We’ve been together for 9 years and have been through thick and thin. Our baby is 7 months old and has definitely not been the easiest to handle. Unfortunately my wife is the only one that watches him all day while I work 5 days a week.
Yes I do my part during the hours im off including overnights and especially the weekends with him and house work. He cries all day and we’ve done everything we can think of. Some days she gets so fed up she can’t wait to hand him off to me but then she gets angry at me too for no reason. I look forward all day to seeing them but she’s always so moody with me now that it ruins my day.
I’m doing everything I can to help out. What else can I do to help? TL;DR new baby is causing my wife to hate me but I’m helping as much as I can.
Comments
Let me think of two reasons;
Exhaustion makes people very irritable and makes it extremely difficult to regulate your emotions. That, combined with probably a little bit of jealousy over the fact that you get to escape during the workday, whereas this is her life 24/7 makes for a tough combo.
She needs more of a break, frankly. Can you afford a babysitter (even for just a few hours a week) so she can just focus on a bit of self-care (e.g., going for a long walk alone, having lunch with friends, napping)?
ETA: for God’s sake, do not make her do all the work to secure a babysitter. This is something you do for her. Yes, even if she’s being a grump.
It’s likely that you aren’t really doing anything [edit to clarify what I mean – OP hasn’t done anything wrong]. My guess is that she may be getting resentful of being stuck home alone all day with a baby who cries endlessly (i.e. jealous that you get to leave). That would mess anyone up.
She needs a break. Is there anyone who can take the babe for a couple of hours during the day? Can you put him in daycare half time? or SOMETHING.
So you’re asking why your wife is overstimulated and at a breaking point after tell us she is with a screening baby 10 hours a day?
Take your baby and give that woman a break! Without complaining! Wouldn’t you be mad?
Lower your expectations and be the nice one.
She’s doing basically the hardest thing people do. Even if you’re doing everything you can, she’s still bearing the heavier side of it and is probably just over her limit. She shouldn’t turn on you, absolutely. But it isn’t always pretty when people go past their limits, and people who have done nothing wrong often end up as collateral damage.
It’s probably most productive to focus on finding outside help for your wife to get her some breathing room. Daycare, baby sitters, family, friends… any way you can try to lighten the overall load.
Consult your pediatrician for baby’s fussiness. Your wife could get assessed for post partum depression as well. Can you get a house cleaning service? Or someone to help with the baby a few hours?
You also need a break other than work.
I don’t think it’s something that you have done but rather the circumstances that you guys find yourself in at the moment. It’s hard with sleep deprivation, the hormones after giving birth, changes to your lifestyle and being stuck at home alone with a crying baby. She may need help with her mental health but you have said she come from a back ground that doesn’t really believe in it so it’s gonna be difficult since she won’t ask for help. If it gets serious enough that you are worried about her then you will need to step in and get help for her if you are worried about her safety or the baby’s.
Does she have any family that can come visit and help out? Or any family of yours that she gets along with that can help? It’s hard because as a mother you feel like you should manage and know what to do but it can be overwhelming. You can also feel constantly judged (why’s your baby always crying?, why’s your house a mess? Why can’t you managed like everyone else?) even when that isn’t the case. It can be difficult if your baby’s is colicky, has reflux or any other health issue so just check and make sure that the baby’s fine. It might be a thing of getting though it one day at a time as it gets easier in some ways when the baby is older. Look into baby wearing if the baby is fussy so you can have a hands free way of getting things done around the house. The days can be hard but going outside especially now the weather is better would be a good idea and look into baby and toddler classes so she can go out and meet other parents so she’s meeting other adults and have someone to talk to. Don’t take it too personally as you are in one of the hardest stages and it’s not easy being a SAHM but I understand that what you have to do isn’t easy either but you do get a break from the baby and get an opportunity to talk with other adults and be who you were before having a baby.
Try and get some family or friends to help. Get some medical help if needed.