I (23F) am asking as a woman. And yes I know this is obviously not something all women do in friendships… but it’s something that always feels a little off-putting when I’ve experienced it. For context, I’ve experienced this multiple times with friendships/acquaintances that are otherwise very respectful. I have also experienced this while dating multiple different guys (varying degrees of conventional attractiveness).
The experience is when I describe to my girlfriends that I’m dating someone they will obviously end up asking to see a picture and then saying: “you can do better” or “you’re so pretty” or “I mean if you like him but I personally think he’s not cute enough for you”
Sure it can be meant as a compliment ~know your worth cause you’re so hot~ etc. But it honestly feels strange to me, like don’t you care how he treats me? Do men do this when they talk to each other about dating? Is this something that is normal and healthy in friendships with other women?
Of course if the relationship is new it’s important to remind each other to know our worth but does this have to apply to looks? I’ve never dated someone hideous and I’ve always liked someone with an unconventional beauty/unique features so am I missing something? I told someone at work “this is my bf we have been together for a 4 years” and then when she asked to see a picture she only commented on his appearance while knowing absolutely nothing about him really…
Is this a red flag in friendships for yall? Am i encountering immature friends? In your opinion, do you think we’re just saying these things to compliment each other or is there something more sinister in these comments?
I might be dating really ugly guys or reading too much into it. But I always kinda felt offended, as if the friend doesn’t want me to be happy, or is judging my taste. Like. This is someone I LOVE? And why is it normal to note the physical attractiveness of someone’s loved one unprompted??
TL;DR, in your opinion….. is it a friendship red flag to say someone is “too pretty” for their partner/the person they’re interested in seeing? Is it just harmless gossipy fun or is it kind of toxic?
Comments
Either you date good guys and have shitty friends or you have good friends and date shitty guys.
You got shallow friends
Not sure about women in general, sounds very specific to the toxic ones in your life.
Any friend of mine regardless of their gender who says anything mean about my partner is no longer my friend.
to be honest i’ve dated a few “ugly” men (not conventionally attractive) and have heard both “nice, what’s he like?” and “…him?” from friends. i think it really depends; i know my girlies for almost 10 years will just tell me point blank that he’s ugly. even so, they’ll ask me what he’s like, what i like about him, etc. because they care for my happiness. i think it really comes down to their intentions in saying these things to you.
I’ve never seen anyone do this over the age of 20.
Either your friends are jealous or trash