This is to settle a disagreement between me and my girlfriend. At work there is this girl who is constantly flirting with me (in my (m21) girlfriend’s (f20)’s opinion). My girlfriend is upset because she says I have let this go on for a long time with doing nothing to directly stop it. I simply ignore her. Here are some examples of what she does: says she loves me at work, has massaged my neck for a few seconds, dances for me. Recently we have had a large disagreement because this girl asked me to go a club with her so she could “shake some ass” with me. I simply told her no I’m going to hang out with my girlfriend. This kind of thing has been going on for months and months. My girlfriend was mostly upset at her, but as time goes on she is also upset at me for not taking “enough of an active role” in placing boundaries and putting a stop to the flirting. Who is in the right?
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This is to settle a disagreement between me and my girlfriend. At work there is this girl who is constantly flirting with me (in my (m21) girlfriend’s (f20)’s opinion). My girlfriend is upset because she says I have let this go on for a long time with doing nothing to directly stop it. I simply ignore her. Here are some examples of what she does: says she loves me at work, has massaged my neck for a few seconds, dances for me. Recently we have had a large disagreement because this girl asked me to go a club with her so she could “shake some ass” with me. I simply told her no I’m going to hang out with my girlfriend. This kind of thing has been going on for months and months. My girlfriend was mostly upset at her, but as time goes on she is also upset at me for not taking “enough of an active role” in placing boundaries and putting a stop to the flirting. Who is in the right?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be the asshole for not taking initiative against her
I could not be the asshole because I still ignore and reject her in a way and value my girlfriends opinions and validate her endlessly and am super nice and cool towards her
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
YTA. Your GF is right. You need to stop that ASAP. This girl clearly doesn’t give a fuck that you have a girlfriend so it’s your job to tell her to simply fuck off.
YTA. You should have shut this down long ago out of respect for your relationship. Seems like you like the attention. If I were in a relationship, no man would be massaging me or any of the other studf you described.
YTA definitely. I get it, hot girl all over you at work, great for the ego but dumb for a relationship. IF you didn’t have a girlfriend already that’s fine but you do and she KNOWS it, which means she’s either dumb or trying to split you two up. Start thinking with the big head.
Your girl’s not wrong. Ignoring it ain’t the same as setting boundaries. You should’ve shut that down the first time she crossed the line. Letting it slide made space for disrespect toward your relationship. Handle it directly or it’s gonna keep being a problem.
She massages you at work? Doesn’t sound like you ignore her….
YTA
My man, wake up. Everything you described is flirting. Ignoring it isn’t enough. You have to actively tell her to stop. If she doesn’t stop then you go to HR. Her behavior is not acceptable and if you were a woman and she was a man she would have already been fired for workplace sexual harassment. Put a stop to it. Your girlfriend is correct. YTA.
“No baby, there’s nothing going on between us, she just massages me and dances for me. But it’s cool, I ignore it. Babe, why are you crying? Babe?”
YTA
Where do you work that your company allows this behavior? Massage, dancing for you (I assume in a sexy way).
I also think you enjoy it or react to it…or she would have moved on to someone else. She likes attention or is trying to get you to leave your gf.
I know you are young…but cheating can happen with people you work with. You should always shut it down. Your gf (or any future gf) shouldn’t need to tell you this.
Hmm maybe there is a handsome young man that works with your gf that wouldn’t mind giving her a massage…how would you react to that?
Honestly take it from me as I am a girl and I have a boyfriend who is too kind and doesn’t do much action tell her bluntly ignore her ass and tell her your in a relationship and she needs to respect you and your partner relationship that she can’t be acting like that to someone who is committed and that looks bad on her too not just you because you are letting it happen and not telling her off from the beginning you need to understand it because you would’ve reacted differently if the roles was reversed and your partner was doing the same what you did
Wait till you piss flirty girl at work off, she’ll turn the tables on you and accuse you of sexual harassment.
You’re def the AH here. Just admit you love the attn.
YTA. This should have been shut down a long time ago.
YTA. Imagine if a male coworker was doing this to your GF and she did not tell the guy to stop? Would you feel comfortable with this coworker doing this to you in front of your mom, grandmother, or in front of the congregation at church? This coworker is acting very unprofessional and is sexually harassing you. Shut it down or lose your GF.
YTA. I hope this is a joke. Your gf deserves so much better
Bruh
If a male co-worker told you, “Hey, you strike me as a person of low character who doesn’t mind if I blatantly disrespect you and your primary relationship for my own amusement. Something tells me you might be a cheater, too,” you’d think those are fightin’ words.
That female co-worker is saying the same thing. And you’re letting her, so she might be right. YTA.
I feel like your gf should fight you cause Ik I would shank my bf if he didn’t milky rock that bishh
YTA – you sound like you think this is just whatever but you’re being dumb. You should’ve addressed this RIGHT AWAY. Let’s say you go to HR now. Female coworker could spin it against you and claim you always flirted back so she thought you were interested. You don’t have any proof or record of ever telling her you would like her to stop. You never told her to stop so she could say it was mutual, you’re only reporting her now to be vindictive. You don’t have any other choice – you still need to go to HR but next time, don’t be this naive.
YTA Sorry but you are not putting stop to that attention from her and the fact that you are allowing her to massage you is ridiculous. This person will be taking that as a thing. If you had any respect for your partner you’d either end it you are attracted to the work girl or even her advances or tell her to back the fuck off and report her to your manager/HR if your partner really means that much to you. Please believe me who had been manipulated in the past by female advances to my partner and it them being happy with said advances and lying to me. It was horrible, please if you are happy in your relationship then don’t risk it for that flirty ‘inappropriate’ person you work with.
imo she doing it because she knows you have a gf. Perhaps she has a crush or perhaps just wants to see how you react.
YTA, why are you allowing this to happen? why are you allowing them to feel comfortable behaving like this toward you?
Time to break up with gf and settle for work girl, methinks – if you loved and respected your gf, you’d have stopped work girl long time ago.
YTA, big A!
>massaged my neck for a few seconds
allowing that is not really making your intentions clear. when subside touches you and your don’t want that then say so.
YTA. If that hot girl does that over and over again, she will catch you; your girl knows this better than anyone. The best way to avoid cheating is to avoid the temptation and only have to fight it when absolutely necessary. You live with the temptation and fight it every day; one day, it will win unless you kill it.
YTA. Set boundaries. Put the shoe on the other foot. Would it be okay for a guy to act like this towards your gf and she do nothing to stop it, just ignore it?
Just keep dropping comments about how amazing your girlfriend is and how much you love her.
She will resort to direct measures or take the hint, either way it’s comedy.
YTA. Your girl deserves better. I couldn’t imagine letting someone disrespect my relationship like that.
Yta.
As I started reading the post, I was ready to give you the benefit of the doubt, but man, her flirting isn’t innocent, it’s a full blown mating call. You really need to tell directly and firmly that you aren’t interested. YTA
You are disrespecting your girlfriend and your relationship by allowing this girl to continue to throw herself at you.
Tell her to stop these unwanted advances or you’ll go to your company’s HR.
Ask yourself if ur gf had the same situation with a guy at work, would you be ok with it if she said, I’m helpless because he keeps dancing for me & massaging me even after I told him I have a bf. So I guess in her case, you would assume telling him she had a bf was her only option to stop him from massaging & dancing for her & move on since there’s nothing else she could do. 😂
YTA!!! Another woman is massaging your neck and dancing for you and you don’t put a stop to it?! Your girlfriend should run!
Yo wtf. Yta. No explanation needed.
YTA – this is sexual harassment. The fact that you’re letting it go on says you like the attention.
Oof. I hope your gf leaves you lol. If you’re seeing this: GIRL RUN
LMFAOOOO no comments on the “asking for advice” post cause he got so cooked 💀
Yeah bro you’re legit stupid af for this one lmao. How does massaging at work even come up like what lmaoooo YTA
Info, what solutions has your GF suggested.
Everyone hear is very quick to think the worst of this girl at work. However you’re all quite young and finding your way still, in life sometimes its the more the merrier, imho you and your GF should set about being Cupid for this poor hot mess of a girl, by taking positive action and setting up a few blind dates you could end up with some life long friends here.
YTA – Letting another woman put her hands on you while you have a girlfriend is mad disrespectful to your girlfriend. Why did you allow this?
You need to put some firm boundaries in place with your co-worker. That shit is unacceptable. Your girlfriend has every right to be upset with you.
YTA. In my opinion, you aren’t ignoring. If you’re letting her touch you and watching her dance, you’re encouraging her quietly. If that’s the case, you like the attention or you are playing a game. Possibly keeping the co-worker around as an option if things don’t work with your girlfriend. Or entertaining the co-worker as a possibility while not (yet) risking the chance because you are unsure your girlfriend would stay if you cheated because you like the emotional security of the relationship with your girlfriend. I think if most people were friends with your girlfriend and she told them this story, they would tell her to cut her losses with you and move on..
Yes you’re letting the girl flirt with you
This is not flirting, it’s harassment.
YTA. You’ve obviously been entertaining this. You’ve shown 0 respect for your partner.
If my partner had allowed this behaviour to continue they’d no longer be my partner.
Every time you let this girl flirt with you without putting a stop to it, you have essentially stated that you have no respect for your relationship.
Yta and she should dump you. You let some girl massage you when you have a girlfriend? Have you ever put yourself in her place or are you too busy paying attention to the other person?
YTA considering you only said it was in your gf’s opinion. It IS flirting. She is disrespecting your relationship and you look like you enjoy it. If you don’t, step the fuck up and put a stop to it.