.

  27. RelChan2_0 Avatar

    Nope. I was struggling during my teens because my dad was diagnosed with cancer, my 20s were mid because I was working a job where I wasn’t making that much because I didn’t have that much experience.

  28. Educational-Edge1908 Avatar

    Nope. Wasted mine in the army doing dumb stuff around the world

  29. LovesickInTheHead Avatar

    Sometimes, but I’m also not that kind of person. I’m happy with who I am and how my life came to be.

  30. Unusual-Ear5013 Avatar

    Yes My family went through a lot and I ended feeling responsible for them being safe and secure so I did what I was told to til I was 33 when I guess I did what I wanted .. and haven’t looked back since .

  31. LegitimateSale987 Avatar

    I wasn’t afraid of everything, but I was desperately insecure. I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self that “you’re not as bad as you think you are.”

  32. Sir_Binky Avatar

    Don’t say wasted. Sounds like you’re looking back and regretting what you did. Which means you’re now wasting the present. Look forwards and make the most of now. Or you’ll be making the same post again in 10 years saying I wasted my 30’s.

  33. Prestanovich42 Avatar

    I didnt do muxh in my 20’s but i managed to get a job, make some friends. My suggestion, if you feel up for trying, is to make a frie d with an extroverted person, feed off the energy they have, and you will become(hopefully) a more confident person, a d willi g to do more than just waste time at home

  34. Sea_Freedom3255 Avatar

    There is no right way to live your twenties, either you live it up and go into your 30s under qualified or you knuckle down and go into your thirties underlived.

  35. Assist-Fearless Avatar

    I never had friends or went out I’m a vanilla person.

  36. TwilightFate Avatar

    I’m still in my twenties and I have the fear. The intense FOMO. I feel like I should be doing and experiencing much more… rather than letting time just pass and being at home in my comfort zone… I want to get better. Less sad. Less depressed. More happy.

  37. tolgren Avatar

    My 30s too.

  38. Nikimaika Avatar

    regret is part of life. the only thing you can do now is think about all the “what ifs” in you

  39. JohnTomorrow Avatar

    Yeah. I spent a lot of my prime years “playing it safe”. It was drilled into me to get a job, a house and a wife. So I did.

    Then I had a nervous breakdown, because I wasn’t happy. I was told once I got all those things, I’d be happy. And I was not happy.

    After separating from my ex, her taking the house and basically all my money, I had to start again. The first thing I did was travel. And boy howdy, was that an experience. Completely out of my comfort zone, having to learn how to survive all over again…but it taught me how to live without fear.

    After a few years trying some new things, I found a new lady, and she’s become my wife.

    I’ll be 40 this year. In the last 12 years, I’ve experienced more than I had in my 20s.

    Did I wish I’d done more when I was younger? Yeah. Doing things now is a little harder, because all the aches and pains are starting to set in. But I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and still experiencing new things.

    You’ve always got time. Life doesn’t end at 30.

  40. Dan0048 Avatar

    For a while I thought they were wasted years, but I learned from that time what I liked and didn’t like.

    I was able to build the foundations that I have now in my 40s.

  41. cez801 Avatar

    No. I said yes to everything that was legal. ( and a couple of things that were slightly illegal- like skinny dipping in a pool that was close because it was midnight ).

    Learn from this. Fear is important, but only apply it to the big things ( fear of getting arrested, fear of hitting the
    ground attempting to BASE jump, fear of getting kidnapped ).

    Small fear, like fear of what people think, fear of ‘I might not have a good time’ – don’t let that fear stop you.

    To quote Nelson Mandela. I never lose, I either win or learn.
    Become someone who learns and only fears missing a chance to learn something.

  42. LumpyReplacement1436 Avatar

    I don’t think so, I enjoyed mine.

  43. Simple_Anteater_5825 Avatar

    More like lack of priorities, but it’s always 20//20

    Some actually had a plan and stuck to it

  44. messingmuse Avatar

    I’ve made peace with it. I actually don’t like concerts, too much people with their phones and and people who don’t know how to behave. Loneliness and lack of romantic and/or sexual partners? I’m sure I’ll enjoy those kinds of relationships more when I’m not in this much of a war with myself. This is my story and my life, comparing it with a model of what should be is useless. Especially when that comparison piece is usually compiled of people’s personal highlights – also in the literal sense that people only brag/post/talk about their life highlights. If you witness people’s lives on a surface level, following their instagram or exchanging “how are you’s” with someone, you mostly talk about the peaks in your life, but if we compared our daily lives from hour to hour, most of them are quite similarly dull.

    In a way it’s a coping method, to accept that this lifestyle of being afraid of being turned down, facing uncomfortable situations etc. But on other hand I want to believe I’ve dodged a few bullets by playing it safe. Especially for someone who’s a bit sensitive, like I am, I think in some cases it might be better to stay in and figure your own life out a bit. Heartbreaks and disappointments will come my way and I don’t think the one night stands or concerts I could enjoy are worth the sea of jerks I’d need to crawl haha

  45. Martin_04010 Avatar

    Bro my teens. Not my 20s though doing well for myself.

  46. revtim Avatar

    Same with me

  47. Planet_842 Avatar

    I’m 21 almost 22 and that’s me rn, wasted my years in uni. I never talked to girls, made female friends, lost my virginity, joined a club or got a part time job all due to fear and laziness and I messed up because uni is the last time where it’s easier to make friends/talk to girls, lose your virginity naturally and develop yourself physically, mentally and socially and I never did that. I just know I significantly gets harder after uni so I regret never getting to enjoy my time at uni.

  48. LivingEnd44 Avatar

    I remember being really afraid of drug use as a kid.

    I’ve since tried many of the major ones. Still have no desire to do coke or heroin (the experience seems unpleasant to me). Extacy is fuсking awesome and highly recommend in moderation. Only tried it twice but would do wit again in a heartbeat if I had the opportunity. I’ve tried Adderall (which is basically legal meth). But not street meth. Adderall didn’t make me high. But did make me “normal”. I could think clearly and wasn’t tired. It’s physically addictive though so probably will not ever do it even if I can get a prescription. I do THC gummies nightly now as a sleep aid, and they are awesome. 

  49. specie099 Avatar

    I have so many regrets — second guessed myself my entire life

  50. MuddyMudtripper Avatar

    Yes.

    College years were a bore. Didn’t make friends (Attempted to but it didn’t work out), a guy made a “study date” just to obsess over my anatomy and tried making out with me (I wasn’t attracted to him), no concerts, no international backpacking trips.

    There was a good spot after I got my first job post grad. Befriended co workers and traveled, did some fun excursions.

    Now I’m 42, all of my friends are settled with children or in relationships. I’m back to where I was in my twenties…bored and alone.