Me[23M] and my GF[22F] have been together a year now and she is somewhat of a shy girl, so i’ve really taken my time with her with alot of things so she can be more comfortable and open with me. Early in the relationship one thing I thought she was shy about was conversations about intimacy, she would get annoyed and irritated and would always try to shut down those conversations. They’re usually Just questions i’d ask about what she likes and what turns her on or her views on sex. I didnt try to push that conversations on her since i could tell how much she didnt want to talk about it.
What changed for me was when i went out to the bar with her and her friends and heard her openly talking about sex with her male and female friends. I’ve noticed she openly talks about things like that at her job with co-workers and outside with her friends. Now 1 year deep into the relationship i am feeling kind of hurt she isnt willing to talk to me about sex since its something we exclusivley do together.
For refrence our sex life is active, the only problem is that I enjoy both pleasing and receiving, while she only enjoys receiving. This has caused some friction in our sex life since we both have different preferences about it. So me trying to have those conversations with her is 50% to open her up about pleasing and the other 50% being due to my curiosity and interest of her. This is where my frustration comes in, when I’m intimate and open with her about conversations of sex in general or our own sex life, i get ignored or shutdown immediately but she doesnt hesitate to respond to those topics when it comes from other people. I honeslty dont know how to feel about it. what would you do differently ?
any advice would be amazing.
TL;DR: My gf doesn’t like talking about sex with me but is comfortable with her friends and i feel frustrated she’s not willing to open up to me.
Comments
I think a couple things, 1) your boundaries about conversations w others. Does it bother you that she has those conversations w others or thats okay if she was fairly having them with you too. Personally I don’t discuss many details/things about my sexual preferences outside of my relationship just to respect my partner. But in doing so, that also gives me more to discuss w my partner.
Oh my goodness, my partner had this same issue with me. It took me like 6 years to finally be ready to open up to him, which has been great for our sex life. I felt uncomfortable opening up to him because of how vulnerable it made me feel.
Sometimes people get shy/embarassed about sharing intimate things with their partner specifically, like for example some girls don’t fart in front of their partner even after being together for years. Maybe its like that for her with sex or she possibly has had a trautmatic prior experince where she told her partner something and they used it against her or made her feel bad for a kink etc. Honestly it sounds like your having a lot of issues just involving your sex life together in-general and you need to be firm and say can we have a serious conversation, preface please don’t be nervouse, as I just want to talk about some things that have been bothering me and bring up in I FEEL statements as not to accuse her that you have been feeling hurt due her not speaking with you personally about your guy’s intimacy and you’ve heard her being open about it with other’s and you also like to recieve and give and you feel not fully intertwined with her in that aspect and would like it if we could talk about these things so we both can be fully satisfied. Or something like that, but I hope this helps.