Does anyone else experience a stomach drop feeling when a guy says the phrase “can I tell you something?” or “can I ask you something?”

r/

It’s something I’ve noticed about myself. If a guy says either of those phrases to me, I almost always have a knee jerk reaction of “oh please dear god no”. 😅

In my past experience, a guy saying this to me is either a male friend telling me he has feelings for me (when I don’t feel the same way), or just a guy asking something low-key creepy like “are you a virgin?” or “what’s your favourite position for the forbidden tango?” And when I have a male friend and he confesses to me that he has feelings for me, it can be uncomfortable because I just don’t know how to navigate it if I don’t feel the same way.

So anyway, does anyone relate?

Comments

  1. wereallmadhere9 Avatar

    It’s usually related to my appearance, in which case I am entirely disinterested. It’s an extra step to bothering me for twice as long. 🙄

  2. justdontsashay Avatar

    “Can I ask you something?” is the most common chat request I get here, it’s an automatic ignore.

    If you have to ask if you can ask it, it probably shouldn’t be asked.

  3. celestialism Avatar

    Only because it annoys me. My usual response is something like “Use your best social judgment to decide if it’s an appropriate thing to say to me. If not, don’t say it.” Not that that really accomplishes much.

  4. RedRose_812 Avatar

    Especially when it’s followed up with “promise you won’t get mad”.

    I had an ex that did this and it was the WORST, because it always preceded something hurtful/rude/offensive he was telling me under the guise of “I’m just being honest”, but he wanted me to “promise not to get mad” so he could just say what he wanted without having to deal with my inconvenient feelings about it.

  5. K_Knoodle13 Avatar

    Yes. 8/10 times it’s going to be something rude, offensive, disrespectful, or annoying in some way. Every now and then I’m pleasantly surprised by a simple ask for directions, but usually I’m annoyed I said yes.

    IMO, they ask the leading question because they know they won’t get attention otherwise. If it’s innocuous, they usually just lead with the question. “Can you tell me where X is?” “Do you have the time?” “What kind of dog is that?” Etc.

  6. Drabulous_770 Avatar

    It’s basically trying to ask for permission to say something creepy and/or sexualizing before it’s warranted.

  7. MexicanSnowMexican Avatar

    A guy, a girl, a woman, an old man, my boss, my mom, my dad, my partner, my friends… Those are two scary phrases

  8. caramelpupcorn Avatar

    Can I ask you something?

    Sure, what is it?

    Would you ever date someone who [describes themselves]

    (O lord) No, I’m not interested.

    Okay, but can I ask why?


    This always heebs my jeebs. There’s no answer where they don’t twist it into a guilt trip. I just don’t answer anymore.

  9. BillieDoc-Holiday Avatar

    I feel hostility, because it’s always a preamble to some bullshit.

  10. Pretend-Set8952 Avatar

    not just a guy, literally anyone lmao

    same with “I need to talk to you about something” lmaooooo my friends did this to me and I literally thought all the worst things, I was holding my breath, and all they had to say was “we are dating”

    I still remember the “phew” I physically felt 😂

  11. Ad0r4 Avatar

    Not really but I never had really bad experience with this either.

    Usually people telling me that (or similar “I need to tell you something”) are not creeps, it’s friends and they’re about dropping something that it’s heavy for them to carry, just a way to rally their courage and phrase the thing the best way they can. I can sympathize with that but again, it has never been followed by something weird for me.

    Funny thing the guy I’m currently seeing as this thing where a couple of time he started to tell me “small question” and then asked something that was important for him to know but would not have organically come into the conversation. I’m eager to see the next one, it’s given me a window to his thought process and I really like it

  12. ellef86 Avatar

    Hate it. Only ever used by creeps online who are doing this weird dance around asking their actual creepy question.

    My favorite response to ‘can I ask you a question?’ is ‘you already did’.

  13. Tigger808 Avatar

    Not anymore. I’m a short fat old lady, and with these characteristics comes a certain freedom from bs.

  14. MsAndrie Avatar

    It’s a fake request for “consent” for them to violate your boundaries. That’s why. Nowadays, I would just say “no.”

  15. Chemical_Chicken01 Avatar

    Them: Can I ask you something?

    Me: if you have to ask if you can ask me something then it’s probably not something you should be asking so the answer is no!

  16. StrawbraryLiberry Avatar

    I know exactly why you have developed this reluctance.

    It’s almost never good and it feels like being handed an emotional labor bomb in some cases.

    Like wow, you figured out how to dehumanize me AND demand I do labor about it.

    Sometimes dudes just put us in impressively bad situations out of nowhere for seemingly no actual reason.

  17. rainshowers_5_peace Avatar

    No, I like “deep” or off the beaten path conversations.

  18. nycbetches Avatar

    When a guy comes up to me out of the blue and hits me with a “can I ask you something?”, 9 times out of 10 he’s going to ask how tall I am, lol. 

    And then we get to have the fun conversation where he tells me there’s no way I’m only 5’10 because HE’S six feet tall and I’m taller than him!! It’s like, buddy, one of us is confused and it ain’t me.

  19. Lb273 Avatar

    Yep. When I got with my now fiance I lost most of my (good) guy friends, who I’d been friends with for YEARS. The conversation always started with either of them phrases and ended with me telling them I didn’t like them in that way.