First time we ever had sex, the condom fell off while I was inside her and I had to dig in there with my fingers to take it out. We kinda just laughed it off. Somehow she decided I was still worth being with and here we are 5 years later lol
I was sexting with a man and he sent me a dick picture but something must have been seriously wrong with his dick. It was the most grotesque thing I’ve ever seen. It looked like he was bleeding from his foreskin. Anyway, that killed the mood real quick.
She told me “i feel sorry for you” when i was going down on her. To be fair, i took it the wrong way and left.
We broke up later that week. It was the right thing for us but i was still probably too drunk to understand what she meant.
In my defense, i enjoy that 🤷♂️
Oh. On the other end of the spectrum…the girl that is now my wife and mother of my kids…she was concerned she was pregnant so we went to Walgreens together and got two pregnancy tests. When they both came back negative, we celebrated by boning.
we overheard our neighbor outside, tinkering with his lawnmower in the yard. Suddenly, he let out an enormous fart and, in a thick pirate accent, says, “arr me guts be a firin”. We couldn’t stop laughing.
My ex did a “neck fart”, lol. I was fuckin her on the couch, we were both baked and she made accidentally made a fart noise with her neck and collarbone. Funniest shit ever there’s no way we were getting back to the serious bit
The stuff she was saying felt like it was ripped straight from a porno script. I ended up giggling cuz she said smth silly, and she cried. I felt bad 🙁
Me and an ex got hot and heavy one night, neither of us could wait so we just decided to go to pound town right away….could not get it in…was like wtf is wrong here, we tried a couple more times…turns out she was on her period, I didnt know that, she had a tampon in, she forgot she had one, and I never looked to even see. Had a good few minutes of laughing and then boned 🤣
I have a weird sense of humour so when I queefed I said something like “ooo when she’s angry she breathes fire”
I started laughing- ruined the mood. No going back
I was going to hookup for the first time with this girl that ended up being my fwb and was feeling congested so I took a sudafed which messed with my erection. Thankfully she was understanding and gave me another shot but I had to step it up the next time to make up for it.
He shoved my head down after I was getting off his dick to throw up (I do that a lot) and I ended up gagging on his dick and it was pure stomach acid….if that wasn’t bad enough he said and I quote “that’s a little spicy” I was mortified 💀
A spray of gunfire outside. One of the neighbors thought they saw a coyote. After scrambling to put clothes on and then going outside (her armed, since we were at her place and I neglected to bring my Shield to a dinner date) talking to the neighbors, neither of us were prepared to continue.
For some reason the ISIS video where they put the Jordanian pilot in a cage and burned him to death popped in my head mid-thrust. There was no recovering. I had to explain to my wife what happened. She was just glad the thought didn’t make me harder.
Bedside lamp with no bulb in it was accidentally left switched on.
Some… fluid… landed on the electrical contacts and started a small fire.
In itself not too bad, but it left my girlfriend’s house absolutely stinking of burned spunk, so we had to abandon any further activities to open every window and try to clear the stench before her mum got home.
I was going down on my man and he came so hard he farted in my face essentially. It was rank if I’m being honest. Thankfully, my phone rang in that moment and it was important, so I took the call and when I came back I pretended I forgot, as if I wasn’t still trying not to gag.
Hooked up with a girl I met at a bar and the second my penis entered her vagina she farted. Loudly. And then with every thrust she farted. After like 10 pumps / farts I stopped to look at her. She said, “yeah, it does that”.
Falling off the bed/couch, or having to take a break to put the furniture items back to their proper spots after gradually inching (no pun intended!) them across the rooms. Also pets asking for food at the worst times. Usually just laughed, dealt with it and got back to work.
I don’t have a story but a coworker once told me how his longtime girlfriend was going to eat his ass but he had poop bits stuck his butt pubes. She vomited on him.
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First time we ever had sex, the condom fell off while I was inside her and I had to dig in there with my fingers to take it out. We kinda just laughed it off. Somehow she decided I was still worth being with and here we are 5 years later lol
“You mean the panties your mother laid out for you?”
My girl farted real loud but we been together awhile so we just laughed
When she asked if she can shit on my chest, didn’t recoverd from that for while
I was hungover and partner would not give up wanting a blow job. I full on threw up over him when he cum in my mouth.
I was sexting with a man and he sent me a dick picture but something must have been seriously wrong with his dick. It was the most grotesque thing I’ve ever seen. It looked like he was bleeding from his foreskin. Anyway, that killed the mood real quick.
She told me “i feel sorry for you” when i was going down on her. To be fair, i took it the wrong way and left.
We broke up later that week. It was the right thing for us but i was still probably too drunk to understand what she meant.
In my defense, i enjoy that 🤷♂️
Oh. On the other end of the spectrum…the girl that is now my wife and mother of my kids…she was concerned she was pregnant so we went to Walgreens together and got two pregnancy tests. When they both came back negative, we celebrated by boning.
We were parking and I looked up and the police were behind us with their lights on. That will kill a mood in a hurry.
Fart. Recovered after opening the window
He stopped to blow his nose 🤦🏻♀️
we overheard our neighbor outside, tinkering with his lawnmower in the yard. Suddenly, he let out an enormous fart and, in a thick pirate accent, says, “arr me guts be a firin”. We couldn’t stop laughing.
My ex did a “neck fart”, lol. I was fuckin her on the couch, we were both baked and she made accidentally made a fart noise with her neck and collarbone. Funniest shit ever there’s no way we were getting back to the serious bit
Looking past the foot of your bed only to see your 3 year old. Watching.
How long has he been there?
I couldn’t get hard due to anxiety so I had to give a pep talk in the shower
One time she was giving me head and I farted … she kept going but then she made a face because she smelled it… then she said there was no way…
The baby started crying on the monitor. Totally flaccid
The stuff she was saying felt like it was ripped straight from a porno script. I ended up giggling cuz she said smth silly, and she cried. I felt bad 🙁
Me and an ex got hot and heavy one night, neither of us could wait so we just decided to go to pound town right away….could not get it in…was like wtf is wrong here, we tried a couple more times…turns out she was on her period, I didnt know that, she had a tampon in, she forgot she had one, and I never looked to even see. Had a good few minutes of laughing and then boned 🤣
He laughed like Mickey Mouse on purpose
She sneezed when I was inside her. I came, she came. Funny enough the food we ordered also came 🙂
My wife of 34 yrs losing half her frontal lobe. Been 7 yrs. Still by her side
I have a weird sense of humour so when I queefed I said something like “ooo when she’s angry she breathes fire”
I started laughing- ruined the mood. No going back
I was going to hookup for the first time with this girl that ended up being my fwb and was feeling congested so I took a sudafed which messed with my erection. Thankfully she was understanding and gave me another shot but I had to step it up the next time to make up for it.
Having sex with an iPod on shuffle. Went from romantic music to Swedish death metal.
She farted during Doggy. I turned my head to the side and pretended not to notice.
We were having sex and his mum FaceTimed him… he panicked, answered it, still inside me😩 I’ve never laughed and died inside so fast
I had a woman come out in a French maid outfit one time and I laughed. There was no recovering from that, she was heated and a bit hurt.
I live in San Diego and there was an earthquake the other day and I was giving a blowjob as it happened. That definitely killed the mood!
He shoved my head down after I was getting off his dick to throw up (I do that a lot) and I ended up gagging on his dick and it was pure stomach acid….if that wasn’t bad enough he said and I quote “that’s a little spicy” I was mortified 💀
Farted in his face during 69. We laughed so hard, and he took it like a champ. I was naturally mortified. 😂
A spray of gunfire outside. One of the neighbors thought they saw a coyote. After scrambling to put clothes on and then going outside (her armed, since we were at her place and I neglected to bring my Shield to a dinner date) talking to the neighbors, neither of us were prepared to continue.
For some reason the ISIS video where they put the Jordanian pilot in a cage and burned him to death popped in my head mid-thrust. There was no recovering. I had to explain to my wife what happened. She was just glad the thought didn’t make me harder.
Bedside lamp with no bulb in it was accidentally left switched on.
Some… fluid… landed on the electrical contacts and started a small fire.
In itself not too bad, but it left my girlfriend’s house absolutely stinking of burned spunk, so we had to abandon any further activities to open every window and try to clear the stench before her mum got home.
I was going down on my man and he came so hard he farted in my face essentially. It was rank if I’m being honest. Thankfully, my phone rang in that moment and it was important, so I took the call and when I came back I pretended I forgot, as if I wasn’t still trying not to gag.
A “Shart” That will kill the mood every time!
Hooked up with a girl I met at a bar and the second my penis entered her vagina she farted. Loudly. And then with every thrust she farted. After like 10 pumps / farts I stopped to look at her. She said, “yeah, it does that”.
The song “weezer – Mr. Blue sky” came on while we were going at it. For those who haven’t had this happen….It’s a rhythm thing and it’s hilarious.
He asked to try anal i was shocked because it was the first time a guy had asked me that.
I was really nervous but the harder he railed me the more my anxiety went down.
Falling off the bed/couch, or having to take a break to put the furniture items back to their proper spots after gradually inching (no pun intended!) them across the rooms. Also pets asking for food at the worst times. Usually just laughed, dealt with it and got back to work.
I don’t have a story but a coworker once told me how his longtime girlfriend was going to eat his ass but he had poop bits stuck his butt pubes. She vomited on him.
A girl had a medical condition and lost her bowels all over me while riding me.