I (late 30sF) thought I wanted to date and be in a relationship. So I put myself out there on Hinge, and matched with a guy online (early 30sM). He seemed nice at first, but it’s only been like 5 days since we matched and I’m exhausted by his daily texting. We haven’t even met face-to-face yet. Also I notice he keeps changing his profile, like fundamental things like political views and his profession. Def not dating him.
It’s like I either get guys like this, or guys who don’t want anything to do with me, or guys who are just friends and don’t want to pursue anything more.
But now I’ve for some reason come to this realization: maybe this all doesn’t matter too much? Maybe dating/relationships are not all that important to me, and now after this most recent experience with a potential lovebomber or at best a very insecure guy, I just want to be single, left alone to do my own thing.
Does anyone else feel this way after a while of dating?
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Hard agree. I stopped looking a while ago but have been open to it if it came along (“it always happens when you’re not looking” or some bullshit, right?) and this seemingly great guy asks me out. I say yes, we go out, it’s friggin magical. He seems SO into me and then all of a sudden he doesn’t want anything from me romantically. Says he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. It’s taken me months to come to terms with this for some reason. I have whiplash from the whole thing. I’ve given up and it makes me sad.
I’ve removed myself from the apps a couple of years ago and I’m loving my single life.
I’m your age and going to date a woman when I’m ready to date again. Been straight all my life but had it with the last few men I dated.
Have a friend that changed her bumble to women a few years ago, met a lovely woman with job, house, friends, the right attitude and priorities and she never looked back, they are getting married this year.
Ive run into the same things and it totally kills any excitement I have for dating. Guys who don’t want to have conversation, the guys who are obviously uninterested. Id be surprised if I actually found someone to have just a basic normal convo with. I find this so surprising because irl I’ve had quick interactions with all types of interesting people but yet the guys on the apps can’t even muster…anything?
I find that men who are fine texting forever but making no solid plans are always a no go for me. Somewhere online I heard that this is a terrible way to get to know someone from online dating and to cut off that behavior quickly.
But overall I get you. I’m trying to be comfortable with the idea that romantic relationships are not happening and I can be okay single.
I’m off the apps now and don’t want to find love there. It was a horrible experience with the exception of finding my sexting buddy.
I’ll either meet the love of my life organically or I won’t. I don’t want love if it means I have to settle.
I’m feeling the same. I have no motivation to look for anyone. So exhausting. I just want some magic. I want to meet someone without looking for anyone
Went on Hinge recently and I already regret it. First guy I chatted with made a date right away then cancelled it last minute. Second guy I chatted has yet to ask me a question back. I just stopped talking to him because it felt like an interview. I don’t even want to open the app again. You’d think by 35+ men would at least know how to have a conversation like a normal person or follow through on a commitment. It’s not that difficult…but then again….it seems to be.
I dated men from the ages of 15-30, up until my last relationship ended a year ago. I haven’t had any interest in men since. I spent a couple months after my break up on dating apps, but I deleted them not long after and haven’t been back on them since. Most of the men I’ve dated, if not all, were either cheaters, emotionally abusive or both. Men have ruined men for me.
I’m not opposed to another relationship, but the guy would really have to prove himself to be a good guy. I’m also not going out chasing men or looking myself, it will need to come to me, organically.
Do you have things you are passionate about or hobbies you spend a lot of your free time on?
I’m bored, but not desperate. I welcome whatever life brings my way.
I just broke up with a guy and no part of me wants to date but the experience of dating him makes me want a person. He wasn’t the right fit but was a pretty solid partner in a lot of ways. The idea of putting myself out there again makes me want to run back with my tail between my legs though. I was done with dating when I met him last May.
I never dated when I was younger. I never had that desire and that carried on into adulthood. Even more now since women are having a horrible time in the dating field. Some men want to be the princess apparently.
I can see how dating would be nice, whether you wanted marriage or not. It’s really just finding someone. I think a lot of people lack self awareness and need to get some type of therapy. Call me mean, but I’m not looking to help anyone start their healing journey. I want someone who has done the work. Also, I think a lot of men are boring. I’m an active person. I take myself out and enjoy life. I buy myself whatever I want within reason. So the man has to love me as much as I love myself.
I lost interest when I realized it was nothing beneficial. It was draining and too many men with deep rooted issues that they do not care to fix. They just want to go from woman to woman because they don’t know how to be alone.
I literally just decided to stop dating but then came across someone in my profession who seems to have a lot in common with me. I’m going forward knowing I have my own goals and still going to focus on myself, but shit if this works out I won’t be mad. But for my own sake I’m going to live my life not worrying about dating, and just let it happen if it happens. Nothing wrong with trying to stay single. Most men suck these days. And tbh they have significantly less to offer if you have a decent job and a good head on your shoulders
I’m on the apps and it’s tough. I have pretty specific criteria already (no kids, athletic, liberal) so not a lot of men meet that. I’ve had good personality matches but not much attraction. Definitely experienced lovebombing etc. Even the profiles are so uninspiring. What do you mean you’re in your forties and “still figuring it out”? 😭
It’s incredibly difficult to find men who add value to your life, romantically or otherwise. So many will take, take, and take some more. The 4B movements going on around the world make so much sense and I hope it’s a wake up call, but sadly the young men are increasingly becoming more conservative, e.g., this last election.
I’m emotionally closed off and tbh I choose guys who don’t mesh well with me. When I observe dating right now, I’m also just very much turned off. I’m crushing on someone completely unavailable and that’s giving me joy, lol.
I just found out last night through that Facebook group Are We Dating the Same Guy that my ex boyfriend was cheating on me with a live in girlfriend and another woman for a year. The woman that posted it reached out to me and we talked on the phone for an hour. He did the same shit to her that he did to me. Constant lying and manipulation. I woke up this morning sick to my stomach. Who knows how many other women there were. It’s just not worth it anymore.
Welcome.
I think a lot of people have being in a relationship as one of their main goals. Which makes sense when you put it into perspective of getting married and building a family. For me, I don’t think I ever want kids and I’ve noticed my goals drifting away from being in a relationship to doing other things-spending more time with friends and family, traveling, pursuing my career and more education, getting involved in new hobbies. I legit just don’t have time for a relationship-the rest of my life is so fun and dating is very not fun so I just don’t do it.
Was single three years up until a few months ago. I got off the apps and just started dating people i knew. Once I started reaching out to old guy friends they were open to meeting up and seeing if we had a shot.
Ended up in a relationship with someone who is a mutual friend in my friend group, he reached out, we’re both sober and it works.
Yes, I’ve totally decentred men and dating, it’s been 11 months now.
I resentfully went on a date with an on paper great guy I matched with this week.
Just a walk and then we grabbed a quick drink.
It actually really pissed me off, that he constantly tried to touch my upper back while walking or later he wanted to touch my hand.
And I don’t know. I don’t want to just spend the night, I want to fall in love. I want some chivalry, I wanna be chased a little. I wanna fall in love.
It was so annoying. No, you are not Adonis. I do not want to kiss you after 2 hours.
Same! Also late 30s and one day I stopped feeling interested, and I shut off everything. I don’t see the point at the moment. I got other things I’d rather do than date or deal with another person.
It could be partly perimenopause in my case, and partly relational burnout (not just romantic) from previous months and years.
Exactly the conclusion I’ve come to after a 19 year relationship and 4 years single. They’re either too clingy or stand-offish. I went away for 4 days with one guy and couldn’t wait to get bk home and have some time alone. It was exhausting. I’ve been off dating apps now for around 7 months and i’m the happiest I’ve ever been. Not actively looking for anything and I’m not feeling like I’m missing out on anything either.
It feels like even if I find an amazing guy who is pretty good, I will still end up doing way too much for him. Women I know in what they call “happy” relationships still run their male partner’s lives. My best friend does all the cooking, cleaning, dog care, social management and says “I just like doing it and I’m good at it”. One of my coworkers loves the positive influence she’s had on her husband’s life, taking a man who couldn’t tell the difference between the dirty pile of laundry and the clean pile of laundry and “changing his life”. The things some women go through, while adoring their relationship, is just a bunch of shit I want nothing to do with. Not to mention the horror stories in this sub about sudden breakups, porn addiction, following instagram girls, libido mismatches, secrets, financial infidelity, regular infidelity, emotional infidelity, feeling pressured for sex, the mental load,.. I could go on and on.
I don’t want that at all. I genuinely believe men’s lives improve drastically when partnered with a woman, and a woman’s life gets limited. It’s too much work to find some unicorn man who can take care of himself just fine, can take care of me sometimes, actually cares about his life and our relationship instead of coasting through both, is interested in expanding his understanding of the world, is emotionally fluent, goes to therapy.. etc etc.
I dated a guy last year who was so great in so, so many ways. I’ve never seen a dude so in tune with his own emotions, able to attune to mine, had the same politics and values as me (mostly), everything felt incredible. The catch: Mixed signals, his apartment was disgusting, he didn’t have a lot of experience taking care of himself, and he turned out to be “poly” and possibly gay now! 👍
It’s not just dating. Growing distaste for men who are trying to date. They’re not limited to the experience online, these tired assholes exist offline and will do the same bullshit to people they meet in the wild, they’re all the same and I’m like “where the girlies at?” Not to date but to gossip with and roll our eyes at them.
Its like theres an increasing epidemic of men refusing to work on their emotional intelligence and instead stubbornly ruminating over superficial things.
I go into every relationship openminded, whilst they linger on everything they fear/hate. And it just makes dating experiences miserable. Being with a man is like signing up for jail and they have no idea it has nothimg to do with money, abs, looks, nor independence. Everything to do with them not being teamplayers.
Welcome to the sisterhood!
I still want to be in a loving secure committed relationship, but my heart’s tired so I’m just living my life. I’m not actively looking right now, but I’m not closed off if I happen to meet anyone by chance and we hit it off.
Had two years off dating. Recently had a fairly casual fling that just ended up annoying me. Cannot muster any enthusiasm to get back on the apps, and I don’t seem to meet men in the wild now that I’m an old crone (mid-40s) and have apparently worn out my fuckability.
I started dating again last summer after my LTR ended 3 years prior. There’s been a lot of upsides, but it’s also been emotionally destructive in a way that wouldn’t have happened if I just stayed out of the dating scene. I think I’m tapping out at this point.
There is plenty of info both in this sub and the 4b subs all about this topic, do a search
Women are “quiet quitting” dating in droves
I saw an article with a quote from a woman who said “I realized I was checking my phone all day for a text from a man who really didn’t care whether I lived or died” and I FELT that 💀