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Neither of us are as of attractive as we once were. I wish we still had the bodies we had when we were younger but we’re both getting older and fatter. Even though it’s probably not ideal for either of us, I still love getting busy with her. We still are attracted to each other enough to get busy a few times a week even after nearly 20 years together.
Know what’s funny… I never found my wife unattractive. I still think she’s gorgeous. But she started to find herself unattractive and projected those feelings into what I must “really think”. To answer your question… headed for divorce… this just being a small, but not insignificant reason
We’ve been married 30 years. We’re in our 50’s. She was a hot tight bodied cheerleader. I was the buff farm kid. We were voted hottest couple our senior year. Now we’re none of those. We get in bed and it’s like we’re 16 again.
I mean, my question would be, did people here not expect to age and grow old with their wives?? My wife has dealt with me going bald and getting glasses and my beard going grey in my mid 30s. She carried and birthed my son and has had to deal with all of the insane bodily changes that come with that.
I’m very physically attracted to my wife but for others in here, do you not find additional attraction in the beauty of growing older with someone?
I feel like when I decided marriage and kids were something I wanted, I understood that neither of us would be 25 forever and for me there is something amazing about that that surpasses the shallow aspects of just physical beauty (whatever that means, people are attracted all sorts of different body types and physical features.)
If it’s not a product of her completely letting herself go or becoming a gross person –
Step 1. Make the lighting real good, look in the mirror
Step 2. Grow up
Step 3. Enjoy the vigor you have left
Otherwise, help her where she needs it.
Going on 20 years with my wife. Attraction has gone up and down a few times, depending on what life has thrown on us. Always comes back if we get out of our own way. Overall, I’m more attracted to her now.
This dilemma is often self inflicted, and if it’s not, then you already know the answer to your question
I don’t know if anyone can relate to this –
But here’s my deal.
My wife is beautiful, and I love her very much.
What bothers me now as we are in our early 40’s, is that she just doesn’t try anymore with her body. Basically, it’s easier for her to be fat and she doesn’t care. 5’6” and 195lbs. When we met she was probably 135lbs.
The biggest issue I think I have is her lack of care and effort. I could look past it if I knew she was trying to stay healthy, but she’s not.
Eats terrible food, doesn’t exercise, EVER.
We’re in the best financial shape of our lives, and have a lot of flexible time. I go to the gym an hour a day, it makes me feel good.
I hope what I’m saying makes sense – she’s fat and out of shape because she chooses to be, and I think that’s what bothers me the most.
A little more context – I’m 5’9” and weigh about 190. 34” waist, size L shirt. I legitimately try to eat healthy and stay active, and it shows. So, for what’s its worth, I guess.
I’m still waiting for this to happen and it still hasn’t. I assume at some point in like your late 60s or 70s it becomes a thing. Maybe I just got lucky and have a timelessly beautiful wife. Idk
I still find her attractive. But she is very self conscious now about her body changes. I would call us reasonably fit for our age and probably fitter than most. Throw in menopause, the bedroom is dead. Honestly sucks. Been together 25 years and we are 59/60.
40 here, sure my wife gained some weight after 20 years and 2 kids. But I never found her unattractive over her body.
What did make me lose attraction to her was the last 10 years of abusive mental manipulation and taking complete advantage of me in multiple ways, including but not limited to 4 different occasions where she secretly used my information to open credit cards and charge them up leaving me to have to clean up the mess when she couldn’t manage the minimum payments anymore. For those wondering it totals over $24,000 to date.
Now here we are 12 years of marriage later moving forward with divorce. And my intimacy life has been pretty non existent for years now and I’m fine with that. I’d rather be alone and happy than live like this ever again.
I find my wife incredibly attractive after 30 years together. Shes gained some weight, and has a mom bod, and shes hot as hell to me. She gets sexier and sexier to me the more mature she gets.
I don’t find my wife unattractive. She finds herself unattractive and that effects her self esteem and confidence which translates into less enthusiastic or wild sex for me despite my best efforts to assure her otherwise.
Her loss of confidence and desire to engage, explore and be consistent with non-sexual and sexual intimacy has made me lose confidence in her that she will ever change and it’s those sort of behaviors and lack of commitment to what I desire or need that I find unattractive.
The only equivalent I analogous metaphor I can find is like a woman being on a date with a man she finds “not her type”, whether that’s too short, too timid, not rugged or manly enough except you now can’t bail on the date because now you are married. Or similar to a woman finding male behaviors unattractive, juvenile behaviors, aggressiveness, bad hygiene.
For me the solution seems so feasible and simple, she doesn’t even have to change her outward or physical appearance (although it would be great if she worked on her wardrobe and dressed up nicer) but mostly it’s the level of effort and consistency she puts into intimacy, both sexual and non-sexual engagement, enthusiasm and affection. Her love languages have kind of changed and shifted over to time to valuing the companionship vs. romantic intimacy despite my best efforts. It sucks.
I have known my wife since grammar school. She has gotten more gorgeous with every year that has passed. She is 53 now, a grandmother and still drop dead gorgeous. Intimacy, is still off the charts for us, just a couple horny old folks I guess.
This is one of those situations where being into pretty much all women who don’t smoke is a major plus. Theres even a lot of people into “real” women porn.
not sure if it counts but my ex wife was 5’6” and went from 125 to 170 in the 9 months between me proposing and us getting married. She was 23. I didn’t say anything for years cause i figured she’d eventually get a handle on it when she didn’t have things to stress about. After she took the bar and i was paying all the bills, i told her we’re leaving in 6 weeks for the maldives to celebrate her achievements – and said we should both get in the best shape of our lives for pics even though i’ve never been out of shape.
6 weeks came and went and she didn’t put an iota of effort towards getting in shape. When we got back i was so upset just straight told her i didn’t like that she gained so much weight and that i felt baited and switched. She said i shouldn’t care at all and said we should get a divorce.
fast forward 4 years, we met up in person again for the first time. She not only lost all the weight she’d gained but said i wasn’t wrong to feel the way i felt while also admitting she didn’t appreciate what she had till it was gone.
I’ll just say a woman’s perception vs your perception of her will never be 1:1
My wife is my high school sweetheart after 4 kids imo she looks the best she’s ever looked but to her she’s not as skinny as she used to be and just doesn’t see herself in a good light.
It sucks because she needs makeup and outside validation for compliments when the reality is she looks great for her age.
SMH I really feel for guys in this situation but more extreme
better make sure you’re still attractive now before you point fingers.
maybe make her life easier? pamper her? dont stress her? maybe she’s busy with your children, chores or work that she no longer has time for herself? communicate with her and giver her time (or money) to pamper herself.
The intimacy fades and eventually leads to the feelings of them being unattractive. Once the intimacy is gone, what the fuck do I need them for? I’m not talking about just sex. Intimacy is the total package.
Sort of the opposite for me. She was always attractive but got hotter as she aged and got more tattooed up. Then she got on some meds and her libido shot up so we’ve been having better sex than ever. I think with the kids being older, our sleeping habits getting better and we both have lost weight and eating healthy again, it’s been awesome.
I still find my wife attractive and would rail her any chance I get, BUT, I find her attitude and lack of care for our relationship to be quite a downer. Sure she’s birthed 2 kids and has had a few changes in her body (a little bit of a pooch), but if she would just want to exercise AND sexercise, I think she’d be happier and look a lot better. We’ve been married 10 years this July and have a 9 and 5 year old, and sure working full time and being a parent is tiring, but we’re not intimate (her choice) and never go on dates, so our relationship just feels very unattractive.
She looked fantastic when we got divorced. Not so much a few years prior and a few years since.
The catalyst: a side meat stick. But she says it wasn’t cheating because he never came. Wish I’d have known the rules!
Her affair partner was worth caring about her outward appearance. Her personality changed for the worse and in turn my physical attraction to her. Since then people tell me the truth of the problematic person she always evidently (to them) was.
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Nice try, wifey.
None. I love thick women but my wife gained about 150lbs and I just can’t do it.
I look in the mirror?
Lol. If you go to r/DeadBedrooms, in 99% of cases, it’s women who start to find their husbands unattractive and then seek divorce
Neither of us are as of attractive as we once were. I wish we still had the bodies we had when we were younger but we’re both getting older and fatter. Even though it’s probably not ideal for either of us, I still love getting busy with her. We still are attracted to each other enough to get busy a few times a week even after nearly 20 years together.
Know what’s funny… I never found my wife unattractive. I still think she’s gorgeous. But she started to find herself unattractive and projected those feelings into what I must “really think”. To answer your question… headed for divorce… this just being a small, but not insignificant reason
I got just as old and wrinkly as she did.
She’s still beautiful to me, and I am still attracted to and intimate with her.
divorced
We’ve been married 30 years. We’re in our 50’s. She was a hot tight bodied cheerleader. I was the buff farm kid. We were voted hottest couple our senior year. Now we’re none of those. We get in bed and it’s like we’re 16 again.
I mean, my question would be, did people here not expect to age and grow old with their wives?? My wife has dealt with me going bald and getting glasses and my beard going grey in my mid 30s. She carried and birthed my son and has had to deal with all of the insane bodily changes that come with that.
I’m very physically attracted to my wife but for others in here, do you not find additional attraction in the beauty of growing older with someone?
I feel like when I decided marriage and kids were something I wanted, I understood that neither of us would be 25 forever and for me there is something amazing about that that surpasses the shallow aspects of just physical beauty (whatever that means, people are attracted all sorts of different body types and physical features.)
If it’s not a product of her completely letting herself go or becoming a gross person –
Step 1. Make the lighting real good, look in the mirror
Step 2. Grow up
Step 3. Enjoy the vigor you have left
Otherwise, help her where she needs it.
Going on 20 years with my wife. Attraction has gone up and down a few times, depending on what life has thrown on us. Always comes back if we get out of our own way. Overall, I’m more attracted to her now.
This dilemma is often self inflicted, and if it’s not, then you already know the answer to your question
Mine is awful. I’m fit she’s turned disabled. Won’t have sex. But I won’t leave her! What asshole would do that?
WTH is this?
I don’t know if anyone can relate to this –
But here’s my deal.
My wife is beautiful, and I love her very much.
What bothers me now as we are in our early 40’s, is that she just doesn’t try anymore with her body. Basically, it’s easier for her to be fat and she doesn’t care. 5’6” and 195lbs. When we met she was probably 135lbs.
The biggest issue I think I have is her lack of care and effort. I could look past it if I knew she was trying to stay healthy, but she’s not.
Eats terrible food, doesn’t exercise, EVER.
We’re in the best financial shape of our lives, and have a lot of flexible time. I go to the gym an hour a day, it makes me feel good.
I hope what I’m saying makes sense – she’s fat and out of shape because she chooses to be, and I think that’s what bothers me the most.
A little more context – I’m 5’9” and weigh about 190. 34” waist, size L shirt. I legitimately try to eat healthy and stay active, and it shows. So, for what’s its worth, I guess.
I’m still waiting for this to happen and it still hasn’t. I assume at some point in like your late 60s or 70s it becomes a thing. Maybe I just got lucky and have a timelessly beautiful wife. Idk
Sounds like Leonardo DiCaprio trying to talk himself out of being a meme here.
I still find her attractive. But she is very self conscious now about her body changes. I would call us reasonably fit for our age and probably fitter than most. Throw in menopause, the bedroom is dead. Honestly sucks. Been together 25 years and we are 59/60.
40 here, sure my wife gained some weight after 20 years and 2 kids. But I never found her unattractive over her body.
What did make me lose attraction to her was the last 10 years of abusive mental manipulation and taking complete advantage of me in multiple ways, including but not limited to 4 different occasions where she secretly used my information to open credit cards and charge them up leaving me to have to clean up the mess when she couldn’t manage the minimum payments anymore. For those wondering it totals over $24,000 to date.
Now here we are 12 years of marriage later moving forward with divorce. And my intimacy life has been pretty non existent for years now and I’m fine with that. I’d rather be alone and happy than live like this ever again.
I would imagine it would depend on if you are talking about natural aging and not “she gained 50 pounds.”
Fun fact (not answering the question at all): CROWS FEET ARE SEXY AS HELL. GIRL DON’T BOTOX THOSE.
That is all.
Man I wish I had the connection half these people do with their wives.
I’m attracted to the whole person my wife is. We’re both getting older, but that part doesn’t bother either of us.
I find my wife incredibly attractive after 30 years together. Shes gained some weight, and has a mom bod, and shes hot as hell to me. She gets sexier and sexier to me the more mature she gets.
It’s crazy because my wife’s body is looking better and better with age (for my personal preference), and well, I definitely am not haha
So I guess in a weird way it’s just a good fit for me the direction she’s headed in
I don’t find my wife unattractive. She finds herself unattractive and that effects her self esteem and confidence which translates into less enthusiastic or wild sex for me despite my best efforts to assure her otherwise.
Her loss of confidence and desire to engage, explore and be consistent with non-sexual and sexual intimacy has made me lose confidence in her that she will ever change and it’s those sort of behaviors and lack of commitment to what I desire or need that I find unattractive.
The only equivalent I analogous metaphor I can find is like a woman being on a date with a man she finds “not her type”, whether that’s too short, too timid, not rugged or manly enough except you now can’t bail on the date because now you are married. Or similar to a woman finding male behaviors unattractive, juvenile behaviors, aggressiveness, bad hygiene.
For me the solution seems so feasible and simple, she doesn’t even have to change her outward or physical appearance (although it would be great if she worked on her wardrobe and dressed up nicer) but mostly it’s the level of effort and consistency she puts into intimacy, both sexual and non-sexual engagement, enthusiasm and affection. Her love languages have kind of changed and shifted over to time to valuing the companionship vs. romantic intimacy despite my best efforts. It sucks.
I have known my wife since grammar school. She has gotten more gorgeous with every year that has passed. She is 53 now, a grandmother and still drop dead gorgeous. Intimacy, is still off the charts for us, just a couple horny old folks I guess.
After 50 years my wife is still scrummy. Mmmmm
Her unattractiveness has nothing to do with her body type. No sex life to speak of.
Why are so many men responding who don’t fit the criteria of the question?
I also want to hear from men who lost attraction to their wives.
My wife is gorgeous. Our intimate life isn’t there, but this is because she’s dealing with trauma and seeing a therapist.
This is one of those situations where being into pretty much all women who don’t smoke is a major plus. Theres even a lot of people into “real” women porn.
I married a 10. She was hit on all the time. She cheated on me. I’m sure more than I know.
If I marry again, I will marry a 2.
not sure if it counts but my ex wife was 5’6” and went from 125 to 170 in the 9 months between me proposing and us getting married. She was 23. I didn’t say anything for years cause i figured she’d eventually get a handle on it when she didn’t have things to stress about. After she took the bar and i was paying all the bills, i told her we’re leaving in 6 weeks for the maldives to celebrate her achievements – and said we should both get in the best shape of our lives for pics even though i’ve never been out of shape.
6 weeks came and went and she didn’t put an iota of effort towards getting in shape. When we got back i was so upset just straight told her i didn’t like that she gained so much weight and that i felt baited and switched. She said i shouldn’t care at all and said we should get a divorce.
fast forward 4 years, we met up in person again for the first time. She not only lost all the weight she’d gained but said i wasn’t wrong to feel the way i felt while also admitting she didn’t appreciate what she had till it was gone.
I’ll just say a woman’s perception vs your perception of her will never be 1:1
My wife is my high school sweetheart after 4 kids imo she looks the best she’s ever looked but to her she’s not as skinny as she used to be and just doesn’t see herself in a good light.
It sucks because she needs makeup and outside validation for compliments when the reality is she looks great for her age.
SMH I really feel for guys in this situation but more extreme
Shit
What do you think?
better make sure you’re still attractive now before you point fingers.
maybe make her life easier? pamper her? dont stress her? maybe she’s busy with your children, chores or work that she no longer has time for herself? communicate with her and giver her time (or money) to pamper herself.
I have the opposite problem, my wife looks better than ever and I’m slowly disintegrating lol
The intimacy fades and eventually leads to the feelings of them being unattractive. Once the intimacy is gone, what the fuck do I need them for? I’m not talking about just sex. Intimacy is the total package.
I’m there now. She’s literally turned into her mother. Sex life is dead.
Sort of the opposite for me. She was always attractive but got hotter as she aged and got more tattooed up. Then she got on some meds and her libido shot up so we’ve been having better sex than ever. I think with the kids being older, our sleeping habits getting better and we both have lost weight and eating healthy again, it’s been awesome.
My wife is very attractive. I don’t feel safe or supported with her and intimacy is very low.
ITT: not one person answering the actual question.
I still find my wife attractive and would rail her any chance I get, BUT, I find her attitude and lack of care for our relationship to be quite a downer. Sure she’s birthed 2 kids and has had a few changes in her body (a little bit of a pooch), but if she would just want to exercise AND sexercise, I think she’d be happier and look a lot better. We’ve been married 10 years this July and have a 9 and 5 year old, and sure working full time and being a parent is tiring, but we’re not intimate (her choice) and never go on dates, so our relationship just feels very unattractive.
She looked fantastic when we got divorced. Not so much a few years prior and a few years since.
The catalyst: a side meat stick. But she says it wasn’t cheating because he never came. Wish I’d have known the rules!
Her affair partner was worth caring about her outward appearance. Her personality changed for the worse and in turn my physical attraction to her. Since then people tell me the truth of the problematic person she always evidently (to them) was.